Loose Lips Sink Ships Part 2

The other day I blogged about the power of words, or more importantly how damaging words can be if not used properly.

Well once again the written word has caused great damage resulting in job losses for a lot of innocent people. Rosanne Barr used social media to unleash her views about various people. The consequence for her ill timed words was swift and appropriate. Her show was cancelled.

Of course, she tried  to backtrack and apologize blaming her bad tweet on Ambien. Thankfully the drug company responded by stating that a side effect of their product is not racism.

Here is a women who is crass, boorish and has a history of being inappropriate. I remember her singing a poor rendition of the Star Spangled Banner at a baseball game, when the crowd booed her she grabbed her crotch and spat on the ground.

In my home town, she appeared at the local casino, one of my colleagues went to see her and thought the show was great. I wonder what that lady is thinking now.

The Canadian rapper Drake had a liaison with a women other than his partner. This women has now given birth. In response to the birth of his child he proceeded to call the women a real bad profanity laced word. Another class act who showed his true character. Oh and he apologized by saying he was taken out of context.

Growing up we were all taught if you can't say anything nice about someone don't say anything at all.  The world would be a better place if we stopped, thought and became aware of our words and our actions. I know some people can't help themselves, some do it for effect. In the end is it really worth it. I hope people will stop supporting Rosanne Barr and Drake because of their actions and words. The damage they have done is life altering. We all have choices to make. The more positive choices we make the better the footprint we leave. Our words and actions influence other. The choice is ours as to the influence they have. Choose wisely.

Loose Lips Sink Ships

This famous phrase was part of the American propaganda during WW2. It was meant to stymie the public from spreading idle chatter and gossip about the war efforts.

Another famous saying is the children's nursery rhyme " Sticks and stones may break my bones, however, names/words will never hurt me".

Well I have to tell you that names/words definitely hurt and hurt. I have been on the receiving end on some very harsh words and unfortunately I have also been on the giving end of some very hurtful words.

Recently, it almost cost me a valued friend. In the course of conversation, she was asking me my opinion and I opened my mouth and out came words that were very damaging, hurtful and wished I could take them back as soon as they left my mouth. I felt ashamed and disgusted in myself. I was depressed, I reached out and she wasn't ready yet. I started to accept that because of ill timed words I lost a valued friend who I love and care for deeply.

It took about a month before we talked again and that was only after my sweetie intervened and brokered the peace. It took me several weeks to even tell my sweetie. In those weeks I kept on seeing signs on social media about how damaging words can be. It was a slap in the face which I needed. There are examples on a daily basis where people say things they shouldn't. Some people don't care how many people they hurt or offend by what they say (Donald Trump, Doug Ford, Rudy Guilliani, Evander Kane).

However, most people are deeply remorseful when they say words that hurt people and hopefully have learned the lesson that "Loose lips do indeed sink ships" and words and names DO hurt. It is a hard lesson to learn and a valuable lesson to learn.

I am so grateful to have my friend back and now that this crisis is over. I am starting to reflect on why I had those words inside me. It is not an easy reflection. It is making me realize that I have things inside me that could hurt people. It tells me that I have work to do. Another reminder of how difficult depression is. One thing I have learned for sure is that nastiness never has a role in conversations between friends.

The Royal Wedding

I awoke at 4:30 am in order to watch the Royal Wedding. My first Royal Wedding, up until a few years ago I couldn't have cared less about the Royal family.

How times have changed, thanks to Princes William and Harry. They are amazing young men. Social aware and able to grasp the magnitude of being in the public eye 24/7. They are still able to have private moments and moments of pure spontaneity. Like yesterday when they emerged from the gates of Windsor Castle to greet the masses waiting outside.

Royal weddings are about tradition, pomp and circumstance. This one was, with a lot of breaks from tradition. From her walking down the aisle halfway and Prince Charles escorting her the rest of the way. The veil, having Harry lift it up. The open air carriage ride through Windsor, the first kiss on the steps. The only political figure in attendance former British Prime Minister John Major.

The Princes have modernized the Royal family and good on them. What sold me on the royal family was Harry's admission of mental health issues in the years following Diana's death. The brothers along with Kate created Heads Together to promote and provide practical tools and support in dealing with mental health issues. They gave expanded their awareness with Kate creating Mentally Healthy Schools to support children's well being. Harry creating Military Mental Health to improve and bring attention to mental health issues in the armed forces.

The stigma of mental health is real and it stops people from opening up for fear of prejudice and judgement and getting help. Every time, we talk about our experiences with mental health we break down the stigma. We see more and more people opening up about their mental health story. I am pleased I opened up about my depression. I am a better person for it and if it helps one person then job well done. Your story is important so share away.

Ask Shelley

I ended my last blog with the line ask Shelley. What I mean by that, is it is important to have a confidant in your life who you can ask anything of.  In my case, Shelley just so happens to be my life partner and my chief confidant.

I deal with my depression every day and during the course of any given day I can have highs and lows. Certain thoughts, feelings can act as triggers. Or it might be a phone call, conversation, email that can create depressive moments.

Take today for example, I was all knotted up internally from the events of the weekend. I called Shelley and she happened to say the right words to turn my frown upside down.

Everyone needs to have that someone to ask when they need that level of support. That person is non judgemental and simply asks what can I do or how can I support you even when it is 3 in the morning.

Before Shelley I had Mike my best friend for over 25 years. Unfortunately, cancer took him far too early. It will 10 years in July this year. I think of him every day and I know he is watching over and guiding me just like my father is.

The two years in between Mike and Shelley were hard, I didn't know who to turn to so I floundered and allowed my depression to intensify. I made bad decisions, my weight went out of control along with my diabetes. I chased after things and people who were unattainable. I learned some hard lessons. Lessons like don't force things, allow things to come to you and don't try so hard to make things happen.

Now I am wonderfully supported by great people who accept me for who I am and most importantly are there for me as I am there for them. You know who you are SI, AF, LC, DSC. NBK, PK, TD, CM and OL. If you don't have the supportive non judgemental people around you, just look around and find people who would make good candidates for this and just ask.

Life Lessons

The month of April was an eventful one. It started on a real positive note with an entertaining trip to Vegas. We love Vegas so much to see and do. It never disappoints us.

Since our return the month went south. First there was the emotional toll the bus crash involving Humboldt Broncos took on us and all of Canada. Then the tragic event in Toronto. It s sad when people lose their life from senseless acts. 

It was also an eventful month for me at work. I made two major blunders. I felt devastated and owned the error.  I wanted to stew and fester over my error. 

I have spent many a day and night beating myself up. My partner asked what was the life lesson learned. At the moment the last thing I cared about was the life lesson. You see, I love beating myself up, wallowing in self pity. It is comfortable for me. I just wanted to do this until I was ready to quit feeling sorry for myself.  In the old days I would let the blunder linger for days and weeks feeling low and withdrawn

When I started doing this my partner said "what is the life lesson" "what did you learn". She kept at me until I found a life lesson. It was great therapy. It is what I needed. 

 It is uncomfortable to accept responsibility for ones actions. It is also liberating and accepting leads to understanding and understanding leads to life lessons. The life lessons I learned were to slow down, be more attentive to details and not let my colleagues get to me. And most importantly, ask Shelley.