Take The High Road

Last week, a friend of mine shared a story about how a work colleague passed off work done by my friend as her own. She was appalled and in shock that people can be so evil and nasty. My advise to her was to take the high road. She does good work and her work speaks for itself and is noticed.

I told her that I have been a victim of this behaviour as well. I felt betrayed and used. It is sad that this pervasive behaviour is still commonplace in our society

It hurts, it sucks. It took a long time to get over.

I remember telling a lady who I thought I could trust about what happened and she said it happens all the time and the victims don't even know it has happened. The way she said it, implied that she had stolen someone's idea and passed it off as her own.

Several years after this situation, I was running for an elected position with a volunteer organization. The people supporting the other candidate spread lies about me. This hurt me deeply. I turned inward and became depressed. I ended up losing the election.

A blessing in disguise. I am better off without that position. I realized that I was only hurting myself. I learned that I needed to maintain my integrity and my dignity. I learned to turn the other cheek and take the high road.I came to realize that karma works and there is always a price to pay for our actions good bad or indifferent.

Everyday.... Oh No Another One

It saddens and depresses me every time I hear about another noted person accused of sexual harassment. Today's noted people are Charlie Rose and Ryan Seacrest. Who will it be tomorrow? Who cares?

As a male who strives to always do my best and treat everyone the way I want to be treated I am appalled and disgusted. The more important question that needs to be asked is why.  Why do males abuse their positions? Why do they feel the need to act so entitled over others? 

I feel for every women who has been a victim. I can't begin to imagine the pain each women has endured. Having to relive their experience every day. While the predators run and hide behind legalese and call each women a liar. 

Only one noted person has been sincere in his apology when confronted with the details. Al Franken's apology doesn't excuse his behaviour. He does get the pain and suffering he caused and is remorseful.

What makes me sad, is I understand why women find it hard to trust men. They are skeptical and jaded of a man's intentions. Acceptance, respect and trust become very hard things to earn in a man.

I want women to know that there are still good men out there. Kind compassionate, understanding men who are appalled and disgusted by the behaviour of their male brethren. I hope that my female friends will consider me to be one of these man. 

It is the Little Things

As I dive deeper into my journey with depression, one area that repeatedly trips me up is the little things. The things most finite, trivial can at times cause the biggest level of frustration which can be a quick slope down to depression.

Let me explain, yesterday we were out and on the way home decided to stop for chocolate milkshakes. We got home and I sat down to have mine and could not get any of the shake to come out of the straw. I immediately started feeling frustrated, let some choice words fly. Shelley said what did that milkshake ever do to you. 

She was right of course, what had that drink ever done to me. Nothing of course, it was a microcosm. 

I over react to the simplest things. I become frustrated at the drop of a hat. I used to say this was a bad family trait. Frustration and depression go hand in hand for me. I have started to notice how often this happens and what the circumstances are. Unfortunately, it happens more often than I like.  

I did enjoy my milkshake. Hopefully next time I can enjoy the whole milkshake experience.

Fight the Fight Worth Fighting

 It has been one year since the Americans did the unthinkable and elect Donald Trump as President. I am still shaking my head believing this is true. What a year it has been, almost every day new scandal, allegations are presented to the American public and yet he walks away unscathed. I think his time in office is short. you cannot continue to dodge the smoke, because where there is smoke there is always fire. I see the fire starting to rage across America.

The turn started this past Tuesday in the elections. Democrats were elected Governors in New Jersey and Virginia. Some states saw their first black mayors and their first transgenders elected. All positive steps in America's recovery.

The rhetoric and vitriol that continue to come from him is so inconsistent and harmful. For example the young radicalized US citizen that when on a rampage in New York City. He immediately wants to close the borders again and cut immigration programs. He forgets that he is a product of immigration. His parents moved to the US from Germany and Ireland respectively.

On the other hand, white males go on murderous rampages in Texas and Las Vegas and immediately blames their behavior on mental health issues. Heaven forbid if he upsets the blessed NRA and the Alt Right.

This is a direct slap in the face to anyone dealing with mental health issues. One out of every three people deals with mental health issues including myself. We are not prone to violence because of our mental health issues or any other reason.

We do not wish our issues on anyone else. We are functioning people out to make a positive impact on the world. All we ask for is understanding, compassion, opportunity to deal with our issues in a free non judgemental non oppressive world.

We need to be collaborative to work together to end the stigma of mental health. It is an illness like cancer, diabetes etc. What we do not need is blowhards like yourself  Mr Trump making a mockery of mental health and the people dealing with it.

The struggle is real, everyday and worth fighting.

School Days

Yesterday I shared my mental health story to a class of grade 9 students. Each time I present I come away feeling inspired and encouraged for the youth of today. They are knowledgeable, engaged and interactive.

The questions they asked were extremely insightful and poignant. One student asked knowing what you know now about mental health what would you say to your younger self about mental health. I would say that I wished they had this format when I was going to school. It would help me understand what was happening and what I was experiencing.

In my high school days I was just trying to fit in which was difficult because I was shy and introverted. I was also angry, moody and temperamental. In other words I was a shit.

Where I did fit in was with basketball. I was not much of a player and ended up being the team manager. The coach took a special interest in me and on several occasions stepped into my comfort zone to offer support and guidance. I appreciated this and still see him as one of my role models.

Another student asked how did your family respond when you told them about my depression. Both of my brothers were supportive of me and one admitted that he has had his own mental health issues.
My mother who is aged and losing her filter said, well you didn't get it from me. In that I countered with you cant give someone depression however ones behavior can contribute to causing depression. She has since in her own way been supportive.

I always encourage the students to have the courage to come forward and tell someone what they are feeling and seek out the resources and support they need.

A work colleague who I hadn't seen in a while saw me the other day and said have you lost weight and what have you been doing to lose weight. I said diet, exercise and positive life.

I posted about speaking yesterday on social media and one of my friends responded by saying he was proud of my work for mental health.

I am loud and proud for promoting mental health. My partner wishes I could be louder and prouder for her the same way I am for mental health.

We Will Not Back Down

Today was a tough day, waking up to the news of another senseless tragedy/massacre of innocent lives. They were going about living and enjoying their lives to the fullest. 

This comes on the heels of another attack on innocents. Thankfully, no loss of life. The emotional scars will last long after the injuries have healed. 

The cities of Las Vegas and Edmonton are grieving and hurting today. There are more questions than answers today and for many days to come. I have emotional attachments to both cities. I love the vibrancy and identities of both cities. I have visited both cities on many occasions. 

I am hurting today. 

The question I am asking myself and the question the perpetrators want you to ask is " Are you going to live in fear"? They want us to live in fear.

Are we going to live in fear? I am not prepared to live in fear. When we live in fear we let these people win. 

I am angry at what happened today and this weekend. We have two options, we can cocoon ourself and hibernate or we can not back down and stand up and fight. Fight for our life and the way we can do this is by living our lives without fear, without backing down and letting these bastards win. 

I choose the words of Tom Petty, I will not back down. RIP Tom you were a true pioneer and will be missed. 

Making Mountains Out of Molehills

A little while ago at work, I made a simple error. I tried to fix it right away, what I thought would be a simple fix. I ended up creating a mountain out of a mole hill.

My thought was I can fix this right away and not impact service. My better judgement needed to kick in.

What was I thinking, I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgement. This happened on a Friday afternoon and it effected me the rest of the day. I ended up making more mistakes which were not evident until Monday.

One of my colleagues asked me a question and I snapped at her. On the Monday I apologized to her. She told me we all have bad days and make errors. I appreciated that.

That Friday afternoon impacted my whole weekend, I was miserable, irritable and not my regular self.  I snapped at my partner and my family.

Mistakes can get the better of me and lead me down a rabbit hole of depression. Yet at other times, I am able to shake them off and move forward positively. Thankfully, the rabbit hole was short lived this time.

Why does this happen? It happens because, I think and feel that I can solve the mistake. Past history has shown that I always create a bigger problem by doing this. I allow my body to fester and stew over the mistake thus creating the mountain. This is he beauty and curse of my depression. It is under control, however, it sneaks up on me to disrupt me and keep me on my toes at all times.