What a Difference a Day Makes

A couple of weeks ago, I had a very bad day at work. One of my co-workers did not accept responsibility for an error which we both had a hand in creating. The error ended up being insignificant in terms of service provided. That is not the point, the tone and inflection used is the point.

All the co-worker had to do was accept responsibility for their actions. Instead, I was thrown off course for the next several hours. The attitude towards me affected me for the rest of the day. I know I had a choice to not let it affect me. However, this is easier said than done. Someone said shake it off, again easier said than done.

I am getting better at dealing with rough patches and still have a ways to go. When something goes wrong or upsets me like this situation I do get rattled and take awhile to dust myself off and get back in the saddle again. By the evening, I was back to regular.

The next day around 10 in the morning received a phone call indicating I had won an award a volunteer award for the local soccer association. I was deeply honoured and touched. For the next several hours I didn't tell anyone because I wanted my fiancée to be the first person I told and she was in a meeting until mid afternoon. I almost spilled the beans when a colleague asked why I was all smiles. She finally texted me, I asked her to call me. She was so happy for me. I was so happy for me. Everyone I told had the same reactions.  The rest of the weekend I walked around on cloud nine letting it sink in.

I volunteer because it is fun, meaningful and a chance to give back and share. It is a passion and a love. The minute a volunteer situation stops being fun, that is the time to move on and try something different.

Sometimes a new day makes all the difference in one's attitude and outlook.

How Easy for Mental Health to Waiver.

This month my mental health has waivered and taken a hit. The month started with a fight with my fiancée over the most trivial of matters.  My appointment with my counsellor was cancelled at the last minute. I was looking forward to it.

This afforded me the opportunity to see a client. A client I had trepidation over seeing and it turned out to be much ado about nothing.

Before I saw the client I met my fiancée and her best friend after work. I was moody and temperamental and let it show. It left a bad taste in all our mouths. I apologized profusely to both of them.

I allow myself to let the little things get the better of me and it can affect me in such a negative way that I either take it out on myself or those closest to me. 

My fiancée didn't need the added stress. She was preparing for surgery and was in constant pain. I do not like seeing her this way. I felt helpless and wanted to help. Instead I ended up being no help what so ever. The help I offered was not what she wanted.

I can't imagine the pain she was in. It was painful to watch and be around. I wanted to transfer her pain to mine, however, I didn't want that to happen. The surgery was delayed once and I didn't want another delay.

The fear of the unknown was driving me. I know it was routine surgery, however, any surgery is still not routine. I wanted to be there every step of the way and yet I didn't. 

One of the nurses I worked with in the days leading up to the surgery asked me how I was. I answered I am depressed and worried about Shelley's surgery. She said you hide it well. I had a smile on my face. Some days I hide it and other days I embrace it. Yet other days I let it show. The it is my depression.  The depression I deal with everyday, taking the good with the bad and the neutral. 

Thankfully, the surgery was a success. I was on tender hooks all morning waiting for the call. It came at 11:20 three and a half hours after surgery.  Recovery will be a struggle and I intend to be there every step of the way.  Whatever journey that takes us. I know we will get through this. We have already had one interaction where she said I was acting like her ex husband. That hurt and it got my attention. I refuse to be selfish.