I have made several attempts over the last couple of weeks to blog. I come home from work and have good intentions. The next minute spending the evening on Netflix, watching old CSI or Law and Order reruns. Or worse my ultimate guilty pleasure binge watching Forensic Files.
The next day comes around and I say today is the day. And still nothing. Some days I feel guilty that my career in healthcare has been deemed essential when so many other people have lost their jobs or had their hours drastically reduced.
I feel perpetually depressed. After a few hours of watching TV or playing slotomania, high five or poker on line I attempt sleep. My anxiety kicks in and my mind races all over the place and sleep eludes me for several hours.
This year feels like Groundhog Day. The same scenario’s play out and yet no progress is made. What is the definition of insanity “Doing the same thing over and expecting different results”. That is how I feel about the year 2020. It is boring and monotonous yet essential.
I feel like Peter Finch in the 70’s movie Network, where he goes to an open window and yells “I am mad as hell and not going to take it anymore”. The hardest part is trying to accomplish the simplest of tasks. Dishes pile up in the sink for days on end. It is usually 10-14 between laundry. Even bathing/showering is hard.
I was feeling very low yesterday until we got a picture of our grandson which brought a tear to my eye. Over the last couple of years and outside of my wife he has been the biggest influence in my life.
This year has sucked. It has taken a huge toll on my life. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. A couple of times although briefly I wanted to check out.
I know that times will get better. I know that I will have my grandson in my life at all times. When I feel lowest, I think of you. His bright light shines in me at all times I can’t wait to see him and give him a big hug. Love you little man
