Taking some control over Something I can't control

In my last blog I mentioned that I was depressed and didn't really know why. I thought it was stress related which it is. I believe that the American election is making me depressed. Two of the most disliked candidates in American history. On one hand you have the pompous, narcissistic, misogynist windbag Donald Trump and on the other hand you have a career public servant who is not seen as trustworthy by a large swath of the American public Hillary Clinton.

I think initially this was a media dream matchup created by the media. However, with less than 3 weeks before the election and November 8th can't come soon enough, many Americans are saying is this the best we have to offer.

The three Presidential debates although have been great for comic relief and late night fodder, they lacked the substance of real debates discussing real issues affecting people's lives. All they did was degenerate into pissing matches with each side trading insults against each other.

Trump trying to defend his life and repeating his same old tired message of make America Great Again by building a wall, taking great pride in his endorsement form the NRA, calling his opponent crooked Hillary and that nasty women.

Hillary who has some substance and not much credibility baited him at every opportunity. She gave him the rope and he put the noose around his neck.

America is in bad shape for the next 4 years. I wish we could have another 4 years of Obama. There has got to be better people to step up to the plate in 4 years time. Joe Biden yes, Ted Cruz no (thank god he denounced his Canadian citizenship, we don't want him)

Trump is a bully and with bullies they enjoy putting other people down and when the tables are turned like Alec Baldwin satirising him on SNL they suddenly don't want to play the game. You can't have it both ways, and if the heat is too hot, get out of the kitchen.

We all have people in our life, who are bullies and push our buttons. Bullies lack something that they feel they need to put you down in order  to feel good about themselves.

The election is totally out of my control.   It is going forward regardless.   That's often what life offers us and we get depressed.   But, in every situation, there is a way, somehow to take control of some part of the issues that makes us depressed.  Even researching online, but doing something that helps you take control.

How, I have dealt with my depression the last few weeks is listening and watching people like John Oliver, Samantha Bee (great Canadian), Bill Maher, Steven Colbert, Trevor Noah rip the candidates and the process to shreds. They truly say laughter is the best medicine and these 2 blowhards have been great comic relief not so great for America going forward. Lets all pray for America they will need it

A Page I Want to Turn

I haven't been feeling right for about a month now. I am flat emotionally and out of sorts.

I am allowing the little things to get the better of me. The other day, a perfect example, the zipper on my jacket got messed up and it threw me off for several hours if not the whole day.

Earlier this week I missed work and my brother asked me if it was physical or mental. I replied both. When I returned to work the next day, my manager asked the same question, I replied the same and she said mental health days are important and I am in need of one myself.

Several months ago I was having a stressful day at work. I had been given several new clients in the same week and I said I can't take another one. As soon as I said this one of the nurses said I have a new client for you. I turned around and wanted to tell them to f...off. I bit my tongue instead (still hurts), smiled and said when do you want it to start.

Fake it to you make it, I said as I walked back to my desk.

Last week at work I had a similar situation. I let one of the nurses get to me (push my buttons), all the hairs on my neck stood at attention. I wanted to tell her how I felt except again I smiled and said how can I help you. I then went and vented with one of my support network. It is great to have support close by at work.

I have gained 10 lbs over the last couple of weeks. When I am depressed I reach for my comfort food, snacks and lots of carbs. In fact my partner said the other day, I see you are having another protein free meal.

 I am depressed right now. I think it is stress related.

Stress over family, work, health, money. Stress is a bitch.

Right now is a bad page in my book of life. At times like this I have to remind myself that these lapses will happen from time to time. I have to project positive energy so that the lapse doesn't become a relapse