Today marks the 20th anniversary of Princess Diana's death. I remember where I was when I heard the news. It was the Saturday night of the long weekend, had just gotten home from an evening at the races with some friends. I was flipping channels and CNN had breaking news.
I felt compelled to watch as the world did.
In the days that followed, the mountains of flowers, tributes and memorials sprung up outside Buckingham Palace and the deafening silence from within the Palace only fueled the theories as to what really happened. Was it just an accident of tragic proportions or something more sinister.
I admit I jumped on the conspiracy bandwagon and still today have my own theories as to what happened. I was not a fan of the royal family.
Flash forward to today, my views of the royal family have changed and I have more of a sympathetic view of them now led by the shining example of her sons Princes William and Harry. They have grown up and matured into being wonderful and prominent people in the world.
They both had to deal, process their mother's death in a public setting. They have both come public about the effects their mother's death had on them and are paying it forward. Harry especially described his experiences as total chaos which we now understand some of his bizarre behavior in previous years. They have started the Heads Together campaign to bring attention to Mental Health issues.
20 years ago Diana was the most photographed and sought after woman in the world. Her every move was made public and criticized rightly or wrongly. Since then the world has allowed people in the public eye to have and lead a more private life. This is a good thing. They are regular people with the same issues as you and I.
Again led by the Princes example, they lead almost normal lives and there whereabouts are not chronicled with the same scrutiny. Here is the link to their website.
https://www.headstogether.org.uk/about-heads-together/
To honor Princess Diana we can all put our heads together to end the stigma of mental health. Be open and honest and don't suffer in silence. See good in all people and don't judge them until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
I have and I am a better person for it today.
Thursday, 31 August 2017
Tuesday, 1 August 2017
Reflection and Rememberence
Since 2005, July has been a very tough month and in particular Friday's in July. For the last couple of years, I have been dealing with the July blip in a positive way. My focus has turned to remembrance and reflection, instead of the calendar days.
I used to tense up and be afraid of Friday's in July. I was nervous about answering the phone or checking email for fear that something bad would have happened. I would eagerly await for Friday to roll into Saturday and let out a sigh of relief that I survived again. Fearing the worst instead of dealing with whatever life presented itself. Now I am learning to roll with the punches and accept whatever transpires transpires.
You see ever since 1989 over the years relatives and close friends have died on Fridays in July. A cousin, uncle, father and best friend. Especially 2005 and 2008. in these years my father and best friend died. It took me a long time to come to terms with their passing and I now honor both of them in the best possible way.
Honor them in my father's case with a scotch salute and wearing a shirt that bears reference to his college days at Oxford in England. Honor Mike by drinking a Ft Garry dark, his favorite beer and having a toast in his honor.
I know that they are watching over me and I feel their presence almost every day. It is comforting to know that they are still around me.
This July four people who I knew or were associated with passed away. One of these people was a lady taken far too soon at 52. I associated with her in the 1980's, hadn't seen her for 30 years. I felt compelled to go to her funeral. Her father had passed years ago and his was the first funeral I had been at where the coffin was in the church. Another was one of the finest basketball players to play Canadian College ball. Bloody cancer.
A close friends father whose funeral (celebration of life) was yesterday and he lived a full rich life with so much love and acceptance. He was a great husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather and sports writer. All of this was captured so authentically by his family and friends. It made me wish I was part of his family. The first time I met him was at a bbq and he was the grill master. He introduced me to how to bbq. The key is to have a beer in your hand whenever you need to flip whatever was on the bbq.
This past Sunday a lady in the block where I live passed away. only 62, she let her demons get the better of her life. This July once again has proven that life is too short and we need to make the most of it and how we deal with it.
I am in the best health I have been in for years. My weight hit a low of 188 for the first time in 15 years. My blood work were at levels that indicate that my diabetes is not even a factor for my health and I gave blood for the 25th time. My mental health mood is great. I know all this sounds good, however, I am being vigilante with my lifestyle both physically and mentally. I know how easy it is to slip and I know that I will slip, its human nature. I also know how to react when I do slip. My support is only a phone call away.
I don't get hung up on the small stuff and don't allow my life to be driven by fear and the unknown. Important lessons I learned and keep on learning from my grandson.
I used to tense up and be afraid of Friday's in July. I was nervous about answering the phone or checking email for fear that something bad would have happened. I would eagerly await for Friday to roll into Saturday and let out a sigh of relief that I survived again. Fearing the worst instead of dealing with whatever life presented itself. Now I am learning to roll with the punches and accept whatever transpires transpires.
You see ever since 1989 over the years relatives and close friends have died on Fridays in July. A cousin, uncle, father and best friend. Especially 2005 and 2008. in these years my father and best friend died. It took me a long time to come to terms with their passing and I now honor both of them in the best possible way.
Honor them in my father's case with a scotch salute and wearing a shirt that bears reference to his college days at Oxford in England. Honor Mike by drinking a Ft Garry dark, his favorite beer and having a toast in his honor.
I know that they are watching over me and I feel their presence almost every day. It is comforting to know that they are still around me.
This July four people who I knew or were associated with passed away. One of these people was a lady taken far too soon at 52. I associated with her in the 1980's, hadn't seen her for 30 years. I felt compelled to go to her funeral. Her father had passed years ago and his was the first funeral I had been at where the coffin was in the church. Another was one of the finest basketball players to play Canadian College ball. Bloody cancer.
A close friends father whose funeral (celebration of life) was yesterday and he lived a full rich life with so much love and acceptance. He was a great husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather and sports writer. All of this was captured so authentically by his family and friends. It made me wish I was part of his family. The first time I met him was at a bbq and he was the grill master. He introduced me to how to bbq. The key is to have a beer in your hand whenever you need to flip whatever was on the bbq.
This past Sunday a lady in the block where I live passed away. only 62, she let her demons get the better of her life. This July once again has proven that life is too short and we need to make the most of it and how we deal with it.
I am in the best health I have been in for years. My weight hit a low of 188 for the first time in 15 years. My blood work were at levels that indicate that my diabetes is not even a factor for my health and I gave blood for the 25th time. My mental health mood is great. I know all this sounds good, however, I am being vigilante with my lifestyle both physically and mentally. I know how easy it is to slip and I know that I will slip, its human nature. I also know how to react when I do slip. My support is only a phone call away.
I don't get hung up on the small stuff and don't allow my life to be driven by fear and the unknown. Important lessons I learned and keep on learning from my grandson.
Monday, 17 July 2017
Lessons Learned From My Grandson
I am a grandfather. Frankly, I never thought I would ever say those words out loud. I do not have kids, however, my fiance has 2 beautiful kids that I have come to know and love. I wasn't sure what to expect as I was not expecting to be a grandfather so soon as Kelsey was a teenage mother.
Oliver and Kelsey have finished a wonderful 38 day visit where I learned many valuable life lessons. I learned what unconditional love is all about. He just wanted to be loved with no strings and he wanted to give the love back. He doesn't hold it against you when you don't change his diaper on time or feed him his lunch on time. He just loves you unconditionally.
I knew I was in for a special experience. The first night we were watching TV and I was in the reclining chair and Kelsey gave him to me. Within 5 minutes he was snuggled up against my chest and asleep. I was in heaven. What a blissful moment.
Up until the visit I had never changed a diaper. As the month went on, I became quite adapt at changing diapers. He even peed on me one day with the biggest smile and giggle. He was proud of what he did. I took it as a badge of honor.
He would come to you with has hands wide open wanting to be picked up and hugged, looking for love and acceptance and once he got it from you he would give it right back.
He is adventurous and inquisitive. He crawled everywhere. We had to baby proof the cabinets so he couldn't explore, he still tried his best to open the cabinets.
He is resilient and unafraid. He could go from still and quiet one minute to crying like it was the end of world the next to back to still and quiet.
After a couple of weeks he took his first steps. He would look to make sure no one was watching him and then take the step. After a couple of days he didn't care whether anyone was watching he just walked everywhere. He is fearless. He waved and smiled at everyone. Pure joy.
At 15 months he is special and hopefully continues to be special. He has so much love inside and out. We went to the zoo and he was totally enthralled with the dinosaur alive exhibit. the only thing he didn't care for was the splash pad, didn't like getting wet, yet he enjoyed having baths with all his bath toys.
I love Ollie and miss him and can't wait to see him again and learn more life lessons.
I love Ollie and miss him and can't wait to see him again and learn more life lessons.
Friday, 9 June 2017
If you like it, Put a Ring on it
The other day I watched one of my favorite movies of all time. I will tell you right now it is not your typical movie that resonates with the male population. However, for me it played a very important role at a dark time in my life.
After many failed relationships with women, I wanted to really learn what makes women tick? What do women want in a relationship? What makes women stay in a relationship? So in order to answer these questions where does a single male turn to, or where did this single male turn to?
I started reading Cosmopolitan magazine monthly and watching Sex and the City TV series weekly, When the movie came out in 2008 it was a no brainer that I went to see it. There I was one evening at a late showing sitting by myself with my drink and popcorn. There were a handful of other people in the theatre mostly women except for another male, who obviously was dragged there by his wife/ girlfriend, he looked like this was the last place on earth he wanted to be. He kept looking around hoping that no one he knew would be there.
I liked the movie, it was flaky and campy on the surface, however, beneath the surface it was full of subtle observations about life, love, relationships, sex, what women want and what men want, feelings, emotions, making mountains out of molehills.
I have now watched the movie about 10 times and last week was first time viewing it as an engaged man. I saw it in a different light. We are getting married next year in Vegas. I would be perfectly happy with the Elvis drive thru chapel or the Taco Bell 600$ wedding or whatever. The important part is spending the day, the moment, the rest of my life with my beautiful and inspiring Shelley whom I love more than anything.
When you have too much extravagance, you start losing touch with reality and that is what happened to Carrie and her wedding to Big. It became a monster that neither of them were able to handle.
The most important thing is saying I love you forever, with the one you love.
After many failed relationships with women, I wanted to really learn what makes women tick? What do women want in a relationship? What makes women stay in a relationship? So in order to answer these questions where does a single male turn to, or where did this single male turn to?
I started reading Cosmopolitan magazine monthly and watching Sex and the City TV series weekly, When the movie came out in 2008 it was a no brainer that I went to see it. There I was one evening at a late showing sitting by myself with my drink and popcorn. There were a handful of other people in the theatre mostly women except for another male, who obviously was dragged there by his wife/ girlfriend, he looked like this was the last place on earth he wanted to be. He kept looking around hoping that no one he knew would be there.
I liked the movie, it was flaky and campy on the surface, however, beneath the surface it was full of subtle observations about life, love, relationships, sex, what women want and what men want, feelings, emotions, making mountains out of molehills.
I have now watched the movie about 10 times and last week was first time viewing it as an engaged man. I saw it in a different light. We are getting married next year in Vegas. I would be perfectly happy with the Elvis drive thru chapel or the Taco Bell 600$ wedding or whatever. The important part is spending the day, the moment, the rest of my life with my beautiful and inspiring Shelley whom I love more than anything.
When you have too much extravagance, you start losing touch with reality and that is what happened to Carrie and her wedding to Big. It became a monster that neither of them were able to handle.
The most important thing is saying I love you forever, with the one you love.
Monday, 22 May 2017
Redemption
This past weekend Pippa Middleton was married. The world was introduced to her at her sister Kate's wedding to Prince William in 2011.
Her wedding was a royal affair in every sense of the word. The Prince's were in attendance along with her niece and nephew and the King of Tennis Roger Federer.
In my younger days I disliked everything that had to do with the royals. They were the ultimate in disfinctional families. The biggest hypocrisy of all was that the heir to the throne of England (Prince Charles) had to marry a virgin. Her sole responsibility was to bear a son to continue the male legacy of the family.
Charles and Diana's marriage in 1981 was the ultimate in hypocrisy. Diana the naive 20 year old nursery school teacher was smitten with Charles. He was more interested in his girlfriend Camlla and his behaviour was accepted by the royal family.
As Diana matured and became a mother she became the people's princess. At every opportunity she tried to have a normal life and raise her kids with as normal a life as possible. This was extremely hard. She was the most photographed women in the world and her every move was a breaking news story. She succeeded in doing and living life to the fullest in deference to the royal family.
It is 20 years since her death and she is still one of the most influential people of our time.
Her sons have developed into wonderful, caring, responsible young men. Princes William and Harry are the reasons why I have become a Royal watcher and follower. They are authentic, real. Their mother's influence is evident.
It hasn't been easy for them, growing up in the spotlight. Everything they do is under the microscope and yet they turned out very well. I admire and respect them.
Harry recently acknowledged his dark moments in the years since his mother's death. Looking back we now understand his rebellious phase and acts. He was discovering and understanding his life.
It is not easy to acknowledge that their is something wrong. We all have flaws. Until I was diagnosed with depression and started looking back on my life, i was angry, irritable a real shit full of negativity.
Embracing my depression and being open about it has changed my life. I am indebted to my fiancée for leading me out of the darkness and into the light.
I still have bad days and low moments. Thankfully these are shorter and fewer. Be brave and open, do not suffer in silence. It is important to reach out and get help.
Her wedding was a royal affair in every sense of the word. The Prince's were in attendance along with her niece and nephew and the King of Tennis Roger Federer.
In my younger days I disliked everything that had to do with the royals. They were the ultimate in disfinctional families. The biggest hypocrisy of all was that the heir to the throne of England (Prince Charles) had to marry a virgin. Her sole responsibility was to bear a son to continue the male legacy of the family.
Charles and Diana's marriage in 1981 was the ultimate in hypocrisy. Diana the naive 20 year old nursery school teacher was smitten with Charles. He was more interested in his girlfriend Camlla and his behaviour was accepted by the royal family.
As Diana matured and became a mother she became the people's princess. At every opportunity she tried to have a normal life and raise her kids with as normal a life as possible. This was extremely hard. She was the most photographed women in the world and her every move was a breaking news story. She succeeded in doing and living life to the fullest in deference to the royal family.
It is 20 years since her death and she is still one of the most influential people of our time.
Her sons have developed into wonderful, caring, responsible young men. Princes William and Harry are the reasons why I have become a Royal watcher and follower. They are authentic, real. Their mother's influence is evident.
It hasn't been easy for them, growing up in the spotlight. Everything they do is under the microscope and yet they turned out very well. I admire and respect them.
Harry recently acknowledged his dark moments in the years since his mother's death. Looking back we now understand his rebellious phase and acts. He was discovering and understanding his life.
It is not easy to acknowledge that their is something wrong. We all have flaws. Until I was diagnosed with depression and started looking back on my life, i was angry, irritable a real shit full of negativity.
Embracing my depression and being open about it has changed my life. I am indebted to my fiancée for leading me out of the darkness and into the light.
I still have bad days and low moments. Thankfully these are shorter and fewer. Be brave and open, do not suffer in silence. It is important to reach out and get help.
Sunday, 23 April 2017
Volunteering, Why I Do It.
The week of April 23-29 is National Volunteer Week in Canada. This year it holds added significance because it is Canada's 150th birthday. There will be many ways to get involved to celebrate the country through volunteerism.
I already do my part. I am involved in sports organizations, festivals, associations and every major event that comes to Winnipeg. The last couple of years our city has played host to FIFA Women's World Cup and Grey Cup. This summer is the Canada Summer Games and I will be apart of it.
I have a basic rule for volunteering, the minute it stops being fun and becomes a chore or like work that is the time to move on from that volunteer involvement. In the past few years I have not had to do this. The organizations I am involved with hold special meaning for me.
I am back for my 15th year with the Winnipeg Folk Festival. For most years I was on the traffic Crew directing traffic and parking cars. Now I am in hotel hospitality. The cool aspect to this festival is that the entertainers both well known and newly known and everyone is cool and down to earth. Over the years I have met Steve Earle, Xavier Rudd, Bruce Cockburn to name a few..
I remember talking win Steve Earle and he had nothing but rave reviews for all the volunteers. Regular folk coming together over music. My best friend Mike, God rest his soul, every April would ask me if this was the year. I finally said yes and have regretted it at all.
For the last 11 years I have volunteered with Manitoba Soccer Association in many capacities. I served on the Board for 2 years. Serve as disciplinarian for the local Senior Men's League and served as 1rst VP for 7 years. This past winter I was honoured with the senior volunteer award for outstanding contributions to soccer. I wasn't much of a player, coach or referee, however, found my niche as a volunteer. It is a beautiful game.
For the last five years I have volunteered with various Sport Manitoba events especially the Hall of Fame dinner. I fell in love with this dinner in 2003 when my father was inducted into the hall. After attending many of the dinners, the logical step was t volunteer at it. The beauty of this event you have professional atheletes mixing with amateur atheletes and everyone's ego is checked at the door. My role at the dinner is to monitor the artifacts of all the inductees. This past year Mike Keane 3 time Stanley Cup winner was inducted complete with minature Stanley Cup on hand.
For the last 3 years I have been involved with Canadian Mental Health Association Winnipeg/Manitoba region. I volunteer at special events, booths, leading discussions and I am a MILE 5 speaker, where I go into schools and share my mentaL health story. When I first signed up this I was unsure of my role and said to the staff person, do I fit in here. You see all the other people learning to share their story except for one were much younger than me. Taylor reassured me that I do have a story to tell.
I had spent 25 years in Toastmasters learning how to speak in public and within 3 months of sharing writing, preparing and sharing my story along with everyone else's story I learnt more about speaking in public than I every did in Toastmasters.
This has been the most rewarding volunteer experience for me. Each time I share my mental health story I help myself and hopefully help others.
April 22nd was Earth Day, I read that service to others is the rent you pay to earth for occupying a space. I have found the more you give in volunteering the more you get back.
I already do my part. I am involved in sports organizations, festivals, associations and every major event that comes to Winnipeg. The last couple of years our city has played host to FIFA Women's World Cup and Grey Cup. This summer is the Canada Summer Games and I will be apart of it.
I have a basic rule for volunteering, the minute it stops being fun and becomes a chore or like work that is the time to move on from that volunteer involvement. In the past few years I have not had to do this. The organizations I am involved with hold special meaning for me.
I am back for my 15th year with the Winnipeg Folk Festival. For most years I was on the traffic Crew directing traffic and parking cars. Now I am in hotel hospitality. The cool aspect to this festival is that the entertainers both well known and newly known and everyone is cool and down to earth. Over the years I have met Steve Earle, Xavier Rudd, Bruce Cockburn to name a few..
I remember talking win Steve Earle and he had nothing but rave reviews for all the volunteers. Regular folk coming together over music. My best friend Mike, God rest his soul, every April would ask me if this was the year. I finally said yes and have regretted it at all.
For the last 11 years I have volunteered with Manitoba Soccer Association in many capacities. I served on the Board for 2 years. Serve as disciplinarian for the local Senior Men's League and served as 1rst VP for 7 years. This past winter I was honoured with the senior volunteer award for outstanding contributions to soccer. I wasn't much of a player, coach or referee, however, found my niche as a volunteer. It is a beautiful game.
For the last five years I have volunteered with various Sport Manitoba events especially the Hall of Fame dinner. I fell in love with this dinner in 2003 when my father was inducted into the hall. After attending many of the dinners, the logical step was t volunteer at it. The beauty of this event you have professional atheletes mixing with amateur atheletes and everyone's ego is checked at the door. My role at the dinner is to monitor the artifacts of all the inductees. This past year Mike Keane 3 time Stanley Cup winner was inducted complete with minature Stanley Cup on hand.
For the last 3 years I have been involved with Canadian Mental Health Association Winnipeg/Manitoba region. I volunteer at special events, booths, leading discussions and I am a MILE 5 speaker, where I go into schools and share my mentaL health story. When I first signed up this I was unsure of my role and said to the staff person, do I fit in here. You see all the other people learning to share their story except for one were much younger than me. Taylor reassured me that I do have a story to tell.
I had spent 25 years in Toastmasters learning how to speak in public and within 3 months of sharing writing, preparing and sharing my story along with everyone else's story I learnt more about speaking in public than I every did in Toastmasters.
This has been the most rewarding volunteer experience for me. Each time I share my mental health story I help myself and hopefully help others.
April 22nd was Earth Day, I read that service to others is the rent you pay to earth for occupying a space. I have found the more you give in volunteering the more you get back.
Thursday, 20 April 2017
Coming Clean
it is good to be back. It is time to come clean. I have made some really stupid decisions in my 53 years. Some of these decisions have caused great anguish to myself and some have caused anguish to others.
I was a slave to money for the longest time. This is starting to change. As of January 2017 my personal debt was 56,000$. For the last several years I had tried my best to hide my debt. Who was I fooling? I was only fooling myself, my partner knew.
Last year she gave me an ultimatum. She knew I wanted to get married. She told me get your debt under control and then we can get married. So in early January I proposed.
It is April 20 and to this date my debt has decreased by 11000$. I have been focused, I have counted every penny, made sacrifices and with teamwork from my partner.
Has it been difficult, yes and no. Have there been hiccups, most definitely. I am starting to have a greater appreciation for money and how to use it positively. I opened up a second RRSP with monthly contributions. My mental health has wavered through this process. What has helped me through this has been my partner walking side by side with me supporting and loving me. She has provided the framework and plan. She has kept me focused and on track. I love this lady very much. I am looking forward to marrying her and growing old together.
I have embraced my debt in the same way I have embraced my depression. The plan is early 2018 to be debt free.
For me the first step was getting real with myself and how significant money played in my life. How I valued money was putting it above everything else in my life especially my partner. Money was identified as a problem early on in our relationship. I worked really hard at reducing my debt only to increase it by 1000$. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, it is a sign of strength.
My partner made me do things that made me angry and uncomfortable. I called my bank and creditors asking for financial help through lower interest rates. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my debt.
These calms had mixed results, however, I am no longer ashamed, embarrassed or angry about my debt. I will keep trying to negotiate with the creditors for better rates.
Through this experience I have learn valuable life lessons and finally see that money can be a compliment not a hinderance to life.
There is no magic wand ( I wish there was) to wave and have everything go away. Commitment, focus, positive energy and a plan will make the debt go away.
Creating this blog has not reduced my debt, however, coming clean with myself has made me feel lighter. I have also discovered the secret to paying off debt is to actually pay off debt.
I was a slave to money for the longest time. This is starting to change. As of January 2017 my personal debt was 56,000$. For the last several years I had tried my best to hide my debt. Who was I fooling? I was only fooling myself, my partner knew.
Last year she gave me an ultimatum. She knew I wanted to get married. She told me get your debt under control and then we can get married. So in early January I proposed.
It is April 20 and to this date my debt has decreased by 11000$. I have been focused, I have counted every penny, made sacrifices and with teamwork from my partner.
Has it been difficult, yes and no. Have there been hiccups, most definitely. I am starting to have a greater appreciation for money and how to use it positively. I opened up a second RRSP with monthly contributions. My mental health has wavered through this process. What has helped me through this has been my partner walking side by side with me supporting and loving me. She has provided the framework and plan. She has kept me focused and on track. I love this lady very much. I am looking forward to marrying her and growing old together.
I have embraced my debt in the same way I have embraced my depression. The plan is early 2018 to be debt free.
For me the first step was getting real with myself and how significant money played in my life. How I valued money was putting it above everything else in my life especially my partner. Money was identified as a problem early on in our relationship. I worked really hard at reducing my debt only to increase it by 1000$. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, it is a sign of strength.
My partner made me do things that made me angry and uncomfortable. I called my bank and creditors asking for financial help through lower interest rates. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my debt.
These calms had mixed results, however, I am no longer ashamed, embarrassed or angry about my debt. I will keep trying to negotiate with the creditors for better rates.
Through this experience I have learn valuable life lessons and finally see that money can be a compliment not a hinderance to life.
There is no magic wand ( I wish there was) to wave and have everything go away. Commitment, focus, positive energy and a plan will make the debt go away.
Creating this blog has not reduced my debt, however, coming clean with myself has made me feel lighter. I have also discovered the secret to paying off debt is to actually pay off debt.
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