The Rise And Fall Of The Rise And Fall

 Last night I watched the Republican National Convention. It was a train wreck and farcical, however, like any train wreck I felt compelled to watch. It made me want to throw up at every speaker. The worshiping of this misogynistic, narcissistic imbecile dumpster fire Orange menace currently occupying the Oval Office was revolting. 

After watching my anxiety skyrocketed and it took several hours to settle back down. I felt incredibly sad for the great people and country of the United States. I implore you to do the right thing on November 3rd and not give this POS another 4 years. 

In the late afternoon yesterday I was feeling buoyant and upbeat at the great stance taken by professional athlete’s to boycott their games, take a stand. Thank you Milwaukee Bucks for starting the boycott. The National Hockey League had a moment of reflection and played on. Cowards and always a reactive league and not progressive. 

Today the Dumpster Fire first unleashed his minion Jared (slum landlord) Kushner to say about the sports boycott that “they are lucky and rich enough to be able to take a night off from work”.  Than the Dumpster Fire got in on the act by saying “ I know their ratings have been very bad, I think people are a little tired of the NBA frankly. They have become like a political organization and that’s not a good thing  I don’t think that is a good thing for sports or the country”.

Racism can be so subtle, it is like a dog whistle. Did you hear the dog whistle in the 2 quotes? It was there loud and clear. Subtle yet effective. This is white narcissistic privilege. It makes me sick. They have convinced some of the public to drink the Kool-Aid unfortunately it work in 2016. Please don’t let it work again this year. 

The rhetoric is disgusting offering up lie after lie, mistruths at every turn. Gaslighting the public at every turn. Creating fear and dividing and conquering. No wonder our (my) mental health teeters on the brink. 

I am an eternal optimist, glass half full type of guy, however, my resources are becoming depleted and we still have 60+ days to go. I place my faith in karma. What goes around comes around and their is always a price to pay for our actions. 

Be kind always and listen for the dog whistle. When you hear it, call it out.

August has been a sad month so far.

 In my home province we have seen an uptake in COVID cases over the last month. The one positive to all this is that very few of the cases have been community transmission. Most of the cases are connected to existing cases or retaliated to travel.

I know many of us are getting pandemic fatigue, wanting to get back to normal whatever that looks like. The normal that we have come to know is gone forever. The new normal we better get used to which includes masks social distancing and repetitive hand washing. 

Masks are to be worn in public places and cover the nose and mouth. In shops, public transit, schools, get used to it. If you don’t like it suck it up buttercup. Heaven forbid do not shame or take your frustration out on innocent people just doing their job. 

Even when a vaccine is introduced, the virus will still be around and people will still get sick and die from it. Just like the flu. Mask wearing will be common place. 

If you do not want to wear a mask in public to go shopping, to travel, watch a movie, sporting event that is your choice. Or just don’t do those things. Your sense of privilege is noted however, don’t blame other people that your freedom is somehow being compromised. Don’t shame other people for following the rules and not flaunting them like you with privilege do.  It is a necessary restriction, like wearing a seatbelt while driving  

Every time you do one’s mental health is compromised. The mental health numbers have increased during this pandemic. I know mine has wavered substantially. I have had some lows my depression and anxiety have been at the utmost. I have reached out to my counsellor, my friends, my network and received the support I needed at the time. One of the greatest healing methods for me is to hear the voice of my grandson Oliver “Ollie”. His voice is so beautiful and blessed that it is hard not to have a smile on my face during and after the call.  

Be kind to all. Be supportive of all and we will get through this and learn to live with this virus. Be acceptive and respectful of the new normal and wear a damn mask. 

We all have a Story to Tell

 Six years ago and one day the world lost a gifted, talented, creative genius. He also was one of the most misunderstood people one would ever encounter. His public persona was a facade compared to his private persona. Robin Williams died by suicide August 11, 2014. 

He loved to entertain, he loved to put on a show and could do it at the drop of the hat. One of his best bits is the penultimate show of Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show. Watch it you will literally be rolling on the floor in tears from laughing so hard. Pure spontaneous adlib, improvisation. 

For years I marvelled in his comedic genius. Than as I became accepting of my depression and anxiety, I began to see past the humor to a man who was hurting, trying to escape his demons through humor. It is okay to not be okay. Robin’s greatest legacy other than his 3 children, is the joy and happiness he offered to others, particularly to those fighting their own personal battles. This was so evident in the roles he played in his most successful movies from Good Will Hunting playing a professor who sees genius in the schools caretaker to Good Morning Vietnam playing a DJ when he sees the reality of war and the effects it has on people. Dead Poets Society playing an idealistic teacher leaving a lasting impression on his students to Carpe Diem.

We all have a story to tell. We all are taking our path. It is ours no one can take it from us. They can choose walk along beside or let you go your own way, however, not impede on it in any way. Too many people impede or infringe because they think they know better or don’t believe you. I can vividly remember a family member saying to me “ You Can’t Blame Your Depression On Me “. Well in fact some aspects I did and still do. Be kind always. 

Hello August

July is always the toughest month of the year for me to get through. I have learned to deal with the fear of the month. It no longer paralyzes me, however, I am still affected by the events that happened to me in July. In particular Friday’s in July.

Let me explain. Over the last 30+ years family and friends have died in July and on Fridays.

 The first one was my cousin. She died by suicide. I had only met her a few times in our lives. However, a few years before her passing we spent considerable time together. As young adults we spent hours talking about the future and attempting to solve the world’s problems. Her death affected me greatly. The first time someone I knew died by suicide. For years when I saw a TV show or movie that showed her method I would leave the room, turn away or cover my eyes. When I hear someone died by suicide, I think of her. 

The second one was my uncle, her father. Almost 5 years to the day later and of course on a Friday. He was a wise and proud man who never got over the death of his youngest child. I believe that he died mentally and emotionally the day his daughter died and it took 5 years for his body to give in.

The third one was my father. A surreal day to say the least. He was my hero. My voice of reason. A leader, innovator, trailblazer, administrator, historian and survivor. I feel his presence everyday. You got it he died on a a Friday. 

Finally, my best friend of 25 years. Mike was a mini version of my father. We met in University when I was the student manager and he was the athletic trainer for the University Men’s Basketball team. A free spirit who lived life to the fullest culminating in 2003 when he climbed the second largest mountain in the world. I miss our weekly gathering of the bishops at the Cathedral for choir practice. Yes he died on a a Friday.

I was fearful of Friday’s in July asking myself the question who is next or would I be the next.  Living in fear was no fun. It consumed me, I didn’t want to go out, let alone work. I would work and then come home and not leave until Friday had passed. I credit my support network led by my soulmate and counselling to successfully overcome my fear. 

I now remember each person in a special way with a Scotch salute to my father and Hoisting a dark ale for Mike. My uncle and cousin I remember through my mental health awareness and my own journey with depression and anxiety. I recognize the importance of using the right terminology for mental health and work to educate people especially students by sharing my story to middle and high school aged students. 

It is okay to not be okay. The more we share and our open, the less the stigma will become. More people are being open about their struggles from the famous to you and I. We are all courageous for coming forward and recognize that sometimes our struggle has too strong a hold on us that the only way out is the ultimate way. There is nothing weak about this choice. People are choosing to end their pain through strength.  One of the famous people I admire was Robin Williams. A tremendously gifted and creative comedic genius who used his gift of comedy to mask his real feelings. Looking back at old movies and clips I can seen the pain and heartache. Lady Gaga an amazing entertainer who deals daily with anxiety and self worth images. Kristen Bell deals with post-Partum and works to create awareness around the disease. We can all do our part. The simplest and easiest thing to do is Be Kind and Be Supportive. We are all in the together. 

Where Did Common Sense Go.

Common sense where did you go? Asking for a friend.  Ever since the pandemic came to North America common sense left our vernacular our reality our society. From day one there were COVID deniers and conspiracy theories. 

It didn’t help that the so called most powerful man in the world, the dumpster fire orange menace currently occupying the Oval Office was the biggest denier. At every corner he has done everything to discredit the medical experts and science. He has no conscience and no soul. 

I used to watch the news daily, in fact I was such a news junkie I would devour the newspapers before breakfast and watch all the news channels. Now I sometimes let the papers go a day without reading them. When now I watch the news I get a headache and feel depressed and anxious. I wonder if there is a future and what it will look like. 

On the other hand I look and hear about how my grandson is embracing life at 4 1/2 and living like there is no care in the world and it his oyster. I have hope and he gives me hope to continue on. I look at my stepdaughter and think how strong, mature she is. How she is blazing her own path and preparing (her words) for the apocalypse. My stepson lives in Vancouver and knows more about that city than any other person. He is the city greatest ambassador. He has written a book waiting to be published. A free spirit embracing life to the fullest and creating his own niche. They give me hope to carry on.

We will be living the new normal for many years to come. Our mental health will continue to waver. We are all doing our best. We are all flawed human beings. When we know better we do better. Be discerning, be accepting, be responsible, be respectful and when someone tells you to wear a mask to enter their establishment Wear a Mask. Don’t throw a hissy fit about your constitutional rights are being violated. 

Self care and good mental health. We are all in this together. By working together we can get common sense back and prevalent. 

Good Trouble

I have been thinking about how interesting the world has become over the last 7 months. How much has changed and will continue to change. What will the new normal look like? In my own bubble How much has changed and how far still to go.

I do know that masks and social distancing are here to stay and that is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. I do know that we will be living with the coronavirus for quite awhile. I do know that it will be awhile before I travel to the United States. In fact it may be awhile before we travel anywhere outside of Manitoba. We are doing well, however, we have to remain vigilant and do everything to prevent an uptick in cases. 

As the Province opens up and we begin to interact with more people in more settings our comfort level will increase or decrease depending on the scenario. Case in point this weekend we were out at a gathering on Friday night about 10 people in total. A few I knew the others met for the first time. A lady shows up about 11pm and some of the people call her brown sugar. Later on I asked her if she was okay being called brown sugar. She said yes and then explained that is her nickname. Last night we went and met with some people Shelley knew from high school and hadn’t seen in over 30 + plus. They were able to pick up right where they left off all those years ago.

There are many things I have noticed and learned from this Pandemic. The most important thing is to put our faith and trust in the medical professionals and scientists. I work in the healthcare field and as more is learnt about the virus the more adaptable we become. We have gone from screening to self screening for entry into the office. Also if you are unwell don’t come to work. I am sure I would not be the only one who would drag themselves into work knowing full well that we were not 100%. Well that ship has sailed. 

People still think in the new normal that we can get away with saying whatever we want and doing whatever we want because it is our right, freedom and liberties. Many examples abound. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez is an amazing young lady and  a Democratic Congressman . She was called a f...king bitch by a misogynist narcissist impersonating a Republican Congressman. She schooled him in public and gained the respect of a nation. Capitol Hill is not and has not for a long time been the last bastion of white male privilege however Some still think it is. 

Shelley enjoys playing poker. Yet almost every time she plays there is always one or two players who feel that it is there place to tell her that the poker room is not for women. Again she calls them out all the time. 

Inappropriate behaviour needs to be called out and the perpetrators held accountable for their actions.  For the last several months pictures of bad, racist, inappropriate behaviour have been called out and shamed on social media.  They have been referred to by a male and female name. This reference has been used and is a direct insult to everyone with that name. It is unnecessary and totally inappropriate to use a name which could be our wife’s, mother’s, sister’s, daughter’s, granddaughters, nieces, nephews, grandson’s son’s, brother’s, father’s and husband. I admit I have used the names in reference to their actions. I recognize how inappropriate and insensitive it was and will no longer use the reference. I am sorry. When I know better I do better. 

Everyday lessons are learned and I am working on being a better human being. One of the simplest things to do is to be kind. Be kind to ourselves, be kind to others and be kind to our environment. John Lewis civil rights icon lived a life we can all learn from and emulate. Rest In Power.

The View Today

This picture is from my balcony as I watch the world go by and wait for the evening storm to come and pass. Idyllic, serene view with lots of geese, deer and tons of people walking along the trail except tonight.  

I have been thinking a lot about my mental health over the last couple of months. How can I not, so much has happened. The world is changing. Everyday seems to bring a new normal. My mental health has wavered and I have worked very hard to prevent myself from going down the rabbit hole.  

I am glad that I have had my partner, my rock, my sweetie beside me. I am glad that I have been able to talk to my stepdaughter and grandson who always brings a smile to my face. Every time we talk to them we spend the next several hours reliving the moments of their prior visits. 

I am glad that I work in healthcare and have not had work interruptions like so many thousands of other people. I love my career, I have great colleagues and staff that are committed to providing quality front line community service. I feel for the people who have lost their jobs or laid off through this crisis. 

As we work through the pandemic we are encountered with the jarring reality that are society is unjust, unfair, skewed and racist. White privilege is prevalent, especially white male privilege. In Canada, a number of incidents involving Indigenous men and women have ended in lives being lost at the hands of Police and RCMP. South of the border multiple African Americans lost their lives at the hands of Police and white males. In also doesn’t help when the Orange Menace is provoking his support base and flaunting all professional advice in an effort to get re-elected. It is sad that the best the Americans can come up with to determine the next President are two Septuagenarians. I wonder if Vegas is taking odds whether they will last their term.

No wonder one’s mental health is compromised. Before I was formerly diagnosed with depression and anxiety I used to say I am in a funk and unfortunately the funk could last for weeks or months. Now I am educated and recognize that depression is a flaw in chemistry not character. 

Depression is either a curse or blessing. Some days it can be both or just one or the other. Some days my depression is triggered be something someone said or did. Other days I can wake up and not feel the love, lacking energy or motivation.  It is really hard to explain and yet easy to explain.  When I am anxious, I freeze on the spot. My mind shuts for a few seconds and can’t process information. For a few seconds to a few minutes I become paralyzed. Do I like being this way? No. I am appreciative to have a partner and my support network who understand me and mental health sometimes better than I do.

I have learnt to be kind, appreciative, supportive and empathetic. I know what triggers me and what my core emotions are and able to react to these. I allow my emotions to flow. I still take things personally, I am accountable for my actions. I am perfectly imperfect. Be yourself.