Someone is here for you.

Last week a 21 year old college football player took his own life. No one knows what this young man was experiencing before his death. What I am positive about, however, is that it was preventable.

The last 2 sentences were lifted from Matt Calkins story from the Seattle Times. In his story, Matt goes on to share his experiences with mental illness.

I can certainly relate as I deal with depression. I have had suicidal thoughts and I have seen a psychologist and currently see a counsellor. I take Prozac and have become very open about my struggles.

For the last 4 years I have volunteered my time with the local Canadian Mental Health Association. I am a speaker who goes to schools and shares my mental health story.  Every time I share I am blown away by the response from the kids. They are inquisitive, insightful and thoughtful.

One time I went back to work after the morning speaking to a high school class. One of my colleagues asked about my morning. I shared and she shared that her daughter deals with depression and anxiety. Since this moment our working relationship has reached a new positive level.

Another time I was going on vacation and 2 colleagues asked what I was going to do. I told them I was going to blog. They wanted to know about my blog and when I came back a few days later they said they had read my blog and enjoyed it. Again a new positive level was reached amongst my colleagues.

A little openness, compassion and understanding can break down the stigma of mental illness. The stars are staggering 1 out of every 5 in Canada deals with mental illness. Mental illness is no different from cancer, arthritis, diabetes and needs to be viewed in the same light.

If you are dealing with mental health issues, reach out and seek help. We are hear for you. Don't suffer in silence.

Sports: The Great Equalizer

I love sports, the passion, excitement, the winners, losers sometimes in heartbreaking fashion. Sports is the great equalizer. It unites cities, countries, it has created wars and led people to do extraordinary things to do whatever it takes to win.

I have favorite teams, favorite players and teams I always cheer for and teams I always cheer against.
I have favorite sports, sporting events and sports I will only care about (baseball playoff time) or Olympics for national pride. I vehemtly root for the underdog. I cheer for upsets.

My favorite teams are Liverpool, Australia, Canada, LA Chargers, Winnipeg Blue Bombers, Kentucky Wildcats, University of Manitoba Bisns and the original Winnipeg Jets. I cheer for anyone Manchester United, New Zealand and the University of Winnipeg are playing.

I love March Madness, NCAA college basketball tournament every March. I love the World Cup of soccer. Going to a cultural establishment to watch the games is an experience in its own right. The passion, national pride really come to the form. It is said that every time Brazil doesn't win the World Cup for a few weeks the suicide rate in Brazil goes up.

I have been in England for soccer games, Australia for rugby games and throughout North America for hockey, soccer, basketball, baseball and football games. I have seen major and minor league games plus college games. Each time the passion and support is intense. As a young teenager one of my greatest experiences was attending the Montreal Olympics. Saw outstanding events and atheletes. To this day I still get chills rewatching some of the highlights of this time.

I have met many famous athletes such as Pele, Wilt Chamberlin, Edwin Moses, Gerry Cheevers, Jonathon Toews, Cindy Klassen, Bobby Orr and Bobby Hull.

When my team wins I feel on cloud nine, when my team loses I feel sad, yet not depressed and either way I can't wait for the next game to start the same routine over. I wish life could be the same way.

Bruce Dern in the movie the Driver said all you need to know about life is read the sports pages. It tells you who won, who lost and how the game was played. Sports is the great equalizer in life.

A Look Back to Look Forward

Three years ago on this date, I fell on the ice and broke my ankle. My ankle twisted under my leg.  I sat on the ground and knew right away something was terribly wrong. A young lady and another women saw what happened and asked if I was okay. In my masculine voice I said I will be fine. I sat on the sidewalk gathering myself, knowing that my car was another block away and my office was several blocks away.

As I started to walk the pain in my right ankle was excruciating. I knew I had done some damage the extent unknown. I reached my car and drove back to the office. I don't know how I did it, I did. When I got there I sat at my desk whincing in pain. I went to the urgent care centre, hoping I would be back to work soon...

Within 10 minutes of arriving I was having an X-ray and an hour later it was confirmed I had a broken ankle. Surgery was scheduled 3 days later. Throughout this ordeal I was firmly convinced I would be back at work after the weekend on Monday.

Reality soon set in, after surgery I saw this cast and realized I better sit back and make the most of it because it would be 8 more weeks before I was back at work.

I decided to make the most of this opportunity. I journaled my experience daily on social media. Over the next 6 weeks until the cast came off I experienced 2 really bad days.  I posted about my bad days and within minutes I had multiple phone calls from friends and family who cheered me up offering support. I had a few visitors, however, mostly, my best support was my partner Shelley who was my rock, my inspiration. She helped keep my mood positive and one of the things I liked, not at the time though, was the practical jokes she played on me. Her humor is contagious and I will never get enough of it.

Again another sign that the old Andrew would not of handled this experience in the same way. I would have been irritable, frustrated, ripped that cast off and bitten the heads off of those close to me who were offering support. The rabbit hole of depression would have been easy to slide into.

I understand how ridiculous this negative behaviour is. It serves no purpose what so ever. It also indicates what a shit I had been, how disruptive my life was.

I have come along way and handle situations much more positively. The last number of years my life has been more positive, more stable and much happier. Breaking my ankle has turned into a watershed moment in my life and I have not looked back.

Walk of Shame

I did the walk of shame the other day, for the second time in 3 years. I know what your thinking, what drunken stupor was he in and what did he do. It was the walk of shame where I could not make a contribution.

For the last 5 years, I have been making a regular blood donation every 56 days. In order to donate blood you need to be screened by filing out a questionnaire. Then they check your blood pressure, temperature and hemoglobin. My hemoglobin was too low. There is a threshold of 130 and with 2 pricks of the finger one on either hand I was close however, was short.

I said to the Donor associate I now have to do the walk of shame.  After the screening room if everything is good you turn right to donate. I turned left and had to walk past all the people waiting to be screened.
It is a horrible feeling, because everyone knows that you have been declined. You feel like a scmuck.

The worst part is I had to wait 30 minutes because my partner was donating. I didn't even feel like having the consolation donut they were offering post donation. Then to top it all off I have to wait another 56 days to even try again. My partner has been deferred on more than one occasion because women's iron store levels are lower.

I know what she felt like when she took the car keys and went for coffee while waiting for me to donate. I felt ashamed, guilty that I was letting people down. I started doubting and blaming myself. I wanted to run away and never come back. I wanted to wallow in self pity. This is what the old Andrew would have done. I might have used this experience to spiral down the rabbit hole of depression. I didn't.

After about 10 minutes of beating myself up, I wanted to get right back up on the bike and donate right away. I realized that this is only a blip. This moment will pass. It shows how far I have come and far I still have to go. That's the benefits and burden of living with depression.

I enjoy giving blood and have done 26 times. I have a rare blood type which only 7% of the population have. My partner had done 70 donations. I wish I had started earlier than 5 and a half years ago.

If you can donate, please do, because it is in us to give and every time one donates you have the chance to save up to 3 lives.

A Week In Review

What a way to start the year 2018. So much has happened in the first week. Starting off January 1rst, at the last minute my partner and went to play Texas Hold Em in a turbo tournament. Sure enough, I ended up winning the tournament and a nice little cash windfall.

Personally, the rest of the week I spent fending off a flu, cold, laryngitis bug which I finally sucumbed to on Wednesday. I hate being sick and my partner hates it when I am sick as well. Especially when I use what she refers to as sick Andrew voice. A gravely, raspy voice that is akin to nails on a chalkboard.

The weekend saw me getting the better of my bug and I ready for whatever fun the week at work brings. The weekend also saw the so called leader of the free world lose it again. Mr. Trump touting how smart he is and in what good mental health he is in.  I am sorry if you have to affirm these things in public, maybe you are not as smart as you say you are. Another week and another daming indictment on his term in office. I keep on hoping that the coup will come soon.

This is eerily similar to a former acquaintance of mine who shortly after I met her informed me that she has mental health issues. The last time I interacted with her last year she denied ever having a mental health issue and claimed that anyone who said otherwise was lying.

Mental health is a disease and needs to be accepted as such.  I deal with my depression every day and am very open about it.  Otherwise we prolong the stigma.

The supporters of the Cleveland Browns held a parade around the stadium to celebrate or mock their perfect or imperfect season of no wins. Over 3,000 people participated. A sad commentary of our times.

We live in interesting times and it seems that every day the world keeps on turning upside and down and around. We have to continue to be the best we can be every day. Love ourselves and those close to us. Live true to oneself, be honest. Accept responsibility for our actions.

2017 A Year of Firsts

We have turned the calendar to 2018, Happy New Year. The year 2017 was a year of firsts for me. At this time last year I was 56,000$ in debt, I am very happy to announce that my debt has been reduced by 25,000$. At this rate I will be debt free by 2019. It was a collaborative effort my fiancé and I.

Yes my fiancee, we became engaged last year, both for the second time. She is my rock. Her wisdom, guidance and support are invaluable. I love her so much. We complete each other.

In addition, to the debt repayment, we also continued on a regular basis to contribute to our future retirement. 

I reached a milestone in blood donations with my 25th, looking forward to reaching 30 by the end of this year.

I completed a work project, developing and implementing a training orientation manual for Health Care Aides working in the Tuberculosis dept. I collaborated over 18 months with doctors, nurses and other health care professionals to produce a 58 page masterpiece. 

The biggest first of the year was spending time with my grandson Oliver (Ollie). We were blessed to have him stay with us for 2 seperate months. I changed my first diapers and had the rite of passage happen with him peeing on me at one occasion. Oh man was he proud of himself.

I learned all I needed to know about Paw Patrol, who is your favorite, mine is Zuma followed by Chase is on the case. A simplistic show with great moral values of teamwork, perseverance and collaboration.

Not to forget about Moana and a whole host of other animated movies. Oliver continued to bring joy, love and life lessons to our life. At 53, I never expected to be a grandfather let alone a (step)parent. I also met Shelley's children and immediately fell in love with them. Both talented, mature responsible young adults who will make great strides in the world. Love you Gerry and Kelsey. 

The biggest first was in self discovery. I am proving to be a late bloomer. I am still evolving and learned that I am powerless when it comes to money, hence the debt issues. I am evolving when it comes to interactions with family, colleagues and people I am in conflict with. My mental health has been steadily positive with several dips into depression. A fact of life to deal with. 

I continue to share my mental health story with school aged students and continue to marvel at their wisdom, knowledge and openness. 

I do a great job at managing my own depression, recognizing low moments and reacting to them. I need to do a better job at recognizing and reacting positively to others mental health issues. I need to be a better support in this area.  

2018 will continue to be another year of firsts. Happy New Year everyone.