The other day I watched one of my favorite movies of all time. I will tell you right now it is not your typical movie that resonates with the male population. However, for me it played a very important role at a dark time in my life.
After many failed relationships with women, I wanted to really learn what makes women tick? What do women want in a relationship? What makes women stay in a relationship? So in order to answer these questions where does a single male turn to, or where did this single male turn to?
I started reading Cosmopolitan magazine monthly and watching Sex and the City TV series weekly, When the movie came out in 2008 it was a no brainer that I went to see it. There I was one evening at a late showing sitting by myself with my drink and popcorn. There were a handful of other people in the theatre mostly women except for another male, who obviously was dragged there by his wife/ girlfriend, he looked like this was the last place on earth he wanted to be. He kept looking around hoping that no one he knew would be there.
I liked the movie, it was flaky and campy on the surface, however, beneath the surface it was full of subtle observations about life, love, relationships, sex, what women want and what men want, feelings, emotions, making mountains out of molehills.
I have now watched the movie about 10 times and last week was first time viewing it as an engaged man. I saw it in a different light. We are getting married next year in Vegas. I would be perfectly happy with the Elvis drive thru chapel or the Taco Bell 600$ wedding or whatever. The important part is spending the day, the moment, the rest of my life with my beautiful and inspiring Shelley whom I love more than anything.
When you have too much extravagance, you start losing touch with reality and that is what happened to Carrie and her wedding to Big. It became a monster that neither of them were able to handle.
The most important thing is saying I love you forever, with the one you love.
Friday, 9 June 2017
Monday, 22 May 2017
Redemption
This past weekend Pippa Middleton was married. The world was introduced to her at her sister Kate's wedding to Prince William in 2011.
Her wedding was a royal affair in every sense of the word. The Prince's were in attendance along with her niece and nephew and the King of Tennis Roger Federer.
In my younger days I disliked everything that had to do with the royals. They were the ultimate in disfinctional families. The biggest hypocrisy of all was that the heir to the throne of England (Prince Charles) had to marry a virgin. Her sole responsibility was to bear a son to continue the male legacy of the family.
Charles and Diana's marriage in 1981 was the ultimate in hypocrisy. Diana the naive 20 year old nursery school teacher was smitten with Charles. He was more interested in his girlfriend Camlla and his behaviour was accepted by the royal family.
As Diana matured and became a mother she became the people's princess. At every opportunity she tried to have a normal life and raise her kids with as normal a life as possible. This was extremely hard. She was the most photographed women in the world and her every move was a breaking news story. She succeeded in doing and living life to the fullest in deference to the royal family.
It is 20 years since her death and she is still one of the most influential people of our time.
Her sons have developed into wonderful, caring, responsible young men. Princes William and Harry are the reasons why I have become a Royal watcher and follower. They are authentic, real. Their mother's influence is evident.
It hasn't been easy for them, growing up in the spotlight. Everything they do is under the microscope and yet they turned out very well. I admire and respect them.
Harry recently acknowledged his dark moments in the years since his mother's death. Looking back we now understand his rebellious phase and acts. He was discovering and understanding his life.
It is not easy to acknowledge that their is something wrong. We all have flaws. Until I was diagnosed with depression and started looking back on my life, i was angry, irritable a real shit full of negativity.
Embracing my depression and being open about it has changed my life. I am indebted to my fiancée for leading me out of the darkness and into the light.
I still have bad days and low moments. Thankfully these are shorter and fewer. Be brave and open, do not suffer in silence. It is important to reach out and get help.
Her wedding was a royal affair in every sense of the word. The Prince's were in attendance along with her niece and nephew and the King of Tennis Roger Federer.
In my younger days I disliked everything that had to do with the royals. They were the ultimate in disfinctional families. The biggest hypocrisy of all was that the heir to the throne of England (Prince Charles) had to marry a virgin. Her sole responsibility was to bear a son to continue the male legacy of the family.
Charles and Diana's marriage in 1981 was the ultimate in hypocrisy. Diana the naive 20 year old nursery school teacher was smitten with Charles. He was more interested in his girlfriend Camlla and his behaviour was accepted by the royal family.
As Diana matured and became a mother she became the people's princess. At every opportunity she tried to have a normal life and raise her kids with as normal a life as possible. This was extremely hard. She was the most photographed women in the world and her every move was a breaking news story. She succeeded in doing and living life to the fullest in deference to the royal family.
It is 20 years since her death and she is still one of the most influential people of our time.
Her sons have developed into wonderful, caring, responsible young men. Princes William and Harry are the reasons why I have become a Royal watcher and follower. They are authentic, real. Their mother's influence is evident.
It hasn't been easy for them, growing up in the spotlight. Everything they do is under the microscope and yet they turned out very well. I admire and respect them.
Harry recently acknowledged his dark moments in the years since his mother's death. Looking back we now understand his rebellious phase and acts. He was discovering and understanding his life.
It is not easy to acknowledge that their is something wrong. We all have flaws. Until I was diagnosed with depression and started looking back on my life, i was angry, irritable a real shit full of negativity.
Embracing my depression and being open about it has changed my life. I am indebted to my fiancée for leading me out of the darkness and into the light.
I still have bad days and low moments. Thankfully these are shorter and fewer. Be brave and open, do not suffer in silence. It is important to reach out and get help.
Sunday, 23 April 2017
Volunteering, Why I Do It.
The week of April 23-29 is National Volunteer Week in Canada. This year it holds added significance because it is Canada's 150th birthday. There will be many ways to get involved to celebrate the country through volunteerism.
I already do my part. I am involved in sports organizations, festivals, associations and every major event that comes to Winnipeg. The last couple of years our city has played host to FIFA Women's World Cup and Grey Cup. This summer is the Canada Summer Games and I will be apart of it.
I have a basic rule for volunteering, the minute it stops being fun and becomes a chore or like work that is the time to move on from that volunteer involvement. In the past few years I have not had to do this. The organizations I am involved with hold special meaning for me.
I am back for my 15th year with the Winnipeg Folk Festival. For most years I was on the traffic Crew directing traffic and parking cars. Now I am in hotel hospitality. The cool aspect to this festival is that the entertainers both well known and newly known and everyone is cool and down to earth. Over the years I have met Steve Earle, Xavier Rudd, Bruce Cockburn to name a few..
I remember talking win Steve Earle and he had nothing but rave reviews for all the volunteers. Regular folk coming together over music. My best friend Mike, God rest his soul, every April would ask me if this was the year. I finally said yes and have regretted it at all.
For the last 11 years I have volunteered with Manitoba Soccer Association in many capacities. I served on the Board for 2 years. Serve as disciplinarian for the local Senior Men's League and served as 1rst VP for 7 years. This past winter I was honoured with the senior volunteer award for outstanding contributions to soccer. I wasn't much of a player, coach or referee, however, found my niche as a volunteer. It is a beautiful game.
For the last five years I have volunteered with various Sport Manitoba events especially the Hall of Fame dinner. I fell in love with this dinner in 2003 when my father was inducted into the hall. After attending many of the dinners, the logical step was t volunteer at it. The beauty of this event you have professional atheletes mixing with amateur atheletes and everyone's ego is checked at the door. My role at the dinner is to monitor the artifacts of all the inductees. This past year Mike Keane 3 time Stanley Cup winner was inducted complete with minature Stanley Cup on hand.
For the last 3 years I have been involved with Canadian Mental Health Association Winnipeg/Manitoba region. I volunteer at special events, booths, leading discussions and I am a MILE 5 speaker, where I go into schools and share my mentaL health story. When I first signed up this I was unsure of my role and said to the staff person, do I fit in here. You see all the other people learning to share their story except for one were much younger than me. Taylor reassured me that I do have a story to tell.
I had spent 25 years in Toastmasters learning how to speak in public and within 3 months of sharing writing, preparing and sharing my story along with everyone else's story I learnt more about speaking in public than I every did in Toastmasters.
This has been the most rewarding volunteer experience for me. Each time I share my mental health story I help myself and hopefully help others.
April 22nd was Earth Day, I read that service to others is the rent you pay to earth for occupying a space. I have found the more you give in volunteering the more you get back.
I already do my part. I am involved in sports organizations, festivals, associations and every major event that comes to Winnipeg. The last couple of years our city has played host to FIFA Women's World Cup and Grey Cup. This summer is the Canada Summer Games and I will be apart of it.
I have a basic rule for volunteering, the minute it stops being fun and becomes a chore or like work that is the time to move on from that volunteer involvement. In the past few years I have not had to do this. The organizations I am involved with hold special meaning for me.
I am back for my 15th year with the Winnipeg Folk Festival. For most years I was on the traffic Crew directing traffic and parking cars. Now I am in hotel hospitality. The cool aspect to this festival is that the entertainers both well known and newly known and everyone is cool and down to earth. Over the years I have met Steve Earle, Xavier Rudd, Bruce Cockburn to name a few..
I remember talking win Steve Earle and he had nothing but rave reviews for all the volunteers. Regular folk coming together over music. My best friend Mike, God rest his soul, every April would ask me if this was the year. I finally said yes and have regretted it at all.
For the last 11 years I have volunteered with Manitoba Soccer Association in many capacities. I served on the Board for 2 years. Serve as disciplinarian for the local Senior Men's League and served as 1rst VP for 7 years. This past winter I was honoured with the senior volunteer award for outstanding contributions to soccer. I wasn't much of a player, coach or referee, however, found my niche as a volunteer. It is a beautiful game.
For the last five years I have volunteered with various Sport Manitoba events especially the Hall of Fame dinner. I fell in love with this dinner in 2003 when my father was inducted into the hall. After attending many of the dinners, the logical step was t volunteer at it. The beauty of this event you have professional atheletes mixing with amateur atheletes and everyone's ego is checked at the door. My role at the dinner is to monitor the artifacts of all the inductees. This past year Mike Keane 3 time Stanley Cup winner was inducted complete with minature Stanley Cup on hand.
For the last 3 years I have been involved with Canadian Mental Health Association Winnipeg/Manitoba region. I volunteer at special events, booths, leading discussions and I am a MILE 5 speaker, where I go into schools and share my mentaL health story. When I first signed up this I was unsure of my role and said to the staff person, do I fit in here. You see all the other people learning to share their story except for one were much younger than me. Taylor reassured me that I do have a story to tell.
I had spent 25 years in Toastmasters learning how to speak in public and within 3 months of sharing writing, preparing and sharing my story along with everyone else's story I learnt more about speaking in public than I every did in Toastmasters.
This has been the most rewarding volunteer experience for me. Each time I share my mental health story I help myself and hopefully help others.
April 22nd was Earth Day, I read that service to others is the rent you pay to earth for occupying a space. I have found the more you give in volunteering the more you get back.
Thursday, 20 April 2017
Coming Clean
it is good to be back. It is time to come clean. I have made some really stupid decisions in my 53 years. Some of these decisions have caused great anguish to myself and some have caused anguish to others.
I was a slave to money for the longest time. This is starting to change. As of January 2017 my personal debt was 56,000$. For the last several years I had tried my best to hide my debt. Who was I fooling? I was only fooling myself, my partner knew.
Last year she gave me an ultimatum. She knew I wanted to get married. She told me get your debt under control and then we can get married. So in early January I proposed.
It is April 20 and to this date my debt has decreased by 11000$. I have been focused, I have counted every penny, made sacrifices and with teamwork from my partner.
Has it been difficult, yes and no. Have there been hiccups, most definitely. I am starting to have a greater appreciation for money and how to use it positively. I opened up a second RRSP with monthly contributions. My mental health has wavered through this process. What has helped me through this has been my partner walking side by side with me supporting and loving me. She has provided the framework and plan. She has kept me focused and on track. I love this lady very much. I am looking forward to marrying her and growing old together.
I have embraced my debt in the same way I have embraced my depression. The plan is early 2018 to be debt free.
For me the first step was getting real with myself and how significant money played in my life. How I valued money was putting it above everything else in my life especially my partner. Money was identified as a problem early on in our relationship. I worked really hard at reducing my debt only to increase it by 1000$. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, it is a sign of strength.
My partner made me do things that made me angry and uncomfortable. I called my bank and creditors asking for financial help through lower interest rates. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my debt.
These calms had mixed results, however, I am no longer ashamed, embarrassed or angry about my debt. I will keep trying to negotiate with the creditors for better rates.
Through this experience I have learn valuable life lessons and finally see that money can be a compliment not a hinderance to life.
There is no magic wand ( I wish there was) to wave and have everything go away. Commitment, focus, positive energy and a plan will make the debt go away.
Creating this blog has not reduced my debt, however, coming clean with myself has made me feel lighter. I have also discovered the secret to paying off debt is to actually pay off debt.
I was a slave to money for the longest time. This is starting to change. As of January 2017 my personal debt was 56,000$. For the last several years I had tried my best to hide my debt. Who was I fooling? I was only fooling myself, my partner knew.
Last year she gave me an ultimatum. She knew I wanted to get married. She told me get your debt under control and then we can get married. So in early January I proposed.
It is April 20 and to this date my debt has decreased by 11000$. I have been focused, I have counted every penny, made sacrifices and with teamwork from my partner.
Has it been difficult, yes and no. Have there been hiccups, most definitely. I am starting to have a greater appreciation for money and how to use it positively. I opened up a second RRSP with monthly contributions. My mental health has wavered through this process. What has helped me through this has been my partner walking side by side with me supporting and loving me. She has provided the framework and plan. She has kept me focused and on track. I love this lady very much. I am looking forward to marrying her and growing old together.
I have embraced my debt in the same way I have embraced my depression. The plan is early 2018 to be debt free.
For me the first step was getting real with myself and how significant money played in my life. How I valued money was putting it above everything else in my life especially my partner. Money was identified as a problem early on in our relationship. I worked really hard at reducing my debt only to increase it by 1000$. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, it is a sign of strength.
My partner made me do things that made me angry and uncomfortable. I called my bank and creditors asking for financial help through lower interest rates. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my debt.
These calms had mixed results, however, I am no longer ashamed, embarrassed or angry about my debt. I will keep trying to negotiate with the creditors for better rates.
Through this experience I have learn valuable life lessons and finally see that money can be a compliment not a hinderance to life.
There is no magic wand ( I wish there was) to wave and have everything go away. Commitment, focus, positive energy and a plan will make the debt go away.
Creating this blog has not reduced my debt, however, coming clean with myself has made me feel lighter. I have also discovered the secret to paying off debt is to actually pay off debt.
Sunday, 9 April 2017
Vimy Ridge
Today is Aprl 9th. We as Canadians celebrate the battle of Vimy Ridge, 100 years ago Canadian military regiments from coast to coast came together to fight the Germans. Over the course of 3 days the Canadians did what the French and English could not do. They repelled the Germans at Vimy Ridge. The victory led to the end of World War 1. The victory helped create a strong national identity.
Canadian leaders later referred to the battle of Vimy Ridge as " Our Greatest Victory, Our Bloodiest Day". Three thousand five hundred and ninety eight men gave their life and another seven thousand and four were wounded.
I watched with tears of happiness and sorrow as the anniversary was remembered. The memorial at Vimy Ridge is poignant and dignified. When Prince William and Harry laid the finally set of soldiers boots and poppies on the memorial, I felt extremely proud to be Canadian.
I came to Canada as a boy of four in 1968 and am pleased that my father accepted his career position in Canada. We owe our freedoms and liberties to the young military personnel who fought in the World Wars.
To this day whenever, I see military personnel in uniform I thank them for their service. It is a noble and heroic honor to serve your country. We need to do more to recognize, respect and honor the commitment and sacrifice of our military personnel.
The reality is that our military service did not end 100 years ago at Vimy Ridge. The military continues to serve to protect. In peace keeping roles throughout the world. Through their sacrifice and service they sometimes experience horrors which often leads to their lives being marred by mental health issues. We need to do more to support and let them know the pride we feel in their service.
Lest We Forget.
Canadian leaders later referred to the battle of Vimy Ridge as " Our Greatest Victory, Our Bloodiest Day". Three thousand five hundred and ninety eight men gave their life and another seven thousand and four were wounded.
I watched with tears of happiness and sorrow as the anniversary was remembered. The memorial at Vimy Ridge is poignant and dignified. When Prince William and Harry laid the finally set of soldiers boots and poppies on the memorial, I felt extremely proud to be Canadian.
I came to Canada as a boy of four in 1968 and am pleased that my father accepted his career position in Canada. We owe our freedoms and liberties to the young military personnel who fought in the World Wars.
To this day whenever, I see military personnel in uniform I thank them for their service. It is a noble and heroic honor to serve your country. We need to do more to recognize, respect and honor the commitment and sacrifice of our military personnel.
The reality is that our military service did not end 100 years ago at Vimy Ridge. The military continues to serve to protect. In peace keeping roles throughout the world. Through their sacrifice and service they sometimes experience horrors which often leads to their lives being marred by mental health issues. We need to do more to support and let them know the pride we feel in their service.
Lest We Forget.
Tuesday, 4 April 2017
The Dream is Still Alive
On this day 49 years ago Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated in Memphis by James Earl Ray. He was in Memphis to lend his support for the African American public service workers. Dr King's life had been well documented and his legacy assured for his advancement in the civil rights movement.
The Lorraine Hotel is the backdrop for the National Civil Rights Museum. If you are visiting Memphis this museum is a must see. It highlights the civil rights movement culminating with room 306 preserved as if it was April 4, 1968.
Also 2017 is the 50th anniversary of the movie Guess Who's Coming to Dinner starring Sydney Poiter as a black Doctor engaged to a white women. At the time of the movies release interracial marriages were stil, illegal in 17 states.
We have come a long way in 50 years or have we. Here in Canada, Aboriginal Canadians live on reserves with poor socio economic issues. Lack of proper housing, clean running water can be contributing factors in high incidences of diabetes, tuberculosis, mental health issues and a high rate of suicide among youth.
Even here in Winnipeg, which is a diverse ethnic city full of many cultures and opportunity. Yet the their day near my office I overheard the following conversation: a gentleman in a pick up truck was stopped at a red light. A family probably new to the city speaking in their own dialect were crossing the street the light turned green before they could cross the road. The gentleman in the pick up truck rolled down his window and told them to go back to their country.
Unbelievable, I went up to the family and offered my apologies for the other gentleman's comments and reactions. In the words of Rodney King why can't we all get along.
Dr. King talked about inclusion, inclusion for everyone all races, all genders everyone as equals. Why can't we strive for this. All it takes is stepping forward and doing the simple things whether it be a simple hello on the street, helping them learn English or providing schooling or employment.
People are seeking a sense of belonging, self esteem, pride, and identity. Everyone wants to be valued. We are all striving to have good mental health. However, sometimes the hill seems insurmountable with a continued systemic level of hate.
The Lorraine Hotel is the backdrop for the National Civil Rights Museum. If you are visiting Memphis this museum is a must see. It highlights the civil rights movement culminating with room 306 preserved as if it was April 4, 1968.
Also 2017 is the 50th anniversary of the movie Guess Who's Coming to Dinner starring Sydney Poiter as a black Doctor engaged to a white women. At the time of the movies release interracial marriages were stil, illegal in 17 states.
We have come a long way in 50 years or have we. Here in Canada, Aboriginal Canadians live on reserves with poor socio economic issues. Lack of proper housing, clean running water can be contributing factors in high incidences of diabetes, tuberculosis, mental health issues and a high rate of suicide among youth.
Even here in Winnipeg, which is a diverse ethnic city full of many cultures and opportunity. Yet the their day near my office I overheard the following conversation: a gentleman in a pick up truck was stopped at a red light. A family probably new to the city speaking in their own dialect were crossing the street the light turned green before they could cross the road. The gentleman in the pick up truck rolled down his window and told them to go back to their country.
Unbelievable, I went up to the family and offered my apologies for the other gentleman's comments and reactions. In the words of Rodney King why can't we all get along.
Dr. King talked about inclusion, inclusion for everyone all races, all genders everyone as equals. Why can't we strive for this. All it takes is stepping forward and doing the simple things whether it be a simple hello on the street, helping them learn English or providing schooling or employment.
People are seeking a sense of belonging, self esteem, pride, and identity. Everyone wants to be valued. We are all striving to have good mental health. However, sometimes the hill seems insurmountable with a continued systemic level of hate.
Sunday, 2 April 2017
MILE 5
MILE 5 is a five day program developed for high and middle school students. It stands for Mental Illness Literacy Program and is a 5 day school based stigma reduction program. I am a volunteer speaker with Canadian Mental Health Association Manitoba/Winnipeg Region and go into schools on day 4 and share my story.
Students learn what can contribute to mental illness and they learn what factors contribute to the development of mental illness. Statistics show that 1 out of every 5 people have a mental health illness.
I have shared my story now at 6 schools now and each time I come away feeling empowered and inspired. I am overwhelmed at the intelligence, knowledge of the students and realize that the worlds future is in good hands. The students are inquisitive and engaged. They ask informative insightful questions.
I share my story of dealing with depression and how I sought out professional help and have learned to deal in a positive way with my depression. My lows are not nearly as low or as long as they used to be.
The students write questions down on cue cards and then I answer them. The questions range from What is your favourite sport? Who is your favourite basketball player? to What are the signs and symptoms for you? What is it like taking medications for depression? Who has helped you deal with your depression?
I wish there was this type of program when I was going to school. Anything that can be done to break down the stigma of mental health is important. Mental health is an illness like cancer or diabetes. It is often silent and can affect anyone at any time.
For me the symptoms are two fold. I either become silent, withdrawn or distant. Or I become angry, loud, belligerent and swear lots. My triggers are an unexpected social situation which does not go as anticipated. This can also be a work situation. When I am dealing well with my depression I just roll with it. I can tell my depression is managing me when I react in one of 2 ways as mentioned above. Also I have found that laughter truly is a wonderful medicine. It is not my only medicine in my toolbox. It is good to have it in my repotoire.
Students learn what can contribute to mental illness and they learn what factors contribute to the development of mental illness. Statistics show that 1 out of every 5 people have a mental health illness.
I have shared my story now at 6 schools now and each time I come away feeling empowered and inspired. I am overwhelmed at the intelligence, knowledge of the students and realize that the worlds future is in good hands. The students are inquisitive and engaged. They ask informative insightful questions.
I share my story of dealing with depression and how I sought out professional help and have learned to deal in a positive way with my depression. My lows are not nearly as low or as long as they used to be.
The students write questions down on cue cards and then I answer them. The questions range from What is your favourite sport? Who is your favourite basketball player? to What are the signs and symptoms for you? What is it like taking medications for depression? Who has helped you deal with your depression?
I wish there was this type of program when I was going to school. Anything that can be done to break down the stigma of mental health is important. Mental health is an illness like cancer or diabetes. It is often silent and can affect anyone at any time.
For me the symptoms are two fold. I either become silent, withdrawn or distant. Or I become angry, loud, belligerent and swear lots. My triggers are an unexpected social situation which does not go as anticipated. This can also be a work situation. When I am dealing well with my depression I just roll with it. I can tell my depression is managing me when I react in one of 2 ways as mentioned above. Also I have found that laughter truly is a wonderful medicine. It is not my only medicine in my toolbox. It is good to have it in my repotoire.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)