Let’s Talk

 Today is Bell Let’s Talk day in Canada and their slogan this year is every action counts. Bell will donate 5 cents for every action on social media using their picture, hashtag and other gimmicks on social networks. I commend their commitment to this action now in its eleventh year. Millions of dollars are raised each year.

Why only one day a year? Why not once a month, dedicate the 28th of every month for Let’s Talk day. The struggle is real. One out of every three people deals with a mental health issue. This number is staggering and now more than ever the Stigma has to be eliminated. The pandemic has kicked the crap out of my mental health this past year. Some days my anxiety is through the roof and my depression plays tricks with my mind. Some nights I lay myself down to sleep and within minutes my mind races a million miles and a million thoughts an hour. I am being pulled in so many different ways. I have to get up and clear my mind, take some clonazapan. Other nights it is an interrupted restless night of sleep. 

I find that by talking about it helps. However, I have to be careful who I talk to. Some people are not tolerant, supportive and have been known to call bullshit and say “ I don’t want to hear about your mental health issues”. I avoid these people whenever I can. 

I have many others in my support network who are there to lend the supportive ear, say the right words or just listen without judgement. Listening without judgement is a trait I am continually working on. You see I like to call myself a recovering narcissist. I recognize the behaviour and can see it in other people. Unfortunately, it occasionally comes out in my own behaviour. It is painful when this happens. I have hurt some very important friends because of these actions. I know better. I will do better.

This year has been challenging in so many ways. Thankfully my physical health has been good (COVID free touch wood). Some days I struggle to get up and go to work. I feel guilty that I have work to go to when so many others don’t. Many days I have come home and cried in my wife’s arms. I miss hugs. I miss  visiting my friends. I miss volunteering which is a huge aspect of my life. I miss my stepchildren and my grandson. We spoke last night via FaceTime and I heard the four most beautiful words in the English language “I love you Grandpa”. I can’t wait to see him and hug him and bake cookies with him.  My wife and I talk about him all the time. 

Yeah it’s great that one day of the year is set aside to talk about mental health. What about the other 364. The more we share and talk about mental health, the less there is a Stigma. Be kind always. You never know what someone’s story is. Be supportive, non judgemental, and open at all times. It is okay to not be okay. 

A New Era Has Arrived

 The last couple of months have been anxiety filled and depression overload and today felt like a huge ton of weights had been lifted off my plate and the plates of millions of people. The combative, disingenuous, indifferent approach by a misogynistic, narcissistic spreading misinformation lying bully has been replaced and flushed down the drain. The new era Biden/Harris bring breathes of fresh air. They bring humour, compassion, empathy and conciliation to a nation and world sorely in need.

My anxiety has been through the roof, fraut with tension. Walking around on pins and needles wondering what will happen next. I knew that stuff would happen, I never thought that there would be an insurrection a coup on the Capital. This happens in 3rd world countries not the good old USA. The racist groups became emboldened under the Dumpster Fire urging them on. This behaviour of negativity has spread to other countries. Here in Canada these groups now have a voice and it is scary. I hope Dumpster Fire fades into oblivion (one can hope). 

The old adage if you believe a lie long enough you start believing it is true. That is the rhetoric he has left behind. Fake news, misinformation, controlling the narrative. It doesn’t have to be this way and we will get back to the way it was. 

Our mental health will improve. It already feels different. No anxiety, depression good for now. I am eternally optimistic that the worst is behind us. I am eagerly awaiting better days. The light is getting brighter with battling the pandemic. The vaccine, herd immunity and prominent widespread mask mandates. 

Watching images of the Inauguration, what struck me most is the class, authentic, grace shown by President Biden and Madam Vice President Harris and their amazing spouses. Such a different tone from the brooding stooped Dumpster Fire. We are in good hands. Be kind, positive and true to ourselves.  

2020 An Impactful Year In Sports

 I love sports. All things sports. So 2020 was extremely hard for me especially for several months when the sporting world went silent. 

When it did start back up there were amazing feats individually and by teams. Personally my favourite team Liverpool won their first league title in 30 years. Naomi Ozaka dominated the US Women’s Tennis Open both with her play and her promotion of racial injustice. The Black Lives Matter movement was embraced by the sporting world. Players took knees for anthems. Players boycotted games. Players created open dialogue and a forum for discussion. The sporting world will have changed forever and for the better.

The sporting world also lost a significant number of luminaries who many made an impression on their sports and life in general. It started early with David Stern and Don Larsen on January 1. Don Larsen is the only picture to pitch a perfect game in the World Series. David Stern was NBA commissioner who turned the NBA into a global entity. Stars were aplenty with Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant whose death on Jan 27th shocked the world. 

The hockey world lost Henri Pocket Rocket Richard, Eddie the Entertainer Shack who had a hit song named after him. With a famous line “Clear the Track, Here Comes Shack”. Dale Ducky Hawerchuk. A beloved Winnipeg Jet. The greatest to ever wear their jersey. I had the pleasure of meeting him twice. Once at Big Brothers of Winnipeg AGM and than at his induction into Manitoba Sports Hall of Fame. He was true to Winnipeg and Winnipeg was true to him.  

Baseball lost many Hall of Farmers including Whitey Ford, Bob Gibson, Tom Seaver, Darryl Cousins, Dick Allen, Tony Fernandez, Al Kaline, Lou Brock Bob Watson and Joe Morgan who I met when I went on a tour of the Cincinnati Reds stadium and Hall of Fame in 2013. I got a miniature statue of his as a keepsake. 

American football lost Gayle Sayers, Willie Wood, Bobby Mitchell (first African American to play for the Washington Football Team), Paul Hornung (Heisman winner who became more famous for his off field gambling exploits), Tarvaris Jackson, Fred Dean, Chris Doleman, Jim Kick and Tom Dempsey was born without toes on his kicking foot and for years held the record for longest field goal. One of the last of the straight on kickers. 

The coaching profession was hit hard with both college and pro football and basketball. One of my favourites John Thompson the towering figure of Georgetown Hoyas the first African American coach to win the championship. However, for me it was his kind words to Fred Brown in defeat that defined him for me. They had lost the 1981 title game and Fred Brown passed the ball to the opposing player by mistake. He was inconsolable and Thompson said to him, son if that is the only mistake you make you will live a charmed life. Fred Brown works mentoring inner city youth in Washington DC. Other coaching deaths were Lute Olson, Eddie Sutton, Johnny Majors, George Perles, Sam Whyche, Tom Webster, Jerry Sloan, Joe Bugel, Billy Tubbs, Lou Henson, Tom Heinsohn, Morgan Wooton winningest high school coach DeMatha High School and Don Shula winningest NFL coach (Miami Dolphins) 

Basketball lost Cliff Robinson (Survivor contestant) Curly Neal Harlem Globetrotter and greatest dribbler on record, Wes Unseld won NBA title with Washington Bullets the next year they changed the name to the Wizards. 

Other notables who died Mike Sexton World Series of Poker Champion, Rafer Johnson 1960 decathlon gold medalist, Pete Dye golf course designer, Peter Allis British golfing commentator. Travis Roy who created the ice bucket challenge who on his first shift for Boston College was paralyzed. Kurt Thomas Olympic Gold Medalist Gymnast, Phyllis George a pioneer in broadcasting. Two of the greatest soccer players Paola Rossi and Diego Maradona both beautifully skilled players who had off field problems. 

2020 was an impactful year in sports and I am eager to see how 2021 will play out. I will be rooting for my favourite teams. I will be cheering on the amazing feats and people of the world of sports. Sports plays a huge role in shaping life. 

Shattering the Glass Ceiling

 2020 was a bizarre year in many ways. The pandemic, so many lives lost and continue to be lost. Vaccine in place in record time. Most of 2021 will be spent dealing with it. We will get through this and be stronger for it. The US election dominated the airwaves when talk shifted from the pandemic. From the Dumpster Fire Orange Menace circling the drain, trying to convince everyone that the election was rigged to Joe Biden and the Democrats winning. Kamala Harris the first women VP and African-Indian VP. 

The glass ceiling shattered on many levels this past year. No level more evident than in sports. Starting in January Canada’s Christine scored her 185 international soccer goal. More than any other person playing the game. Kim Ng being the first General Manager of a North American professional sports team. Becky Harmon the first female to coach in an NBA regular season game. Stephanie Frappert the first female to referee a Champions League Men’s soccer match. Jerome Boger led the first all African American NFL crew. 

Politics elected the first transgender Senator Sarah McBride. Chris Nikic became the first person with Downs Syndrome to complete a Triathlon. Naomi Osaka captured the US Women’s Tennis Open raising awareness for racial injustice with her masks. 

Tremendous accomplishments by all and yet why in this day and age of advancement and equality are we still talking about firsts. As a member of the only class (white males) to not experience any marginalization I am acutely aware of my place in the class. I have been working hard at not letting my privilege show. I am sorry to say it is hard to do. Society is skewed toward white privilege. 

I make a conscious effort to be kind, treat people with respect and lead by example. Do I slip up yes. Do I say or do the wrong things yes. However, more times than not I am aware of my environment and check what I say or do. I am kept in check by my wife, my counsellor, my support network, my stepchildren  and most importantly my 4 year old grandson. You have all been a great source of comfort and support. You keep my anger at bay, my mental health in check. One of the hardest things to overcome is lying down trying to sleep and my anxiety kicks in and my mind races all over the place preventing sleep from occurring.

You know my triggers and signs so that I don’t go down that rabbit hole. 

I came close several times. Twice I said I want to check out. Once I had a plan. Thankfully these thoughts and emotions didn’t last long. My mantra for 2020 was to be kind. I think I succeeded more days than not with this. 

My mantra for 2021 is to not create drama in my life. Happy New Year everyone. 

My Bright Light

 I have made several attempts over the last couple of weeks to blog. I come home from work and have good intentions. The next minute spending the evening on Netflix, watching old CSI or Law and Order reruns. Or worse my ultimate guilty pleasure binge watching Forensic Files. 

The next day comes around and I say today is the day. And still nothing. Some days I feel guilty that my career in healthcare has been deemed essential when so many other people have lost their jobs or had their hours drastically reduced.

I feel perpetually depressed. After a few hours of watching TV or playing slotomania, high five or poker on line I attempt sleep. My anxiety kicks in and my mind races all over the place and sleep eludes me for several hours.

This year feels like Groundhog Day. The same scenario’s play out and yet no progress is made. What is the definition of insanity “Doing the same thing over and expecting different results”. That is how I feel about the year 2020. It is boring and monotonous yet essential. 

I feel like Peter Finch in the 70’s movie Network, where he goes to an open window and yells “I am mad as hell and not going to take it anymore”. The hardest part is trying to accomplish the simplest of tasks. Dishes pile up in the sink for days on end. It is usually 10-14 between laundry. Even bathing/showering is hard. 

I was feeling very low yesterday until we got a picture of our grandson which brought a tear to my eye. Over the last couple of years and outside of my wife he has been the biggest influence in my life. 

This year has sucked. It has taken a huge toll on my life. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. A couple of times although briefly I wanted to check out. 

I know that times will get better. I know that I will have my grandson    in my life at all times. When I feel lowest, I think of you.  His bright light shines in me at all times  I can’t wait to see him and give him a big hug. Love you little man 

My Father and Diego Maradona

 This past week the world lost a legend a GOAT in many people’s eyes. In my opinion Diego Maradona was the second greatest football (soccer) player ever only behind Pele. He died at the young age of 60. People lined up for 20 blocks to view him lying in state at the Presidential Palace in Buenos Aires Argentina. 

He grew up poor and was spotted at a young age which led to him playing with Boca Juniors one of the famous clubs in Argentine. He rose quickly through the ranks and eventually played for the National Team and playing in 4 World Cups  1982, 1986, 1990 & 1994.

The 1986 tournament held in Mexico which Argentina won became immortalized for his controversial goal against England in the quarterfinals. The Hand Of God where he deliberately handed the ball claiming it was headed in. It wouldn’t be till 25 years later that he later admitted what really happened. Argentina went on to win their 2nd World Cup  

This was first time my father was intertwined with Maradona. My father was President of the Canadian Soccer Association from 1986-1991. It was also the World Cup where Canada qualified for their one and only time. Canada went winless and goalless, however, acquitted themselves well in 3 close losses to France, Hungary and Russia respectively. 

In 1990 the World Cup was in Italy and my father represented Canada at the FIFA Congress during the tournament. Argentina defending champions lost their opening match and did not lose until the final against West Germany 1-0 on a late penalty. 

At the 1994 World Cup hosted by the United States, my father served as Chair of the FIFA Appeals Committee which was located in Dallas. This was when he became face to face with Diego Maradona. Maradona tested positive after their second game against Nigeria for Ephedrine and his punishment was banishment from the tournament. As Appeals Chair, my father heard the appeal and upheld the decision ousting Maradona from the tournament. 

I sure hope they have reunited and are swapping stories about their lifetime commitment to the beautiful game. They are both 2 of the game’s greatest ambassadors. My father fought for the Women’s game to be on equal footing with the men’s game. Originally, they wanted the women to play with a smaller ball, shorter field and other differences. My father fought for the Women’s Game eventually winning over the soccer superpowers and Canada was looked upon more favourable on the World Soccer Level. 

Who would of thought an Austrian Jew who had his formative school years playing soccer in rural England immigrating to Canada and on a whim when the ref didn’t show up for my brother’s soccer grab his whistle from the car and proceeded to ref the game. Soon after his phone didn’t stop ringing wanting him to get involved which led him to the World stage as an administrator. Diego Maradona grew up poor in the suburbs of Buenos Aires was given a soccer ball at the age of three. By the age of 12 he was displaying mastery with the ball which led him to the world stage and world champion. The Golden Boy. Rest In Power. 

Journey of a Lifetime

 Today is November 11. Remembrance Day in Canada Veterans Day in the States. 75 years ago World War 2 ended and 102 years ago World War 1 ended.  

My father was born an Austrian Jew in Vienna. By the time he was 4 his mother had died and his father was struggling to support and make it on his own supporting a young son. My father was sent to Prague to live with his maternal grandparents. In 1939 with the Germans preparing to roll into Prague, my father was given safe passage at the age of 9 from Vienna to London. This was courtesy of the British Red Cross and a women who would later be his stepmother.  He was part of the Kindertransport. 

He said goodbye to his grandparents clutching a little suitcase in one hand and a stuffed teddy bear in the other as he boarded a train. His grandparents were rounded up by the Germans and perished in an internment camp.

He had to change trains in Germany one to safety the other not,  and then to the port city of Ostend in Belgium to board a ferry for England. The ferry captain didn’t want him to board the ferry even though he had the right documentation.  For fear he would be ward of the state. The fellow ferry passengers vouched for him and he boarded bound for London where he would meet up with his father and stepmother. The irony is that a day earlier his father was on the same ferry. 

My father grew up in rural England was an honours student at Alford school where he excelled at cricket and soccer. He did his stint in the military as a cook at an RAF base. He went on to Oxford and London School of Economics. After college he got a job while completing his doctorate with the British Foreign Service translating captured German war documents. 

He became a history professor teaching at Universities in Australia, England, United States and finally Canada. His area of expertise the era between the two World Wars. He was living history. The experience at age 9 shaped him throughout his life. He learnt how to fend and survive for himself at that early age. I remember auditing one of his history lectures and the students were riveted to his every word. 

In 1999 a reunion for all of Kindertransport children was held in London. My father was reluctant to attend and had to be coaxed into going. The events of this reunion would shape the last few years of my father’s life. He became more in touch with his Jewish heritage. He gave talks throughout the country on anti-semetism. On several occasions he invited me to attend. It was an evening well spent. 

September 11, 2001 was a heavy day for all. He was lecturing and ended up giving his class a lesson about Al-Quida and Bin Laden. That evening I went for a walk and ended up at his place where we talked for hours about the events of the day. The who, what and why. 

On November 16 would be his 91rst birthday. I miss my father every day and knowing he is one of my guardian angels shining down on me. Every year on his birthday and the day he died. I have a glass of single malt and toast him. He loved his scotch. Every November 11 I remember his journey of a lifetime.

I love and miss you Dad.