The Trinity of Wholesomeness

These three outstanding human beings are no longer with us, however, their impact and legacy lives on. Their one simple trait was kindness. They saw kindness everywhere and in everyone.

Steve Irwin was a fellow Aussie who was always kind to animals who had a conservation park. He was all about education, preservation and protection of all wildlife. His family carries on his legacy.

Fred Rogers and his neighborhood was king to others. From his TV show and famous red sweater he promoted the good in everyone. Simplicity dictated his live. He didn’t drink or smoke was a Christian. Went to bed at 9:30 slept 8-10 hours a night. He believed in the number 143 which stood for I Love You.

Bob Ross was a painter an Air Force Veteran. He had a TV show called the Joy of Painting. He painted landscapes, trees, nature. He taught us how to paint and how to love nature. Years after his death his popularity soared as people found the simple aspects of his life and creative talent as a way to be kind to others.

I will not be as talented as these 3 outstanding mentors, however, they have shown me that it is easy and simple to be kind. What does being kind mean? To me it is the way I treat people. Saying hi to strangers, caring, supporting the people I love. Giving of my time through volunteering. Offering unconditional love. Offering support to those who need. Being respectful. Being a good team player at work and being a great partner at home (Happy Wife equals Happy Life).

I am not perfect, however, I try to be the best version of myself. I slip up and when I do it is a reminder that I am in need of a recharge, reenergize, get back to the basics. I used to beat myself up when I slipped up. That never turned out well. Now my sweetie holds me accountable and is the first to notice when I slip up. She is my voice of reason and doesn’t let me beat myself up.

Some of the signs for me are irritability, anger, withdrawal and freezing at the slightest situation that normally would be instinctive to do. I am grateful that I have a wonderful support network in my life to hold me accountable and in check.

It’s Okay to Not be Okay

Started the new decade/new year with Pneumonia for the second time in 4 months. Antibiotics quickly kicked in, as did my depression and anxiety. My anxiety which hadn’t reared its head in awhile came with a vengeance. It messed with my sleep, messed with my daily routine.

It messed with every aspect and still is.  My worries and fears overcame me and clouded my thinking and feeling with doom and gloom scenarios.  All negative what if’s pervaded. Words like can’t, never, and lots of f-sharps. took over. I was frustrated, irritable, mean and judgemental.

Case in point the other day I was bringing in shopping into our building. I was struggling to get the swipe card out and dropped some of the groceries on the ground. Inside the door was a gentleman sitting on the bench. Once I got in and picked up the groceries I almost said “thanks for your help”. Choose not to however, my face showed that I was judging him.

It took Shelley who is always the voice of reason to set me straight. She said you can’t judge him, “ do you know his story”. She was right of course. Judging people is never the answer. I have been on the other side of judgement and it is no fun.

I was in such a bad way that I booked an EAP appt and went on Thursday.  They ask the questions and rightfully so, have you thought of harming yourself or others. I admit that the thought about ending it by harming myself was more than a brief thought. Thankfully the thought was fleeting.

I do have lots to live for. I ran into a friend who I hadn’t seen in awhile, although we are on social media together. She was buying a birthday card for her son turning 25. I knew him as a little boy and watched him grow up. My friend said how much she enjoys reading my posts and blogs.

The correlation between physical and mental health is so intertwined. Today I ran the gamut of emotions. For a period of a couple hours I felt ill, stomach churning, headache. Felt like leaving for the day. Than I realized I had this wave of doom and gloom and fear. It was a sickening feeling. Just as quickly it came on it went. All it took was a breathe of fresh air to move my car and a phone call with Shelley.

Today I was also remembering 5 years ago, I fell on the ice and broke my ankle. This experience became a watershed moment for me. Motivational speaker Mitchell said “ it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you deal with it”.  There have been a lot of things happen to me, sometimes I beat myself up (I am really good at doing this) other times I learn from what happens to me and turn it into a positive.

I am working on doing more of the latter. I am learning to become less frustrated, less judgemental, and not let things get to me. They still do. One thing I am learning to do is to be kind to myself and others.

2010’s...A Decade of Discovery

Now that we have turned the corner on a new year and a new decade, I wanted to share with you my top ten and more personal positive moments of the decade. It was quiet a ride. On my social media I will have pictures to correspond to the events.

It was July 2010 and I was interested in a young lady we were texting and talking on the phone when she abruptly stopped. I listened to my inner voice and what my dad told me “in order to get ahead in life be prepared to take risks”. A female name popped into my head. Since I had a huge fear of rejection, I did what any male would do, I asked her out on a date via email. A day later she accepted my request and 2 days later we were on our first date. Well the date was okay, yet we left it open for the future. A week later we got together again and this time everything went very well. We shared our first kiss which sent me tingling throughout my body. We drank champagne and had a wonderful evening. Well we are still going strong as we enter our second decade together.

On a beautiful fall afternoon we went for a walk at the Forks when she stopped me and said I think you have low grade depression. Later that night doing research on the signs and symptoms of depression they were staring me in the face. I knew there was something wrong just couldn’t put my finger on it. Well months later I was formally diagnosed and asked about medication. I politely declined believing that once you were on meds you never came off meds. I decided to face this head on and embrace it. I would tell everyone, most people were supportive, others not so much, as evidenced by a family member who said you can’t blame that on me. My support network changed. I saw a Psychologist for 6 months and learned about DVT. Yes I eventually went on medication. I chronicle my mental health journey in a blog.

In 2012 my high school had their 100th anniversary. What an amazing weekend, reconnecting with schoolmates and discovering that other people from work, social activities went to the same school. I still connect with these people through social media.

The following year I started work on creating the Manitoba Soccer Hall of Fame. I was shocked to find that we were the only team sport in Manitoba without a Hall of Fame. It wasn’t until 5 years later  a committee was formed and the Hall formally created in 2029. A great legacy. My father would be proud smiling down.

In winter of 2014 two ladies from CMHA were offering a course through work called Living Life to the Fullest. I signed up and embraced this course so much that after the course was done. I signed up to volunteer with CMHA which led me to working mall displays, special events and as a speaker with the Speak Up program going to schools, universities and companies to share my mental health story. Always an amazing experience and each time come away inspired and empowered.

January 13, 2015 while walking back from a meeting at the hospital to my car. I fell on the ice and broke my ankle. Two ladies saw this and offered assistance. I was too proud to accept their help. I got up walked to my car and drove to my office. The pain was excruciating. After having a couple of nurses take a look I was driven to urgent care. Ten minutes later an X-ray was done. Three days later I had surgery. My plan was to be back at work the following week crutches cast and all. Sadly how wrong this would prove. Well I embraced my situation and chronicled my recovery on Facebook. I was off work for seven weeks and only had two bad days the whole time. Thank you Shelley for your TLC and putting up with through this ordeal.

In 2016 I met my grandson Oliver “Ollie” and fell in love with him the moment I saw him. Even one day when I was changing his diaper and he peed on me. Shelley, Kelsey and Ollie had a great laugh over that one. One night he came and crawled up on my chest and fell asleep. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. He has taught me about unconditional love and many other things. One of the greatest moments is to be on the receiving end of his hugs.

Shelley and I had talked about marriage for a few years. Well in 2017 I proposed to her and those that know me know that I was afraid she would say no. Well she said yes. We decided to have a social 6 months later. An amazing night. We had food every hour representing 5 different themes. 50/50 draws every hour. Over 150 people attended and the best part was my new family was all in attendance.

In 2018 Shelley and I went on a Caribbean cruise. It was her first time. When we reached the cruise port in Miami and she saw the boats, Shelley mouthed the words “OMG”. That set the tone for an amazing week. Also in 2018 we volunteered at the World Men’s Curling Championships. Shelley is the Uber curling fan and met all her curling idols. John Schuster fresh off his Olympic Gold medal performance was there. Before the opening ceremonies we went and watched the marshalling. Schuster was there we waved to him and came to us and had a great 10 minute conversation. He non chalently pulled out the gold medal and was eager to have to show it off. A very nice and humble man.

I have more meaningful and closer relationships. People I was associated with in a different era have said to me and Shelley that I have changed and for the better. No more angry frustrated insecure man.
I admit I am still a work in progress and will slip up and this is a good thing. It keeps me humble and accountable. I am still discovering and learning. I am excited about the new decade and I am excited I will be with Shelley my rock and her family. My theme for this year is twofold and they go hand in hand. Be kind to myself and others and atonement. My depression is in a good place, however, it is a daily reality. Some days are better than others. Some years will be better than others. We will see what 2020 brings. Whatever happens I will keep you all posted. Cheers and Happy New Year.

The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same

Growing up Saturday Night Live became required viewing. Wherever we were on a Saturday Night we had to end up at someone’s house to watch SNL which was followed by a Don Kirschners rock concerts.

The cast was exceptional with classic segments Blues Brothers, Samurai diner and other variations, the Loepners, Coneheads and many other class bits. Weekend Update with Chevy Chase and Gilda Radner as Rosanne Rosanna Danna. Point Counter Point with Dan Acroyd/Jane Curtis and the two a Wild and Crazy Guys.

The past couple of years of SNL have become required viewing. Their political satire have been outstanding and spot on cameo’s from Alec Baldwin, Robert De Niro, Matt Damon, John Goodman, Maya Rudolph and Weekend Update with Colin Jost/Michael Che. If you are feeling low it is a good cure for mental health. Laughter has always been the best medicine for what ails us. Every other President has enjoyed their satirized of themselves. The orange menace has taken it upon himself to call out SNL for doing what they do best. He has even had a go at our national broadcaster CBC for cutting out his cameo from the movie Home Alone 2. I think he has more important things to be concerned about rather than these trivial matters. Yet there he goes on another Twitter rampage. I think it is clear that he either has early onset dementia or some mental health challenges.

As someone who deals with depression and anxiety on a regular basis I can offer you some help.  First of all become aware of what is happening. Become educated about it. Share and seek help don’t internalize it. It is a sign of strength to seek out help and acknowledge what is happening. There are so many like minded people out there to offer support. One in three people deal with some form of mental health issues. Now-days there are so many resources to assist. I go into schools, companies and universities to share my story. The resources available today certainly outshine what I had in my school. We had one guidance counsellor for the whole school and he was the least bit interested in your problems. He only wanted to talk about career guidance.  There is no need to be silent and if you can offer a hand up. Be kind and be supportive.

This year we have seen a tremendous amount of outstanding people leave us this year. People I grew up watching, listening to, influencing and inspiring me during the 70’s and 80’s. it started early with Darryl Dragon who can forget the Captain and Tennille variety show. Bob Einstein (Super Dave Osborne) always good for comic relief with his asinine stunts. Mean Gene Okerlund the best Pro Wrestling announcer ever. Carol Channing actress, singer, dancer. Ron Joyce co-founder of Tim Horton’s (evil empire). He would be appalled at how far his company has sunk. Albert Finley excellent British actor best known for his work in Erin Brockovich.  Jan-Michael Vincent from that terrible show Airwolf. Michael Wilson (Mulroney’s finance minister). Joe Schlesinger great news reporter. Katherine Helmond matriarch of the satirical show Soap which launched the careers of Billy Crystal among others. Andre Previn composer, conductor and one of Mia Farrow’s husbands. Luke Perry from 90210 Fame never watched the show. Other than Ed Asner she was the last remaining cast member of the Mary Tyler Moore show Georgina Engel. Ken Kercheval (Cliff Barnes of Dallas). Rick Ocasek lead singer of the Cars and the man who gave us Two Tickets To Paradise Eddie Money.

Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca from Star Wars) watched the original and no other one. Peggy Lipton Mod Squad the one with big hair and knee length boots. Funny men Tim Conway and Arte Johnson from the Carol Burnet and Laugh In shows. Easy Rider Peter Fonda rode off into the sunset. Philip McKeon played Linda Lavin’s son on Alice. Valerie Harper on Rhoda, Cokie Roberts great ABC news reporter and one of the first women in the business. Diahann Carroll who was great in everything. Danny Aiello great actor I remembered him best for playing Madonna’s dad in one of my favourite song’s music video Papa Don’t Preach. Great character actors Ron Liebman and Rene Auberjonois. Rudy Boesch finished 3rd in original Survivor. Rutger Hauer the original Blade Runner. Father of ALF Max Wright. Rip Torn perfect foil to Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Pulitzer Prize winner Toni Morrison who brought stories of the African American perspective to light. We had  Presidents, Prime Ministers and Presidential hopefuls leave us in Jacques Chirac, Bob Hawke and Ross Perot.

These people all left us in 2019 and left their mark on the world. They will be remembered for entertaining, inspiring, motivating us.

2019 What A Year

As the year winds down, a time to reflect on the year. January seemed so long ago. The end of 2018 was not good for me. I was falling apart, could not concentrate and was messing up simple tasks.

The start of 2019 was no better. On the very first day I almost electrified myself. I was in need of help. On the weekend I went to the access centre and told my NP and she granted me time off. I had never done this before. Mentally I was not functioning well and the longer it went the worse it became. I took 2 weeks away from work for my mental health. I went to EAP, went to Mood Disorders group session visited with close friends. Read books, watched TV, went walking, did crosswords and blogged.

At the end of the 2 weeks my NP asked if I needed more time. I probably could have used more time however, I felt good and refreshed and went back to work. Back at work I settled into a routine and avoided mistakes. My colleagues noticed a change, a change for the better.

In March I turned 55 and became a senior and enjoyed and still are enjoying my senior discounts. Shelley and I spent a great month with our grandson. He is the best little bundle of joy in the world. Love you Ollie.

Over the summer I started dealing poker two nights a week. Each time out I feel more and more confident and quicker in my decision making abilities. I believe it also has made me a better poker player. Poker is a game of skill and strategy and you are not just playing your cards, but each player and their cards.

In the fall I developed pneumonia and this literally kicked me in the teeth both mentally and physically. All my resources felt depleted. No energy, no desire to do anything. Simple self care aspects were ignored like hygiene, reading, walking. I just wanted to sleep and watch mindless trash on tv. To show the state of mind I was in, one day stopped at McDonalds for a snack and left the car running in the parking lot. For about 30 minutes. I realized when I looked for the car keys. When I got back into the store after shutting the car off. I laughed and laughed. This is in stark contrast to what I would have done years earlier. I would have beat myself up, festered and stewed about how stupid I was and on and on.  I have come so far and yet still a work in progress.

Some positives to finish off the year started around my favourite holiday (American Thanksgiving). Successfully donated blood, got word that pneumonia had cleared. I shared my story at several schools which always brings me great solace and inspiration. I started a class on dealing with difficult emotions. Learning about mindfulness, wise mind, positive emotions and the outcomes. Another 4 great weeks to go and learn new tools.

Shelley and I are looking forward to a great positive year and decade as we venture forth. I have an idea for my 2020 theme. This years theme was focus on abundance and we did.

Lead With Kindness

I have mentioned on several times that every one has a story to tell. That living with reality is a daily occurrence. Some days are better than others and that we are to be kind and offer support at all times.

As Maya Angelou said “ Try and be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud “.

There are some people where I am their rainbow and others where they are my rainbow.

Last week I shared my story at the same school as a couple of weeks ago. Once again it was a wonderful experience. The students ask awesome questions and have inspiring comments. Some of the students are dealing with their own issues or family members. In my story I mention my father dying and one of the students said his mother died a few years ago.

Grade eight students having to grow up real fast and deal with some pretty heavy stuff. I am glad that they have great resources and programs to assist and help make it easier to deal with. The school psychologist is an amazing multi talented lady who has tremendous compassion and empathy for all the students. The schools are doing an amazing job preparing students for the future. School is not about the 3 R’s anymore.

I love sports all types except for baseball because it is two people playing catch.  I have a number of favourite teams. I have great respect for the athletes. Most of them are doing great things and give back to the communities. There are countless examples of exemplary athletes going above and beyond.

Two examples come to mind retired NFL football players Warwick Dunn and Kurt Warner.
Warwick Dunn was raised by a single mom who was a police officer and died in the line of duty. He raised his siblings and created a charity called Home For the Holidays whereby he provides new houses to single mothers.

Kurt Warner was stocking shelf’s at a supermarket when he got the call by the St Louis Rams to play quarterback. He became a super bowl champion, a hall of famer in both the NFL and arena leagues. A broadcaster and him and his wife have a foundation that helps intellectually challenged people. The lasting story I have of Kurt is when he is out for dinner with his family they choose one table in the restaurant and pay for their meal. The kids decide.

A couple of examples of people being rainbows in someone’s life.  Who are you going to be a rainbow for and who is going to be your rainbow.

Refresh, Restore, Regenerate

I was celebrating the week of my favourite holiday American Thanksgiving on vacation by watching football. During this week off I had lots of great moments and discovery.

One of the great moments was discovering the restorative properties of afternoon naps. Four out of the seven days I took advantage of this. Each time I awoke I felt refreshed, reenergized.

The first day was attending a class on managing difficult emotions. Learning to practice mindfulness,   wise mind and understanding the role emotions play in our life and how to deal with them. My sweetie took this class and marvelled about it and she practises the principles every day.

The next day was medical stuff, blood work, chest X-ray ( pneumonia all cleared up) dental appointment ( will have to have on my third filing in 55 years). I had my first one at age 44. I also donated blood for the 28th time.  I love saving lives.

The third day I shared my story at a middle school. Spoke to 2 grade 8 classes. The school is in the west end of the city, ethnically diverse and culturally aware. The students were amazing. Asked great questions and offered wonderful comments. I wish this program learning about mental health was available when I went to school.  When I went we had one guidance counsel or for the whole school. He was not the least bit interested in your personal issues, he was more concerned about career guidance. Now they have resource and guidance counsellors, social workers, and psychologists.  Education has changed for the better.

Growing up being a male, I was a shy introverted young man who wore glasses and had an acne problem. We didn’t dare tell anyone we weren’t feeling right. We were told to suck it up, quit being a wimp, be a man.

As a result we internalized everything and waited for it to bubble up and come out. It often came out in anger, rage, irritability and other negative ways. The macho he-man approach is bullshit.

Now, I have learned to show my emotions, be open, be supportive and be kind. it is a sign of strength.

The rest of the week off was spent chilling with my sweetie. Going back to work I felt great and recharged looking forward to my next days off and my next opportunity to share my story.

Peace.