My Bright Light

 I have made several attempts over the last couple of weeks to blog. I come home from work and have good intentions. The next minute spending the evening on Netflix, watching old CSI or Law and Order reruns. Or worse my ultimate guilty pleasure binge watching Forensic Files. 

The next day comes around and I say today is the day. And still nothing. Some days I feel guilty that my career in healthcare has been deemed essential when so many other people have lost their jobs or had their hours drastically reduced.

I feel perpetually depressed. After a few hours of watching TV or playing slotomania, high five or poker on line I attempt sleep. My anxiety kicks in and my mind races all over the place and sleep eludes me for several hours.

This year feels like Groundhog Day. The same scenario’s play out and yet no progress is made. What is the definition of insanity “Doing the same thing over and expecting different results”. That is how I feel about the year 2020. It is boring and monotonous yet essential. 

I feel like Peter Finch in the 70’s movie Network, where he goes to an open window and yells “I am mad as hell and not going to take it anymore”. The hardest part is trying to accomplish the simplest of tasks. Dishes pile up in the sink for days on end. It is usually 10-14 between laundry. Even bathing/showering is hard. 

I was feeling very low yesterday until we got a picture of our grandson which brought a tear to my eye. Over the last couple of years and outside of my wife he has been the biggest influence in my life. 

This year has sucked. It has taken a huge toll on my life. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. A couple of times although briefly I wanted to check out. 

I know that times will get better. I know that I will have my grandson    in my life at all times. When I feel lowest, I think of you.  His bright light shines in me at all times  I can’t wait to see him and give him a big hug. Love you little man 

My Father and Diego Maradona

 This past week the world lost a legend a GOAT in many people’s eyes. In my opinion Diego Maradona was the second greatest football (soccer) player ever only behind Pele. He died at the young age of 60. People lined up for 20 blocks to view him lying in state at the Presidential Palace in Buenos Aires Argentina. 

He grew up poor and was spotted at a young age which led to him playing with Boca Juniors one of the famous clubs in Argentine. He rose quickly through the ranks and eventually played for the National Team and playing in 4 World Cups  1982, 1986, 1990 & 1994.

The 1986 tournament held in Mexico which Argentina won became immortalized for his controversial goal against England in the quarterfinals. The Hand Of God where he deliberately handed the ball claiming it was headed in. It wouldn’t be till 25 years later that he later admitted what really happened. Argentina went on to win their 2nd World Cup  

This was first time my father was intertwined with Maradona. My father was President of the Canadian Soccer Association from 1986-1991. It was also the World Cup where Canada qualified for their one and only time. Canada went winless and goalless, however, acquitted themselves well in 3 close losses to France, Hungary and Russia respectively. 

In 1990 the World Cup was in Italy and my father represented Canada at the FIFA Congress during the tournament. Argentina defending champions lost their opening match and did not lose until the final against West Germany 1-0 on a late penalty. 

At the 1994 World Cup hosted by the United States, my father served as Chair of the FIFA Appeals Committee which was located in Dallas. This was when he became face to face with Diego Maradona. Maradona tested positive after their second game against Nigeria for Ephedrine and his punishment was banishment from the tournament. As Appeals Chair, my father heard the appeal and upheld the decision ousting Maradona from the tournament. 

I sure hope they have reunited and are swapping stories about their lifetime commitment to the beautiful game. They are both 2 of the game’s greatest ambassadors. My father fought for the Women’s game to be on equal footing with the men’s game. Originally, they wanted the women to play with a smaller ball, shorter field and other differences. My father fought for the Women’s Game eventually winning over the soccer superpowers and Canada was looked upon more favourable on the World Soccer Level. 

Who would of thought an Austrian Jew who had his formative school years playing soccer in rural England immigrating to Canada and on a whim when the ref didn’t show up for my brother’s soccer grab his whistle from the car and proceeded to ref the game. Soon after his phone didn’t stop ringing wanting him to get involved which led him to the World stage as an administrator. Diego Maradona grew up poor in the suburbs of Buenos Aires was given a soccer ball at the age of three. By the age of 12 he was displaying mastery with the ball which led him to the world stage and world champion. The Golden Boy. Rest In Power. 

Journey of a Lifetime

 Today is November 11. Remembrance Day in Canada Veterans Day in the States. 75 years ago World War 2 ended and 102 years ago World War 1 ended.  

My father was born an Austrian Jew in Vienna. By the time he was 4 his mother had died and his father was struggling to support and make it on his own supporting a young son. My father was sent to Prague to live with his maternal grandparents. In 1939 with the Germans preparing to roll into Prague, my father was given safe passage at the age of 9 from Vienna to London. This was courtesy of the British Red Cross and a women who would later be his stepmother.  He was part of the Kindertransport. 

He said goodbye to his grandparents clutching a little suitcase in one hand and a stuffed teddy bear in the other as he boarded a train. His grandparents were rounded up by the Germans and perished in an internment camp.

He had to change trains in Germany one to safety the other not,  and then to the port city of Ostend in Belgium to board a ferry for England. The ferry captain didn’t want him to board the ferry even though he had the right documentation.  For fear he would be ward of the state. The fellow ferry passengers vouched for him and he boarded bound for London where he would meet up with his father and stepmother. The irony is that a day earlier his father was on the same ferry. 

My father grew up in rural England was an honours student at Alford school where he excelled at cricket and soccer. He did his stint in the military as a cook at an RAF base. He went on to Oxford and London School of Economics. After college he got a job while completing his doctorate with the British Foreign Service translating captured German war documents. 

He became a history professor teaching at Universities in Australia, England, United States and finally Canada. His area of expertise the era between the two World Wars. He was living history. The experience at age 9 shaped him throughout his life. He learnt how to fend and survive for himself at that early age. I remember auditing one of his history lectures and the students were riveted to his every word. 

In 1999 a reunion for all of Kindertransport children was held in London. My father was reluctant to attend and had to be coaxed into going. The events of this reunion would shape the last few years of my father’s life. He became more in touch with his Jewish heritage. He gave talks throughout the country on anti-semetism. On several occasions he invited me to attend. It was an evening well spent. 

September 11, 2001 was a heavy day for all. He was lecturing and ended up giving his class a lesson about Al-Quida and Bin Laden. That evening I went for a walk and ended up at his place where we talked for hours about the events of the day. The who, what and why. 

On November 16 would be his 91rst birthday. I miss my father every day and knowing he is one of my guardian angels shining down on me. Every year on his birthday and the day he died. I have a glass of single malt and toast him. He loved his scotch. Every November 11 I remember his journey of a lifetime.

I love and miss you Dad. 

Feeling Despondent Yet Hopefully.

 Feeling very low. My depression and anxiety have reach their maximum level. I am so mad right now at our Province and the citizens there of. On September 10 we had 360 cases and 3 people in ICU. On November 10th we have 5390 cases and 30 people in ICU. 

Manitoba we have lost our way. We have become tone deaf to the pandemic in the rush to restart reenergize the economy. Now we have become code red and for how long is anyone’s guess right now. No social distancing. No gyms, rec centres, sporting activities (not that it mattered to me). Only essential businesses open. Line ups at the Liquor stores stretch for blocks. 

Yet schools and daycares are open. Our senior population has become increasingly vulnerable. We have 35 Personal Care Homes in Winnipeg and 24 are reporting outbreaks. There have been multiple deaths at numerous care homes operated by a company for profit out of Ontario. 

I work in health care supervising health care aides in the community. We are working hard to service our clientele in a safe manner. What is a safe manner in this environment. It has been drilled into us not to come to work hen feeling sick. Whenever someone coughs or sneezes at work (yes into our sleeve) everyone goes into panic mode. 

When will it end? Everyone says wait until a vaccine. That will be the game changer. Not entirely masking and social distancing are here for quite awhile. Last weekend an anti mask rally was held in a shopping centre parking lot. Fifty people showed up, the police were at a distance. The attendees covered their license plates. Why? 

I am becoming increasingly despondent with where things are at. Can we find our way. Hopefully, or am I closer to my stepdaughter’s thinking that the apocalypse is close at hand. 

My wife and I have prided ourselves on not turning on each other. We have had our moments. In the end we continue to support and love each other. Our bubble is very secure. All we need is a big bag of popcorn, slurpees and Netflix. We can make the most out of anything. 

Be kind we are all in this together. We can do our part. Stay safe everyone and code red will be over in a couple of weeks. Fingers crossed  

Tone Deaf (US version)

 The pandemic has been raging throughout the world for about 9 months. Some countries are doing better than others like NewZealand, Finland, Iceland, Taiwan, South Korea. Then there is our neighbours to the south. The United States of America who pride themselves on being the greatest country in the world. And proceeds to tell us at every opportunity.

The pandemic has exposed the United States as nothing more than a third world at times. Racial reckoning, no middle class, people lining up for hours to vote. Having volunteers instead of paying staff to work on Election Day. I could go on, however, I think the point is made. There are rich states and poor states. Places you can go and mention the civil rights movement and people will go what civil rights movement. A country that cares more about the second amendment than ensuring that people have affordable let alone universal health care. 

Politicians more concerned with ramming through an unqualified judge who will be a Republican puppet on the Supreme Court than providing a stimulus package for average Americans so they can pay rent, put food on the table and pay for medications. I am looking at you Mitch McConnell, Lindsay Graham and the Dumpster Fire in the Oval Office. You are all tone deaf. You have been in denial for months and the Dumpster Fire for his whole term. More concerned with lining your own pockets than the concerns of real Americans.

The Dumpster Fire is at the top of the list. He is mean spirited among other things. He doesn’t care about the American people especially his base. He only cares about people with the same last name as him. The other day he said if Iowa doesn’t vote Republican he will never come there again. You would have never gone to Iowa if you were not President. He holds massive rallies with no social distancing or mask wearing and than says I get tested every day I am fine. Well buddy. Every time he speaks he lies and he does it to rile up his base who he doesn’t care about  as Joe Biden says “Come On Man”

His son in law Jared Kushner, no experience, no business training. A slum landlord who inherited from his family and married into an even more narcissistic family. Spouting off whatever comes your way because you thing everyone is beneath you and you are smarter than everyone and they will believe you blindly  

Kim Kardashian West took her family and friends to a private island for her 40th birthday. Flaunting your wealth  just because you can doesn’t mean you should. The whole family has made a fortune out of doing nothing. The first societal influencers. They have millions of followers trying to become influencers via social media.

Justin Turner LA Dodgers third baseman an arrogant self absorbed narcissist in every way. He tests positive for COVID  during the last baseball game of the year. He is ordered out of the game and told to isolate. Instead he returns to the field wearing a mask and celebrating his team’s championship and then takes his mask off and sits front and centre for team photo. Thank you for the super spreading the virus.

Everyone I have mentioned is tone deaf, white privileged narcissists who only care about themselves. It is true during times of great strife people show their true colours. Some rise to the occasion and some sadly display no logic, conscience in their actions. I am looking at you the COVID deniers, anti maskers, anti vaccines. No one is going to tell me what I can and cannot do where I have to wear a mask, 

The reality is the pandemic is with us well into next year. There is no going back to normal, there is a new normal with social distancing, mask wearing, following restrictions. Be kind to ourselves and others, respect ourselves and others. We are all in this together  

Come on People, We Can Do Better

 For the 10th day in a row the number of cases has been triple digits in Manitoba. COVID has spiked and appears to not be slowing down. We know what has to be done. It is as if we are paying lip service. Acknowledging what has to done and agreeing to it yet have no intention on following through. 

This is just like people I know who will say things to placate me yet have no intention of following through. Saying what they think I want to hear to get me to shut up. So annoying. Not to mention the gaslighting. Making it out to be my fault. This is a common theme of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).

 All my life I have been dealing with narcissism. People deliberately flaunting the rules, laws of public health is narcissism on a grand scale. In the past couple of days we have heard stories of people flaunting, gaslighting the rules. Examples, going to faith based meetings than going to Personal Care Home (PCH) causing an outbreak. A young adult who tested positive going to a house party with 50+ people. Another person symptomatic and going to work and spreading the disease. Unconsciously, soulless narcissists who only care about themselves. Flaunting their ability to show how important they are. 

We have COVID outbreaks in PCH’s Not surprising that they are all run by the same company. This is what happens when you sacrifice service for profits. We also look for direction to afar. However, south of the border this is what happens when you foolishly vote a known narcissist, misogynistic, bully, blowhard and racist who only cares about himself and anyone with his last name. Sorta of like other people I know. He gives a superspreader rally at an airport in sub zero temperatures causing the people who showed up to experience hypothermia. He continues to downplay every aspect of this pandemic. He has no plan other than continuing to line his own pockets and those of his immediate family. He doesn’t care about anyone else. 

If we have this mentality existing in today’s society we will be dealing with this pandemic for years. There is no going back to the way things were. We have to accept the new normal. The new normal is social distancing, wearing a mask and following the rules of the public health agencies. They have nothing to gain by misleading anyone. Our mental, physical and emotional health will be better for it. At least one doctor dies by suicide every day in the USA. This is not a statistic to be proud of  

I work in community public health and am deemed essential. Some days I force myself to go to work. Today was one of those days. I work hard everyday to maintain my physical health. I have underlying health conditions that put me at higher risk. With everything happening around us it is much harder to stay mentally and physically well. They are both so intrinsically entwined. The key to good mental health is good physical health and vice versa. We can all do better we are all in this together. 

My Anxiety Is...

 Over the last couple of months my anxiety has been and continues to be through the roof. My anxiety takes control over my body when I lay down to go to sleep. My anxiety races all over the place at a frenetic pace. It is like a bull in a china shop except the bull is inside me and the china shop are my emotions running amok. 

I have to get up and take sleeping medication to calm my body, my heart rate down so I can sleep. I am scared and full of fear. Some nights have been sleepless, some nights I awake at 3 or 4 and can’t go back to sleep. I don’t usually remember my dreams, now good or bad I am remembering my dreams and some are quiet vivid and intense. A couple of weeks ago i dreamt that I was stalking the Dumpster Fire. I felt nauseous and awoke in a cold sweat. Ugh.

My wife for years has been saying I am a bull in a china shop. I am loud, have a heavy foot (not the speeding kind), I walk loudly and I freeze at the worst possible time. Like feel immobile, can’t move. I have trouble processing information which leads to freezing which leads to withdrawing. I am afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Like digging a deeper hole to get myself out. Does it work No.

All it does is make me feel even worse about myself and makes me feel incapable. My anxiety spikes and runs amok internally. I do not want that bull to run amok. I do not want to live in fear of my anxiety. I want to embrace it and turn it around so that it can work in my favour. I know this will not happen all the time it will get the better of me, however, I want to be in the place where this is the exception rather than the rule. I don’t want the bull in the china shop. I want the playful puppy. 

I know I can do this because I overcame a fear of heights. The CN tower has a glass floor on their observation level 103 floors up. I would see children sitting on the glass floor looking down. Just the mere sight of the glass floor I would convulse and hug the walls. In 2016 my last trip up to this floor I stood on the glass floor and even looked down for a few seconds and I didn’t hug the walls. Progress. Small baby steps. 

It will not be easy yet I can do it with small baby steps. I want to stand up to that bull(y) and not live in fear. Just watch me. 

Staycation 2020

 Vacation week has come to an end. I did a lot and at the same did nothing. I guess this is the definition of a staycation. 

I learnt how to make perogies, bananas foster, egg drop soup. I was surprised at the simplicity and complexity of them all. We did some housework (it is not our strengths). We went car shopping and hopefully by the end of October have new wheels. 

I donated blood for the 33rd time. The new reality is no walk in appointments, mask requirements. They do not take your blood pressure. Temperature is taken upon entry and social distancing at its finest. Once the screening period is over from the time they stick the needle in to finish the pint of blood 6 minutes. 

They check your hemoglobin and the threshold for males is 130. I rocked it with a cool 139. The sad reality is I have been under this threshold and have to endure the walk of shame on several occasions. Every time this leads to a certain amount of anxiety. Will I or not make the threshold. When I do it is a major success. I started donating blood on a whim. Shelley is a regular donor over 75 times. She asked me to come with her November 10th, 2012. It had snowed overnight and roads were treacherous. I agreed reluctantly. However, I wanted to support her. It was important to her. I thought misguided that I wouldn’t qualify because of Type 2 diabetes. I was amazed at how seamless it all was. When the donor assistant said after my pint that I have saved up to 3 lives that sealed it for me. For the next several years until 2018 we made this a every 56 day morning date event. The staff got to know us and welcomed our visit. 

What changed in 2018 was the parameters. The hemoglobin threshold changed and man could now donate every 56 days and women every 80 days. Unfortunately we have to donate separately. Our favourite donor assistant referenced this yesterday commenting that I was solo. 

Thank you Shelley for encouraging me to donate and to overcome my fear of the experience.  Thank you for showing me a few foods to make and some I had never heard of. Some days I truly think that I was raised by wolves. I was not taught showed basic skills liking cooking, cleaning and others that show up in our relationship periodically. Sometimes I think I am the stupidest person on earth and am the idiot little brother. I was raised to live in fear and be scared of the boogeymen.  

The reality is there is no boogeymen and again thank you Shelley for leading me out of the dark and into the light. This week was Canadian Thanksgiving and I am blessed and grateful to have her as my soulmate, my partner the love of my life. Her family has embraced me and I have the most amazing grandson in the world. I am blessed and grateful to have an amazing group of friends support network around me. We check in with each other on a regular basis. I love you all. I am blessed and grateful for my career and the excellent team I work with. The amount of opportunities, interests keeps me inspired and grounded. 

2020 has been a trying year for many many reasons, however, it has also given us all an opportunity to appreciate the little things. To recognize how important family is and family is whoever you make it out to be. Family is support, love, admiration for one another. This week has also been a tough one personally. I lost my uncle, a good friend and a friends father. F..k cancer. I attended my first virtual funeral. 

Everyone has a story to tell and a story we may know nothing about. At all times be respectful and kind. Karma works in mysterious ways allow it. Peace and love to all. 

Blessed and Grateful

 Today is Thanksgiving. In this weirdest of years there is a lot to be grateful and blessed. I am grateful for my amazing and beautiful soulmate. We complete each other. I am also blessed to have two incredibly diverse and talented stepchildren. They are carving their niche in totally different areas of life and location. I am grateful and blessed to have the most adorable and amazing grandson in all the world. Yes I am slightly biased. 

He is 4 and a half and started preschool which he loves. He is unabashed. The next school day he announces to some older boys. “ Hey Ollie’s back”. When Shelley and I see other little toddlers we say to ourselves he/she is cute yet not Ollie cute.

I am blessed to have an amazing support network that I can reach out to whenever and they reach back whenever. One of our friends dropped off  homemade Cabbage Rolls at 1030 last night. We turn them into soup and it was delicious. 

We had a vegan dinner, roast yam, with leeks, carrots, beets, turnips and onions. Years ago I would never have thought of having a vegan dinner. I am grateful that I am able to explore new foods without repercussions or negative chatter from my birth family. The key is to tune them out. 

I am blessed and grateful to live in a country where I am able to freely express my opinion. I am aware of my white male privilege and admit I have taken advantage of it. I am also more aware of the marginalized and oppressed communities within our society. We all know better so we can all do better. 

This has been the weirdest of years  The pandemic, to racial reckoning on both sides of the border. The American election has divided the country and in some aspects the world. It is sad to see how unhinged the current President is. It is a train wreck where you cannot look away. The next revelation is bigger than the last one. Thankfully the end is near however come on America this is the best you can come up with two Septuagenarians.

Overall, my mental health has wavered up down and all around. A couple of months ago I felt like checking out (albeit fleeting). My sweetie especially knows when I start to waver downward. She sees it in me. I become angry, irritable and as Shelley says “ Old Andrew Comes Out”. It is not a pleasant experience. We talk and I practice self care and I connect with my support network. 

Be kind, be respectful, support one another. Don’t let the little things get to you. Control what you can. Bad and good days will happen. I am blessed and grateful for my family, my friends, my activities, hobbies, interests, my career  Happy Thanksgiving  

Feeling Depleted

 I am emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally depleted. It has been a very long series of months since the pandemic started and we are nowhere near the end. 

I work in the healthcare field and have been deemed essential since the start of the pandemic. For the first couple of months we had to undergo screening before admitted to the office. However, since July we have been asked to self screen and undergo spot auditing. I have now been audited twice. I am asked how I arrived at the decision I am well enough to come to work. I ask myself and check how I am feeling. No headache, nausea, diarrhea, new cough etc. 

In telling the auditor all of this, I said that it doesn’t gauge our mental and emotional state. I have come to work physically healthy however, not mentally or emotionally. It is getting harder and harder to keep a stiff upper lip about my mental state. 

Thankfully, I have a great manager and nurses as colleagues who we check in with each other on a regular basis. Some days I feel extremely overwhelmed and ponder should I go to work or not as a result. I have read lots of articles about the effects the pandemic is having on our mental health. I know I can relate first hand. 

The events of the world take a heavy toll on our health. I live in Canada and are inundated with news from south of the border. This past weekend Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg lost her courageous battle with pancreatic cancer. Almost immediately the Dumpster Fire and his cronies were salivating over the fact of nominating a new Justice before the election. Hypocrites all of them. You see 4 years earlier when Justice Anthony Scalia died and Obama was President they fought tooth and nail to prevent him from nominating a successor. Now the tables have turned and the rules have changed. Really, it is disgusting, hypocritical, inappropriate, shameful and all of these elected officials suddenly have the worst case of amnesia. 

How can this type of behaviour not have an affect on our health. How can someone consistently lie and lie? As George said to Jerry on Seinfeld “ If you believe a lie long enough it becomes truth” How does the President and the Republican Senators look at themselves in the mirror everyday? I must admit I know because for me years ago lying became the easiest thing to do. One day when my partner was my girlfriend I had an awakening and took responsibility for my actions and embraced my anxiety and depression.

It is hard not to have the events of the world not play with our mental health. My partner and I both noticed me slipping last week. I reached out and made an appt with my counsellor. Next week can hardly wait. I also connected with my Nurse Practitioner. I went back to the basics by practicing self care and reaching out to my support network. 

As I have blogged before, I talk to strangers, say hi to everyone I encounter with a smile on my face, I make every effort to be kind. It does work, I have strangers Say hi to me before I have a chance to say hi to them. Overall life is good. However, I have to work twice as hard everyday to remain positive and not go negative. I do feel depleted and lacking energy motivation yet at the same time staying buoyant and hopeful for a brighter future. It sure does help to have a great grandson in my life. Shelley said I was calling out his name in my sleep. That is a sign, karma is at work. Life will get better. Hope springs eternal.  

The Well Feels Empty

 My anxiety is through the roof, I feel constantly overwhelmed, emotionally and mentally drained. When this combination the only thing I want to do emotional eat. Not just eat but eat comfort food. Mine is a big bag of popcorn and a couple of cans of ginger ale. I am diabetic so these are not good for me. My resilience is at an all time low. 

My resilience to fight off my triggers for depression and anxiety. My resilience to fight off cravings to food drink and unhealthy activity. My resilience to fight off negative influences. I am afraid I will spout off words and actions that will be harmful to myself and others. 

Back in August I felt like checking out. September is Suicide Prevention Month and evening though I haven’t felt like checking out I haven’t felt right either. Cases are rising all around. I just feel like cocooning again and riding out the pandemic. Reality kicks in and I am an essential worker so some days I drag my ass into work when I don’t feel like it. They tell us to stay home if we are sick (physically) what about if you are not feeling right mentally or emotionally as I have on more than my share of days during the pandemic.

It also doesn’t help when you see more and more people bucking the science and becoming anti maskers and anti pandemic believers. Saying it is a hoax or will just go away. Here in both Canada and south of the border. I see more people not wearing masks than wearing them  the other night I went to a Trivia night and our table of four were masked and one other person masked  the rest of the crowd  were younger were not masked  

I am a current event news junkie, however, now I hardly ever turn it on  the same old same old. US election rhetoric and pandemic news from all viewpoints. I can’t wait for November 3rd to be over and done. The vicious campaigns, no wonder good honest people don’t want to seek office. The media scrutiny is not worth it for most people. I once thought of running for public office, not anymore. It is not about policy it is about who can smear the other person the best/worst. That’s why politics attract the rich or the narcissistic people.

I finished an online course today about Indigenous Cultural Training. It was informative, insightful, and made me think about how incideous and horrible we were and still are to marginalized communities. I definitely have had my eyes and ears opened. As the adage goes When We Know Better, We Do Better . From now on I will do better  my theme for this year has been to Be Kind. I have been and respect that everyone has a story to tell that we know nothing about  

Be Kind Always, Respect Others

 and Wear A Damn Mask  

An Impactful and Surreal Day, We Will Never Forget.

 Nineteen years ago the world changed. On this fateful day 3,000+ plus innocent people were just starting their day not knowing this would be their last day on earth. 

Fear and terror struck early and often. It is a day anyone over 25 years of age will remember were they were. I had just gotten out of the shower when my roommate yelled out a plane has just hit the world trade centre. I thought “Holy Shit that must have been some wicked fog for that to happen“ . Only to see the tv screen and the second plane approaching the second tower. 

My immediate thought was terrorism has struck America by who. My next thought was my father has a cousin who was a lawyer in Manhattan and hoped he was safe. Getting to work and finding out the third plane had slammed into the Pentagon. I thought of a Toastmaster friend who worked at the Pentagon and hoped he was safe.

The President ordered all aircraft throughout America to immediately land at the closest airport. This affected Canada and here in Winnipeg we had within the hour 35 planes landing. The largest being a Northwest jumbo jet from Detroit to Tokyo. People were offering to billet stranded passengers and provide food. The kindness kept on coming. Then the fourth plane crashed in rural Pennsylvania after the passengers rebelled. Watch the movie United 93. You will not be disappointed.

It was hard to concentrate on work that day. Everyone was focused on the events. We even had a big meeting where we all discussed the events and leaned on each other for support.

Sports were cancelled, every tv station had the events and aftermath on. It was hard to get away. About 7 pm I went for a walk. The streets were bare, hardly any activity. I walked and ended up at my fathers place. He lived about 3 km away and on a flight path which was eerily silent except for the drone of a military plane flying nearby.

Luckily he was home, the door was open. I heard his booming voice inviting me in and for the next 3 hours we sat drinking scotch single malt and talking about the day. Well truth be told my dad was a history professor so I got the best lesson I ever had. He was teaching a class when word broke and he gave his class the same lesson he gave me. I learned more about Al-Quiada and Bin Laden and why they did what they did.  

On Sept 10 night I had been out with my friend Mike doing our usual Monday Night tradition of watching MNF at our local establishment. Millions of people were going about their lives not knowing what the future held.

We have all heard the stories of bravery, valour, heroism, compassion and kindness that came out of that day. From the firefighters and police officers racing up the stairs to their impending demise in the towers as Survivors were on their way down. To the people of Gander and Newfoundland who gave of themselves and developed life long bonds wth the displaced passengers stranded by the airspace shutdown. Their stories chronicled in the award winning play Come From Away. 

Even today we are hearing untold stories from that day. We can never forget. We have embraced the changes that have been imposed on us from that day. The world has for the most part gotten better and braver. Even today when we are struggling with the COVID pandemic we will emerge stronger and better for the experience. Be kind, compassionate and respectful always. We never know what people are dealing with. Everyone has their own story. 

Narcissism Affects My Mental Health

 The President of the United States is a real piece of work. His 3 and a half year reign as President has been a sickening display of narcissistic, misogynistic, lying, bullying behaviour. Thousands of innocent lives have been lost and ruined by this Dumpster Fire Orange Menace POS. 

The stories keep on getting worse, every day brings a new scandal, a new revelation, a new lie. Anybody who criticizes him is either fired or he claims it is fake news. His so called empire is a total house of cards. Why is he vehemently working to protect the releasing of his tax records; because he doesn’t want it publicly known that he is not as wealthy as he claims and that h8s whole life is a sham. 

He only cares about people with the same last name as his or are related to someone with the same last name. Unless you speak negatively of him. Example his niece and sister. He had thrown them under the bus. He is such a super narcissist that if you aren’t kissing his ass he has no time for you. He holds grudges and has a strong hatred for women who he can’t control (Hilary Clinton and Kamala Harris) just to name two. 

He has famously gone on record saying he would date his daughter if she wasn’t his daughter. How creepy is that. That statement is so misogynistic and disgusting. The reason he has sucked up to dictators like Putin and the North Korean guy is so he can figure out how to be President for life. It has already started. 

I live in Canada and my mental health has been dramatically affected by this asshole and everything he spews from inciting riots, dividing the nation and insisting on COVID 19 going away. He dismissed one of his biggest supporters death (Herman Cain) that he contracted COVID 19 at the Tulsa rally. It was a super spreader event.

He has tried to bully his way to manage and control the narrative  at every end. He cuts people off, doesn’t answer any question he doesn’t like. He will not acknowledge anyone who isn’t sucking up to him.  He is unfit and incapable of the office. 

I pray for the American people, I hope you make the right decision November 3rd  I am afraid that anarchy may result regardless of the outcome and my anxiety is through the roof just writing that.

How can we get back to peace, love, integrity and kindness. It can happen.

The Bark Was Worse Than The Bite

 The first week of September has been interesting to say the least. Work wise it was a short week due to taking Thurs and Fri off. Usually, I would be happy and looking forward to having days off prior to the long weekend. However, the two days off were for prep and procedure for medical purposes. 

They were bookended by my sweetie’s latest foray into stand up comedy. Going back in time she was Winnipeg’s funniest person with a day job runner up in 2006. Comedy, humor and laughter have always been a huge part of her life. Growing up in a small town, having wonderful parents and siblings who saw the humor in everything. It became a natural extension of her persona. Laughter is the great equalizer and humor can be found at every turn.

She was part of an open mic night. One of seventeen performers and she rocked it. Out of the seventeen she was either the best or second best on the night. Three nights later she put her name into the hat for women’s open mic night. So we waited and waited then finally at 8:00 pm we got the call. She was number 4 out of 12 and the show starts at 9:00 pm. So we got ready and off we went. 

The host was an amazing funny lady full of spunk who seamlessly kept the night flowing from one comic to the next. I would like to be able to tell you that Shell rocked it, she had a few funny lines, however, it wasn’t her night. She is not discouraged. The open comedy mic community is vibrant. 

On the Thursday I started the prep for my procedure, no solid food all day, no coffee, no drink with any colour in it. No coffee what was I to do.. it was going to be a long day. As the day wore on I thought I got this and than the evening cam and had to drink CoLyte 4 litres over 4 hours. 

I was told that being near a bathroom was an important piece. To take a book with you. Well they were right. It was a long 4 hours. Enough to take one’s appetite away. I persevered and got my bowels cleaned out and even slept a few hours.

Awoke at 6:10 having to be at the hospital for 6:30, made it with time to spare. I beat everyone the dept was not open yet. I was soon taken in to the prep room. I was attended by a bevy of nurses and then wheeled to the procedure room. The doctor came in and said the procedure would only take 20 min. I was put under with two sedatives and woke up 8n the recovery room 20 min later they said I could go home. 

I was considered to be impaired for 24 hours. I could not drive a vehicle, drink alcohol, operate power tools and most importantly not make any important or legal decisions. Shelley would have to pick the Netflix shows to watch the rest of the day. 

A week ago I was apprehensive and my depression and anxiety kicked in thinking about. Wondering what they would find. I thought the worst of course and preliminary findings were all clear. I didn’t know how I would handle the 50 hours without solid food or the 48 hrs without coffee. Well I did and the procedures bark turned out to be worse than it’s bite. 

Do Not Knock It Until You Try It

 I have been accused of over sharing on social media. Sharing lots of personal information that shouldn’t be shared on social media. 

The answer is yes and no. I do over share at times and no I do not share any real personal information. I am not telling people my passwords. I am not sharing addresses or phone numbers. Or other sensitive information. What I do share is about myself, my thoughts feelings emotions. My up and downs. I am a mental health advocate. I live and deal with depression and anxiety everyday. 

By sharing my journey, hopefully the stigma is just a little bit less. Hopefully people will be more compassionate, more respectful and kinder towards others. Maybe, it helps one person feel better about themselves even if that person is me.

This past weekend I was having a a couple of bad days. When this happens I refer to it as not feeling the love. It is time for me to think of myself, practice self care and be with myself. I shared this on social media and got lots of positive words of encouragement and only one negative response. I considered the source and moved on. 

The beauty and curse of living with depression and anxiety is that it can come out of the blue like it did on Saturday morning. I was reading up on my routine medical procedure I am having at the end of the week. My subconscious mind took over and than I started having doubts and running through every negative scenario my mind could think of.  I know it was wrong, however how do you tell your mind to shut out the negative thoughts? 

I am buoyed and comforted by my amazing network. They have always come through for me. It is now 4 days out from my procedure and I am confident that everything will go well and the result will come back in a favourable way for me. Maybe I had to have all those irrational fears and thoughts. 

One thing I know is that I am going to continue to share my journey with depression and anxiety on social media. If you don’t like it you can unfollow me. I will not be hurt or offended. I have become an open book with many chapters still to write and share. 

The Rise And Fall Of The Rise And Fall

 Last night I watched the Republican National Convention. It was a train wreck and farcical, however, like any train wreck I felt compelled to watch. It made me want to throw up at every speaker. The worshiping of this misogynistic, narcissistic imbecile dumpster fire Orange menace currently occupying the Oval Office was revolting. 

After watching my anxiety skyrocketed and it took several hours to settle back down. I felt incredibly sad for the great people and country of the United States. I implore you to do the right thing on November 3rd and not give this POS another 4 years. 

In the late afternoon yesterday I was feeling buoyant and upbeat at the great stance taken by professional athlete’s to boycott their games, take a stand. Thank you Milwaukee Bucks for starting the boycott. The National Hockey League had a moment of reflection and played on. Cowards and always a reactive league and not progressive. 

Today the Dumpster Fire first unleashed his minion Jared (slum landlord) Kushner to say about the sports boycott that “they are lucky and rich enough to be able to take a night off from work”.  Than the Dumpster Fire got in on the act by saying “ I know their ratings have been very bad, I think people are a little tired of the NBA frankly. They have become like a political organization and that’s not a good thing  I don’t think that is a good thing for sports or the country”.

Racism can be so subtle, it is like a dog whistle. Did you hear the dog whistle in the 2 quotes? It was there loud and clear. Subtle yet effective. This is white narcissistic privilege. It makes me sick. They have convinced some of the public to drink the Kool-Aid unfortunately it work in 2016. Please don’t let it work again this year. 

The rhetoric is disgusting offering up lie after lie, mistruths at every turn. Gaslighting the public at every turn. Creating fear and dividing and conquering. No wonder our (my) mental health teeters on the brink. 

I am an eternal optimist, glass half full type of guy, however, my resources are becoming depleted and we still have 60+ days to go. I place my faith in karma. What goes around comes around and their is always a price to pay for our actions. 

Be kind always and listen for the dog whistle. When you hear it, call it out.

August has been a sad month so far.

 In my home province we have seen an uptake in COVID cases over the last month. The one positive to all this is that very few of the cases have been community transmission. Most of the cases are connected to existing cases or retaliated to travel.

I know many of us are getting pandemic fatigue, wanting to get back to normal whatever that looks like. The normal that we have come to know is gone forever. The new normal we better get used to which includes masks social distancing and repetitive hand washing. 

Masks are to be worn in public places and cover the nose and mouth. In shops, public transit, schools, get used to it. If you don’t like it suck it up buttercup. Heaven forbid do not shame or take your frustration out on innocent people just doing their job. 

Even when a vaccine is introduced, the virus will still be around and people will still get sick and die from it. Just like the flu. Mask wearing will be common place. 

If you do not want to wear a mask in public to go shopping, to travel, watch a movie, sporting event that is your choice. Or just don’t do those things. Your sense of privilege is noted however, don’t blame other people that your freedom is somehow being compromised. Don’t shame other people for following the rules and not flaunting them like you with privilege do.  It is a necessary restriction, like wearing a seatbelt while driving  

Every time you do one’s mental health is compromised. The mental health numbers have increased during this pandemic. I know mine has wavered substantially. I have had some lows my depression and anxiety have been at the utmost. I have reached out to my counsellor, my friends, my network and received the support I needed at the time. One of the greatest healing methods for me is to hear the voice of my grandson Oliver “Ollie”. His voice is so beautiful and blessed that it is hard not to have a smile on my face during and after the call.  

Be kind to all. Be supportive of all and we will get through this and learn to live with this virus. Be acceptive and respectful of the new normal and wear a damn mask. 

We all have a Story to Tell

 Six years ago and one day the world lost a gifted, talented, creative genius. He also was one of the most misunderstood people one would ever encounter. His public persona was a facade compared to his private persona. Robin Williams died by suicide August 11, 2014. 

He loved to entertain, he loved to put on a show and could do it at the drop of the hat. One of his best bits is the penultimate show of Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show. Watch it you will literally be rolling on the floor in tears from laughing so hard. Pure spontaneous adlib, improvisation. 

For years I marvelled in his comedic genius. Than as I became accepting of my depression and anxiety, I began to see past the humor to a man who was hurting, trying to escape his demons through humor. It is okay to not be okay. Robin’s greatest legacy other than his 3 children, is the joy and happiness he offered to others, particularly to those fighting their own personal battles. This was so evident in the roles he played in his most successful movies from Good Will Hunting playing a professor who sees genius in the schools caretaker to Good Morning Vietnam playing a DJ when he sees the reality of war and the effects it has on people. Dead Poets Society playing an idealistic teacher leaving a lasting impression on his students to Carpe Diem.

We all have a story to tell. We all are taking our path. It is ours no one can take it from us. They can choose walk along beside or let you go your own way, however, not impede on it in any way. Too many people impede or infringe because they think they know better or don’t believe you. I can vividly remember a family member saying to me “ You Can’t Blame Your Depression On Me “. Well in fact some aspects I did and still do. Be kind always. 

Hello August

July is always the toughest month of the year for me to get through. I have learned to deal with the fear of the month. It no longer paralyzes me, however, I am still affected by the events that happened to me in July. In particular Friday’s in July.

Let me explain. Over the last 30+ years family and friends have died in July and on Fridays.

 The first one was my cousin. She died by suicide. I had only met her a few times in our lives. However, a few years before her passing we spent considerable time together. As young adults we spent hours talking about the future and attempting to solve the world’s problems. Her death affected me greatly. The first time someone I knew died by suicide. For years when I saw a TV show or movie that showed her method I would leave the room, turn away or cover my eyes. When I hear someone died by suicide, I think of her. 

The second one was my uncle, her father. Almost 5 years to the day later and of course on a Friday. He was a wise and proud man who never got over the death of his youngest child. I believe that he died mentally and emotionally the day his daughter died and it took 5 years for his body to give in.

The third one was my father. A surreal day to say the least. He was my hero. My voice of reason. A leader, innovator, trailblazer, administrator, historian and survivor. I feel his presence everyday. You got it he died on a a Friday. 

Finally, my best friend of 25 years. Mike was a mini version of my father. We met in University when I was the student manager and he was the athletic trainer for the University Men’s Basketball team. A free spirit who lived life to the fullest culminating in 2003 when he climbed the second largest mountain in the world. I miss our weekly gathering of the bishops at the Cathedral for choir practice. Yes he died on a a Friday.

I was fearful of Friday’s in July asking myself the question who is next or would I be the next.  Living in fear was no fun. It consumed me, I didn’t want to go out, let alone work. I would work and then come home and not leave until Friday had passed. I credit my support network led by my soulmate and counselling to successfully overcome my fear. 

I now remember each person in a special way with a Scotch salute to my father and Hoisting a dark ale for Mike. My uncle and cousin I remember through my mental health awareness and my own journey with depression and anxiety. I recognize the importance of using the right terminology for mental health and work to educate people especially students by sharing my story to middle and high school aged students. 

It is okay to not be okay. The more we share and our open, the less the stigma will become. More people are being open about their struggles from the famous to you and I. We are all courageous for coming forward and recognize that sometimes our struggle has too strong a hold on us that the only way out is the ultimate way. There is nothing weak about this choice. People are choosing to end their pain through strength.  One of the famous people I admire was Robin Williams. A tremendously gifted and creative comedic genius who used his gift of comedy to mask his real feelings. Looking back at old movies and clips I can seen the pain and heartache. Lady Gaga an amazing entertainer who deals daily with anxiety and self worth images. Kristen Bell deals with post-Partum and works to create awareness around the disease. We can all do our part. The simplest and easiest thing to do is Be Kind and Be Supportive. We are all in the together. 

Where Did Common Sense Go.

Common sense where did you go? Asking for a friend.  Ever since the pandemic came to North America common sense left our vernacular our reality our society. From day one there were COVID deniers and conspiracy theories. 

It didn’t help that the so called most powerful man in the world, the dumpster fire orange menace currently occupying the Oval Office was the biggest denier. At every corner he has done everything to discredit the medical experts and science. He has no conscience and no soul. 

I used to watch the news daily, in fact I was such a news junkie I would devour the newspapers before breakfast and watch all the news channels. Now I sometimes let the papers go a day without reading them. When now I watch the news I get a headache and feel depressed and anxious. I wonder if there is a future and what it will look like. 

On the other hand I look and hear about how my grandson is embracing life at 4 1/2 and living like there is no care in the world and it his oyster. I have hope and he gives me hope to continue on. I look at my stepdaughter and think how strong, mature she is. How she is blazing her own path and preparing (her words) for the apocalypse. My stepson lives in Vancouver and knows more about that city than any other person. He is the city greatest ambassador. He has written a book waiting to be published. A free spirit embracing life to the fullest and creating his own niche. They give me hope to carry on.

We will be living the new normal for many years to come. Our mental health will continue to waver. We are all doing our best. We are all flawed human beings. When we know better we do better. Be discerning, be accepting, be responsible, be respectful and when someone tells you to wear a mask to enter their establishment Wear a Mask. Don’t throw a hissy fit about your constitutional rights are being violated. 

Self care and good mental health. We are all in this together. By working together we can get common sense back and prevalent. 

Good Trouble

I have been thinking about how interesting the world has become over the last 7 months. How much has changed and will continue to change. What will the new normal look like? In my own bubble How much has changed and how far still to go.

I do know that masks and social distancing are here to stay and that is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. I do know that we will be living with the coronavirus for quite awhile. I do know that it will be awhile before I travel to the United States. In fact it may be awhile before we travel anywhere outside of Manitoba. We are doing well, however, we have to remain vigilant and do everything to prevent an uptick in cases. 

As the Province opens up and we begin to interact with more people in more settings our comfort level will increase or decrease depending on the scenario. Case in point this weekend we were out at a gathering on Friday night about 10 people in total. A few I knew the others met for the first time. A lady shows up about 11pm and some of the people call her brown sugar. Later on I asked her if she was okay being called brown sugar. She said yes and then explained that is her nickname. Last night we went and met with some people Shelley knew from high school and hadn’t seen in over 30 + plus. They were able to pick up right where they left off all those years ago.

There are many things I have noticed and learned from this Pandemic. The most important thing is to put our faith and trust in the medical professionals and scientists. I work in the healthcare field and as more is learnt about the virus the more adaptable we become. We have gone from screening to self screening for entry into the office. Also if you are unwell don’t come to work. I am sure I would not be the only one who would drag themselves into work knowing full well that we were not 100%. Well that ship has sailed. 

People still think in the new normal that we can get away with saying whatever we want and doing whatever we want because it is our right, freedom and liberties. Many examples abound. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez is an amazing young lady and  a Democratic Congressman . She was called a f...king bitch by a misogynist narcissist impersonating a Republican Congressman. She schooled him in public and gained the respect of a nation. Capitol Hill is not and has not for a long time been the last bastion of white male privilege however Some still think it is. 

Shelley enjoys playing poker. Yet almost every time she plays there is always one or two players who feel that it is there place to tell her that the poker room is not for women. Again she calls them out all the time. 

Inappropriate behaviour needs to be called out and the perpetrators held accountable for their actions.  For the last several months pictures of bad, racist, inappropriate behaviour have been called out and shamed on social media.  They have been referred to by a male and female name. This reference has been used and is a direct insult to everyone with that name. It is unnecessary and totally inappropriate to use a name which could be our wife’s, mother’s, sister’s, daughter’s, granddaughters, nieces, nephews, grandson’s son’s, brother’s, father’s and husband. I admit I have used the names in reference to their actions. I recognize how inappropriate and insensitive it was and will no longer use the reference. I am sorry. When I know better I do better. 

Everyday lessons are learned and I am working on being a better human being. One of the simplest things to do is to be kind. Be kind to ourselves, be kind to others and be kind to our environment. John Lewis civil rights icon lived a life we can all learn from and emulate. Rest In Power.

The View Today

This picture is from my balcony as I watch the world go by and wait for the evening storm to come and pass. Idyllic, serene view with lots of geese, deer and tons of people walking along the trail except tonight.  

I have been thinking a lot about my mental health over the last couple of months. How can I not, so much has happened. The world is changing. Everyday seems to bring a new normal. My mental health has wavered and I have worked very hard to prevent myself from going down the rabbit hole.  

I am glad that I have had my partner, my rock, my sweetie beside me. I am glad that I have been able to talk to my stepdaughter and grandson who always brings a smile to my face. Every time we talk to them we spend the next several hours reliving the moments of their prior visits. 

I am glad that I work in healthcare and have not had work interruptions like so many thousands of other people. I love my career, I have great colleagues and staff that are committed to providing quality front line community service. I feel for the people who have lost their jobs or laid off through this crisis. 

As we work through the pandemic we are encountered with the jarring reality that are society is unjust, unfair, skewed and racist. White privilege is prevalent, especially white male privilege. In Canada, a number of incidents involving Indigenous men and women have ended in lives being lost at the hands of Police and RCMP. South of the border multiple African Americans lost their lives at the hands of Police and white males. In also doesn’t help when the Orange Menace is provoking his support base and flaunting all professional advice in an effort to get re-elected. It is sad that the best the Americans can come up with to determine the next President are two Septuagenarians. I wonder if Vegas is taking odds whether they will last their term.

No wonder one’s mental health is compromised. Before I was formerly diagnosed with depression and anxiety I used to say I am in a funk and unfortunately the funk could last for weeks or months. Now I am educated and recognize that depression is a flaw in chemistry not character. 

Depression is either a curse or blessing. Some days it can be both or just one or the other. Some days my depression is triggered be something someone said or did. Other days I can wake up and not feel the love, lacking energy or motivation.  It is really hard to explain and yet easy to explain.  When I am anxious, I freeze on the spot. My mind shuts for a few seconds and can’t process information. For a few seconds to a few minutes I become paralyzed. Do I like being this way? No. I am appreciative to have a partner and my support network who understand me and mental health sometimes better than I do.

I have learnt to be kind, appreciative, supportive and empathetic. I know what triggers me and what my core emotions are and able to react to these. I allow my emotions to flow. I still take things personally, I am accountable for my actions. I am perfectly imperfect. Be yourself. 

Not Feeling The Love

For the last couple of weeks I haven’t been feeling the love. I have been feeling outraged, despondent, distraught. I have also been feeling like how am I supposed to continue and what can I do to show support first for flattening the COVID 19 curve,  than in support of the Black Lives Matter movement and now feel for the Indigenous people here in Canada.

My mental health has wavered severely and I am concerned about going down the rabbit hole of depression. It didn’t help last week when I shared some good news with a family member. This family member seemed supportive until they said “ I hope you didn’t mention that mental health crap”. I immediately called this member out and how hurtful that comment was. This family member said “ I have upset you and I love you “. I quickly ended the phone call.

My immediate thought was I can’t believe they said this and than I thought yes I can. No filter. No insight, no support.

The next day video evidence surfaced of police kicking a suspect in Winnipeg surfaced as did a video of a physical altercation against an Indigenous leader in Alberta. Plus a second murder of an Indigenous person in New Brunswick. Systemic racism is rampant within Canada and in many sectors of our society not just within police. If you think it isn’t than you are part of the problem.

I am outraged that a man was shot after being asleep in his car in a restaurant drive through in Atlanta and two men found hanging from trees In Los Angeles. This is why people are marching the streets. They are tired, angry, outraged and want change. Systemic racism is rampant.

Today a VP of an American news network was suspended for racist comments. This POS women was middle aged and probably had her views passed on down to her.  Systemic racism.

I am no saint and ashamed of myself as I have had judgements about people in the past. I am making a conscious effort to be aware of my words before they come out of my mouth. It has cost me painful moments and a few friendships over the past years.

I have been deeply affected and my sweetie and I have had some great conversations about the state of the world and how we can do our part. And how we can do better and be better human beings.  I make a point of saying hi to everyone I can on the street. I smile and wave at people in fellow cars when stopped at lights. I am appalled that here we are in 2020 and systematic racism is as prevalent as it is.

I want to feel better, I want to remain positive. I want to not feel like crying every day. I want to go to bed every night and wake up the next morning feeling happy, positive and energetic. My sweetie and I have a saying every morning “ Rock the Day “.

In a world where we can be anything Be Kind. It is simple.

Filthy Rich Despicable Scumbag

I watched the excellent Netflix series Filthy Rich recently which exposed some very bad people (Jeffrey Epstein who will be referred to as a despicable scumbag and Donald Trump who will be refereed to as the Orange Menace Dumpster Fire). These two disgusting people preyed on and still prey on the vulnerable and innocent for their own personal gain, reward and gratification.

After watching this show I became sick to my stomach. Threw up many times. I had a bad taste in my mouth for days. No amount of mouthwash helped.

I honestly don’t know how the despicable scumbag made his millions. He lied and cheated his way through life cozying up to the so called elite white privilege of society. He falsified his his resume into a teaching post at a prestigious school in NYC wormed his way into a brokerage firm where he became a top seller until he was exposed and fired. Somewhere, somehow he swindled millions from a wealthy Ohio businessman.

Basically the despicable scumbag never worked an honest day in his life. He conned his way and took advantaged of the innocent and vulnerable for over 30 years. He befriended the daughter of Robert Maxwell who became his trusted confidant and exploiter. Two days before he died he changed his will to transfer all his assets to his brother. One final way of manipulating, abusing and asserting his power. Well you despicable scumbag the joke is on you. You no longer have any reign over the women. Their voice is loud and will not be silenced.

Young girls as young as 13 were preyed upon and lured with the hope of modelling or acting opportunities. Instead they were sexually assaulted, raped, psychologically, physically, emotionally and mentally abused and manipulated and trafficked.

The young girls now brave, courageous young women are the heroes. Through this series they were able to have their voice their powerful voice heard and believed. They are still fighting and cannot be silenced. Bravo. I feel for you. Your pain, suffering and ordeal endured are more than anyone should have to experience.

The Orange Menace Dumpster Fire currently occupying the Oval Office partied with the despicable scumbag and once referred to him as a  “terrific guy and that he likes beautiful women as much as I do and many of them are on the younger side”. One word to describe this is Creepy and Disgusting. Okay two words. Of course now he is distancing himself like everyone else who profited or associated with the despicable scumbag at your expense. Their time will come because Karma is at play and it is a bitch.

I can’t imagine what you are going through in dealing with your trauma, your healing, your recovery. Your story is important and has to be told. Be strong and I support and stand with you. Just because it looks like one will not be held accountable, I have learnt that a reckoning will come and his will still come.

Prince Was A Wise Man

Today would have been Prince Rodgers Nelson’s 62 birthday. It would have been a day to celebrate with all things purple. He was an amazingly talented creative genius. He loved Minneapolis and gave so much back to the city. The stories of him helping young musicians at Paisley Park are legendary.

Minneapolis is a proud city embracing its Nordic ancestry, it is the state of hockey. I know MSP the airport like the back of my hand, having passed through so often. I have so many great friends who make Minneapolis home. We cheer for the Vikings, Wild, Wolves and Twins wherever possible.

Yet today Minneapolis is hurting like the rest of America. Honest hardworking people of all colours, ethnicities have had it and are outraged. The protests are working, my city had a peaceful rally with 15000 to 20000 attending. Conversely the next day my city had an end the lockdown restrictions rally and attracted 30 people.

We have all had to take a step back and evaluate our lot in life. We need to recognize that our white privilege is not what it is cracked up to be. We are not better than others just because of our skin colour or gender. We have to treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way we want to treat them.

The lives of George Floyd, Ahmed Aubrey, Breona Taylor, Chantel Moore will not be dismissed and forgotten. The scumbags who took their lives will pay the price. In every box of eggs there is usually one bad one. In every sector of life there are some bad people. All police officers are not bad. They are here to serve and protect. At what part is serving and protecting kneeling on a neck for 9 minutes. That is just premeditated first degree murder.

As Prince said “ When You Don’t Talk Down To Your Audience, Then They Can Grow With You” .
if you are a racist you talk down to people to build yourself up. Too many people have had this mentality in positions of power and that has to stop. #BeKindAlways #Respect