Be Kind

I work in downtown Winnipeg, parking is always an issue. I am resourceful I have not paid for parking in my 23 year career with the health authority. I street park and move my car every 2 hours to avoid a ticket. Sometimes I am not quick enough and up with a ticket. A 50$ donation to the city. Over the years probably amassed 30 tickets, still way ahead of the game.

For the last couple of weeks I have gone to move my car and passed a man carrying a sign. I say a few words to him as he does likewise. I don’t know him from Adam. The other day he sees me walking and says “ How is it going sunshine “. We stopped and chatted for a few minutes. He uses his  sign to beg for money. Some days are better than others. I said I don’t have any money to give you. He said that’s okay your smile is all I want.

What a great man. I wish him well. An act of kindness goes a long way. Life is really simple be kind.

This week a friend from my past called me out of the blue. He is struggling. I am going to support him anyway I can. Again be kind.

Also this week, a lady from the USA contacted me through social media. A beautiful soul looking for a friend. When I told her I had a wife, she continued to communicate with me. I have added another friend to my circle. Again life is simple be kind.

Last week, Shelley did a stand up comedy routine at an open mic coffee shop. Two of our best friends came and they brought a couple of their friends along. We ended up closing down the coffee bar. A great night and Shelley rocked it.

Life is simple be kind. By being kind it is good for our relationships, our mental health and our life in general. The old adage is true you get what you give.

Mental Health Week

We are halfway through mental health week and this years focus is to Get Loud. Do not stay silent has been one of my motto’s with my journey with depression.

I have been open and honest with my depression with myself and everyone I meet. Sometimes people are not ready for my openness and that’s okay. Someone else will be.  I was late to the table, only diagnosed  10 years ago. However, for about 35 years lived in the darkness undiagnosed being angry, impatient, withdrawn feeling inadequate in many ways. I was carefree with finances and chased after relationship situations I had no hope of creating. I am working to become debt free and am not suffocated by my debt anymore. I am working on having better relationships and deeper friendships.  

My support network has evolved and is very strong and diverse. At 55, I have my own family. They are special, important full of love, hopes, dreams, desires. I am evolving as a grandparent, stepfather and partner each day. 

The challenges are daily and real and right now, would not have it any other way.  The stats are staggering 1 out of every 5 people deals with mental health situations. That is the statistic of the people who have reported, the number is higher with all the people undiagnosed. I am blessed that I had caring people who led me out of the darkness and into the light. I have embraced my depression. It has opened doors for me in ways that allows me to give back and be of support. Every time I speak to schools or companies like today, I touch a life and a life touches mine. 

Be kind, open and loud about mental health every day not just one week a year. Each time we are the stigma decreases.  

Spring Cleaning

March 6th was the start of Lent. Forty days before Easter. The phrase what are you giving up for Lent is synonymous in society today. I heard of one person say “ I am not giving up anything, I am going to give 40 items I no longer wear or use to the less fortunate.

I said to my partner, I can do this. Well it is one week post Easter and I am no closer to starting my spring cleaning. I had good intentions, follow through is my stumbling block. Talk to my partner she will tell you I enjoy spring cleaning.  So what is stopping me?

It’s simple, I am depressed. I put on a brave facade to go to work, to go out with friends, talk to my family. I come home from work and don’t want to do anything other than watch TV or go to bed early. Weekends come and go with good intentions and I end up being a bump on the log.

I do not want to feel this way. I keep doing self talk. I am alert, alive, aware and amazing. It works for a little while, I have a burst of energy, unfortunately it is short lived.

I look outside, we overlook a creek with a walking path, and see people walking running cycling. I think to myself I can do this. I say to my partner let’s go for a walk. We plan and yet we can’t get past the apartment door.

I have no problem going out to get comfort food, doing something healthy well that’s another thing. As I write this I have a headache which I have taken Advil for and had a nap. Work will be here in 12 hours and I am hoping my afternoon nap will not prevent me from sleeping tonight. It has in the past.

Depression is a real bitch/bastard. Everyday brings a new adventure with a lot of self talk to help me get through the day.

Thank You For Volunteering

This week is National Volunteering Week. I do a lot of volunteering with sports organizations, festivals and Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA). I also have done every major sporting event in Winnipeg over the last 5 years from FIFA Women’s World Cup, Grey Cup, Canada Summer Games. Last year my sweetie and I volunteered at the World Men’s Curling Championships in Las Vegas and next year we will do the National Women’s Curling in Moose Jaw.

I enjoy volunteering, the rewards received in giving back are priceless and life changing. One of the activities I do with CMHA is share my mental health story with middle and high school students through the Speak Up program. The students are so in tune with what you are saying and are in touch with their own lives that they relate. Sometimes my story touches nerves in ways I am not expecting. The challenges students and adults face each day dealing with mental issues is real.  Everyone is affected in some manner shape or form. The small difference I make is twofold I get back as much if not more than I give.

Be kind. Be open to share and volunteer wherever possible. The connections you make can last a lifetime. A friend of mine lives in Minneapolis and he volunteers as much if not more than I do. He just finished a stint at the Final Four and last year did the Super Bowl. We met over 20 years ago at guess what a volunteer organization Toastmasters. Way to go Keith. You are an inspiration

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A Night to Remember.

The other night I was invited to a Final Four party with some of my former basketball buddies. We all have added a few pounds, our hair has thinned or become grey. One of the guys I hadn’t seen in 30 years.

What hasn’t changed is our love for basketball. In some ways we have all stayed involved in the game through coaching, referee, volunteering and even still playing or watching their children play.  

It didn’t take long for the memories to come flooding back. It is amazing the more we age the better the stories get. 

We are all successful in many ways. Several of the guys went into education, one is an architect, another works with troubled youth, another is a sales rep. I work in health care  in a building where the hosts wife works and one of the guys brother works who I have known for many years until Saturday never made the connection. 

Some of us are dealing with mental health issues and one guy has MS.  We have for most kept in touch and are friends. The years pass, the moments do not.  

It is great that we are all open about our lives and are able to support each other if needed. Life goes on the connections remain strong.

My theme for this year is to focus on abundance and this evening was another example of how abundant my life is. 

One Year On

It has been a year since the unimaginable tragedy of the Humboldt bus crash that took 16 lives and injured another 13 and affected millions around the world. The hurt and emotions cut to the inner core, fabric of the Canadian soul.  Practically everyone in Canada has been on a bus trip of some sort with a team, a band, a choir etc.

Everyone could relate. The other reason everyone could relate is the role hockey plays in Canadian society. Every boy growing up dreams of being a professional hockey player only a few are talented enough to make it. Bus rides across the Canadian landscape are where young men and women bond as teammates. A definite pecking order is maintained. The coaches and non playing staff occupy the front seats, the rookies the middle seats and the veterans at the back of the bus. Rookie initiation would take place on the longer bus trips. Thankfully, I was never involved with a team which had any form of hazing.  Just harmless fun initiation.

Within hours of the tragedy a Go Fund Me page was started by Humboldt mother Sylvie Kellington by April 18 15 million had been raised. The money was dispersed evenly among the 29 families directly impacted.

The team chaplain Sean Brandlow telling the world at the memorial none of us want to be here and then gave an impassioned emotional tribute.  The tragedy was far reaching with the Pope, Queen, leaders of nations all offering condolences. Professional sports teams all had moments of silence and other tributes.

I read three great articles written by Greg Bishop from Sports Illustrated which captured the essence of the tragedy. From April 13, 2018 his article “The Valley Of Darkness” was heart wrenching. Later he described the Logan Effect in two separate articles March 7 and April 5, 2019.

The Logan Effect spurned a rash of organ donations throughout Canada. Logan Boulet was kept on life support so his organs could be harvested and donated to save 6 lives. A great legacy.

In my home, my partner and I were unprepared for the outpouring of grief that defined the two days after the tragedy.  We were so full of sorrow that we thought we might be sucked down a very deep hole of depression.   The strength of the families and players were motivation to not let that happen.  It has been a reminder to cherish the abundance in your life because it can all change in an instant.

#HumboldtStrongForever

Today I Ceebrate Today.

Today I shared my story to a grade seven class. As always the students were engaged, interested and asked great insightful questions.  I come away inspired, empowered and in awe of the students and are future is bright.

I talk about my story of depression, how did it start, how I felt, the emmeshment with my mother and the emotional stagnancy that prevented me from growing up. Also being routinely being treated as the idiot little brother by my brothers. Of course they deny this. I have the battle scars to prove it.

My journey of  discovery has been a rewarding one due to my openness to accept my depression. I have sought professional help, see an EAP counsellor, volunteer with with many organizationns and every major special event in the city.

I owe a huge bouquet of gratitude to my love Shelley. She opened my eyes 9 years ago and started me on my journey. I also owe a huge hug to Ollie my grandson who will be 3 next month. This little guy taught me the meaning of unconditional love. The first night he stayed with us, he climbed up onto my chest and fell asleep melting my heart at the same time.  I thought I had died and gone to heaven. He continues to amaze me every day.

 I also thank all the students who I have spoken to over the years. You are amazing, talented and the future is bright. You will be involved in careers that aren't even invented yet.

I seek encouragement from my wide and varied support network. Some of you are dealing with similar issues. Some of you are just supportive.

I admired Robin Williams, the wonderful, talented, comedic genius and deeply flawed. Your courage, wisdom is a testiment to all who deal with mental health issues. I admire Kirsten Bell, Sarah Hyland, Amanda Seifried for sharing your story. I admire Rachel Platten your fight song has become my mantra. I admire Lady Gaga your openness and integrity we can all learn from.

All who deal with mental health, keep on being open, kind and continuing to share your story. The stigma will continue to dwindle by doing this.

Love to you all. I am here to support all.