The Journey Continues. The Struggle Is Real

It has been 1 week since I went to my NP to ask for time off work. I asked for two weeks off, she wanted me to have 3. She could see how much mental anguish I was in. I felt so bad for taking the time off work that I went in on the Monday to try to do what I could to make it easier for whoever was covering for me.

My colleagues could see that I was hurting and were very supportive. I supervise 6 HCAs and there is this aura of a supervisor to have it all put together. Who’s kidding who. I don’t have it all put together. I can fake it with the best of them. One of my newer HCA’s said you better come back or I will transfer out of the department. 

I have slept in every morning. Today was the first day I woke up without my head feeling foggy or heavy. It is hard to remember which day it is. I am working on getting better. I am struggling, stirring up emotions both positive and negative. At one minte I feel antsy to do something and the next minute I feel calm and still. Kind of like our apartment, one minute hot the next cold. 

I am struggling with this entry because I struggle with everything right now. My sweetie has been an immense support. My support network has reached out to me. I have gone to EAP. I have gone to a group at Mood Disorders. The people I was hoping would reach out to me haven’t and that hurts and that is what I am struggling with. 

The journey continues. More to come.