I ride the bus on a regular basis. It is always interesting to see who rides the bus. Unfortunately, one of the hardest things to do is not pass judgement on other people.
We say we are non judgemental, it is the hardest thing to do to not pass judgement. Yet we do it every day. Passing judgement. Does it make us a bad person, depends?
Getting back to riding the bus, all ages, cultures, ethnicities ride the bus. Some are going to work, some are returning home. Some are just riding the bus for the sake of riding the bus.
Everyone is doing their best. Everyone has a unique story to tell. What we need to do is take a few minutes to listen to the story instead of passing judgement. Learn to walk a mile in another's shoes.
I make a point of always talking to the bus drivers. They have an unreal job and are heroes in my eyes. The city lost one of their brethren last year due to act of senseless violence. I have several friends who are bus drivers and they all have their battle scars and war stories to tell.
Last week we spent a night in the airport because we had an early morning flight. Yes we did it to save money. I had an unrealistic fear of being kicked out of the airport. Nothing was further from the truth and it was truly a great experience.
There were a half dozen other people doing the same thing. I wondered what their stories were. There was a red eye flight to Halifax that was delayed and all the passengers were eagerly waiting a 7 hour flight, many children looking so cute in their pj's. There was a flight to Abbotsford delayed because of a flat tire. Lots if interesting sights in an airport late at night. It was peaceful, quiet. Some found it easy to sleep. I and my partner could not. We passed the time with sudoku, crosswords and computer games. Before we knew it, our plane was ready to board.
I hope everyone can be less judgemental and more accepting and respectful. Happy New Year everyone.
Sunday, 31 December 2017
Wednesday, 27 December 2017
Irrational Fears and the Consequences
The other day, we had an early morning flight. We decided to arrive at the airport the night before a full 8 hours ahead of our flight. It turned out to be a great experience as time flew by. There were about half a dozen other people spending the night.
I was apprehensive and fearful of this. My worst fears were not realized and proved to be irrational and unsubstantiated. I was afraid we would be kicked out. Why was I afraid? What could happen.
Nothing.
I started thinking about other times in my life when I was afraid for what turned out to be no reason. Where was this overwhelming fear of gloom and doom coming from? I didn't have to look far.
My family, particularly my mother, instilled fear in me over practically everything and nothing. Growing up, it would be don't walk alone at night. Don't talk to strangers, be careful driving, don' t flash money, because you may be robbed. Don't smoke, don't do drugs or drink alcohol. Fairly common fears that our parents would talk to us about. However, in my case it was taken to another level.
Don't be too trusting of people because they will take advantage of you. Don't get involved with women who can take your money. People will try to steal your identity, make sure you protect your money, your cards, your PIN numbers. Let's be honest no one wants to steal my identity. Don't travel alone, don't let people listen in on your conversations.
The world is inherently bad and is out to take advantage of you. The only ones who can help you are your family. Family will protect you. They can also create fear when none exists and it gets ingrained into our fabric and not in a good way.
As a result of these fears being ingrained into my mind, I developed an overwhelming sense of fear. I can't help think that everytime i have irrational fears, the tolll it takes on my mental health. Anothet reason to get my fears in check and overcone them. This has dominated my life, my choices. What has it gotten me? Have I moved further in my life by living in fear. No, by always being fearful I have become I insular in my thinking, ideals. I have allowed fear to cloud my judgement.
With the help of my partner, I have been slowly picking away at my fears. However, they have become so ingrained that it will take time.
I have even overcome my fear of heights and now will go to the top of the CN tower in Toronto and stand and look down in the glass floor 103 stories up.
Some of my fears will take longer like my fear of snakes. However, the fear of being kicked out of an airport was absurd, irrational and inane n my part.
I resolve that in 2018 my life will not be run by fear. It will be filled with love, adventure, and positivity. If I do slip and become fearful over nothing, feel free to give me a swift kick in the you know where.
I was apprehensive and fearful of this. My worst fears were not realized and proved to be irrational and unsubstantiated. I was afraid we would be kicked out. Why was I afraid? What could happen.
Nothing.
I started thinking about other times in my life when I was afraid for what turned out to be no reason. Where was this overwhelming fear of gloom and doom coming from? I didn't have to look far.
My family, particularly my mother, instilled fear in me over practically everything and nothing. Growing up, it would be don't walk alone at night. Don't talk to strangers, be careful driving, don' t flash money, because you may be robbed. Don't smoke, don't do drugs or drink alcohol. Fairly common fears that our parents would talk to us about. However, in my case it was taken to another level.
Don't be too trusting of people because they will take advantage of you. Don't get involved with women who can take your money. People will try to steal your identity, make sure you protect your money, your cards, your PIN numbers. Let's be honest no one wants to steal my identity. Don't travel alone, don't let people listen in on your conversations.
The world is inherently bad and is out to take advantage of you. The only ones who can help you are your family. Family will protect you. They can also create fear when none exists and it gets ingrained into our fabric and not in a good way.
As a result of these fears being ingrained into my mind, I developed an overwhelming sense of fear. I can't help think that everytime i have irrational fears, the tolll it takes on my mental health. Anothet reason to get my fears in check and overcone them. This has dominated my life, my choices. What has it gotten me? Have I moved further in my life by living in fear. No, by always being fearful I have become I insular in my thinking, ideals. I have allowed fear to cloud my judgement.
With the help of my partner, I have been slowly picking away at my fears. However, they have become so ingrained that it will take time.
I have even overcome my fear of heights and now will go to the top of the CN tower in Toronto and stand and look down in the glass floor 103 stories up.
Some of my fears will take longer like my fear of snakes. However, the fear of being kicked out of an airport was absurd, irrational and inane n my part.
I resolve that in 2018 my life will not be run by fear. It will be filled with love, adventure, and positivity. If I do slip and become fearful over nothing, feel free to give me a swift kick in the you know where.
Wednesday, 6 December 2017
Still Learning Lessons From History
Today is December 6, 2017 a day of reflection for 2 sorrowful events in Canadian history. On this day in 1917 the Halifax Explosion occurred. Two ships one carrying explosives collided with one another in the harbor creating a massive fireball and killed 2000 people and left incredible damage. Laws were changed to improve the shipping of dangerous goods.
The city of Boston sent EMT personnel to Halifax to assist with the wounded and the recovery. Every year since 1970 Halifax has sent a Christmas tree to Boston to serve as the cities official tree. Beautiful partnership and generosity between cities.
The other event was the Montreal massacre. In 1989 14 vibrant and energetic lives were taken by a young man who had a beef against women. Every year the anniversary of the massacre has since been commemorated as the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women.
It also led to more stringent gun control legislation.
This year the day is more poignant than ever in light of the daily revelations about sexual assault and harassment against women. Today Time magazine announced their person of the year. It is not a person. It is the ME TOO movement. A movement that has taken the world by storm and is a long time coming.
I cannot fathom the emotional, mental and physical anguish women have had to endure. Rise up and continue to rise up. Your voices and stories are important and need to be heard.
What men once thought of as joke can no longer be viewed or shared. We have to learn to change our perspective. After all we are the weaker gender.
I would like to be able to say ME TOO, however, I say it in a different way. At many times throughout my life I have been bullied, taken advantage of, called names.
Some examples, in grade one I could not tie my shoes and was sent to the bathroom until I could tie my shoes. I spent many a lonely time in the bathroom learning to tie my shoes. At the age of 8, I started wearing glasses and was called 4 eyes. In my teen years I had a huge acne problem which people made fun of. Not to mention I was shy and immature.
At 15 my parents separated and I lived with my mother and essentially became a mamma's boy which I am only now starting to shed. I am 6 & 8 years younger than my brothers and am still seen as the little brother who they have to protect. At work in the past I have been bullied by managers and peers.
Yet here I am at 53 surviving and thriving happier and healthier than I have ever been. I have a wonderful career and a beautiful loving and supportive partner. I am in love with her children and our 20 month old grandson who adds so much joy to my life.
The city of Boston sent EMT personnel to Halifax to assist with the wounded and the recovery. Every year since 1970 Halifax has sent a Christmas tree to Boston to serve as the cities official tree. Beautiful partnership and generosity between cities.
The other event was the Montreal massacre. In 1989 14 vibrant and energetic lives were taken by a young man who had a beef against women. Every year the anniversary of the massacre has since been commemorated as the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women.
It also led to more stringent gun control legislation.
This year the day is more poignant than ever in light of the daily revelations about sexual assault and harassment against women. Today Time magazine announced their person of the year. It is not a person. It is the ME TOO movement. A movement that has taken the world by storm and is a long time coming.
I cannot fathom the emotional, mental and physical anguish women have had to endure. Rise up and continue to rise up. Your voices and stories are important and need to be heard.
What men once thought of as joke can no longer be viewed or shared. We have to learn to change our perspective. After all we are the weaker gender.
I would like to be able to say ME TOO, however, I say it in a different way. At many times throughout my life I have been bullied, taken advantage of, called names.
Some examples, in grade one I could not tie my shoes and was sent to the bathroom until I could tie my shoes. I spent many a lonely time in the bathroom learning to tie my shoes. At the age of 8, I started wearing glasses and was called 4 eyes. In my teen years I had a huge acne problem which people made fun of. Not to mention I was shy and immature.
At 15 my parents separated and I lived with my mother and essentially became a mamma's boy which I am only now starting to shed. I am 6 & 8 years younger than my brothers and am still seen as the little brother who they have to protect. At work in the past I have been bullied by managers and peers.
Yet here I am at 53 surviving and thriving happier and healthier than I have ever been. I have a wonderful career and a beautiful loving and supportive partner. I am in love with her children and our 20 month old grandson who adds so much joy to my life.
Wednesday, 22 November 2017
Not in My Backyard
We have a fight brewing in a neighbourhood close to our place. It is a fight that is totally unnecessary. There is an abandoned hockey arena that a group wants to turn into an addictions treatment facility. Opposing this great endeavour is the area councillor who has inflamed and created fear in the residents for all the wrong reasons.
An addictions treatment facility is very much needed. Treatment centres create positive lifestyle change and alternate perspectives and they work. People do get healed and are able to resume their lives or restart their lives.
It is shameful that this elected official felt the need to incite residents with misinformation and untruths. What is his motive, his gain. Civic elections are next year and he will not get my vote.
I can't imagine what it is like to have an addiction and when someone makes insensitive remarks about people with addictions is disrespectful and disgraceful.
Everyone has a story to tell. We need to be sensitive and allow the stories to be heard. What if a member of his circle was dealing with addiction, would his tune change. I bet it would. You see it is easy to say not in my backyard. It is harder to accept and embrace and it is far more rewarding.
I stand in favour of this facility in my backyard and hope to see it come to fruition. I called the councillor and left him a message indicating what an asset this facility would be for the community and encouraged him to rethink his opposition to this project.
The real issue is whether it is a treatment facility or something else, people will always say not in my backyard. We are resistant to change, we like our homeostasis. Progress and change are inevitable. Do we want to be moving forward or standing still. I prefer to move forward positively.
An addictions treatment facility is very much needed. Treatment centres create positive lifestyle change and alternate perspectives and they work. People do get healed and are able to resume their lives or restart their lives.
It is shameful that this elected official felt the need to incite residents with misinformation and untruths. What is his motive, his gain. Civic elections are next year and he will not get my vote.
I can't imagine what it is like to have an addiction and when someone makes insensitive remarks about people with addictions is disrespectful and disgraceful.
Everyone has a story to tell. We need to be sensitive and allow the stories to be heard. What if a member of his circle was dealing with addiction, would his tune change. I bet it would. You see it is easy to say not in my backyard. It is harder to accept and embrace and it is far more rewarding.
I stand in favour of this facility in my backyard and hope to see it come to fruition. I called the councillor and left him a message indicating what an asset this facility would be for the community and encouraged him to rethink his opposition to this project.
The real issue is whether it is a treatment facility or something else, people will always say not in my backyard. We are resistant to change, we like our homeostasis. Progress and change are inevitable. Do we want to be moving forward or standing still. I prefer to move forward positively.
Take The High Road
Last week, a friend of mine shared a story about how a work colleague passed off work done by my friend as her own. She was appalled and in shock that people can be so evil and nasty. My advise to her was to take the high road. She does good work and her work speaks for itself and is noticed.
I told her that I have been a victim of this behaviour as well. I felt betrayed and used. It is sad that this pervasive behaviour is still commonplace in our society
It hurts, it sucks. It took a long time to get over.
I remember telling a lady who I thought I could trust about what happened and she said it happens all the time and the victims don't even know it has happened. The way she said it, implied that she had stolen someone's idea and passed it off as her own.
Several years after this situation, I was running for an elected position with a volunteer organization. The people supporting the other candidate spread lies about me. This hurt me deeply. I turned inward and became depressed. I ended up losing the election.
A blessing in disguise. I am better off without that position. I realized that I was only hurting myself. I learned that I needed to maintain my integrity and my dignity. I learned to turn the other cheek and take the high road.I came to realize that karma works and there is always a price to pay for our actions good bad or indifferent.
I told her that I have been a victim of this behaviour as well. I felt betrayed and used. It is sad that this pervasive behaviour is still commonplace in our society
It hurts, it sucks. It took a long time to get over.
I remember telling a lady who I thought I could trust about what happened and she said it happens all the time and the victims don't even know it has happened. The way she said it, implied that she had stolen someone's idea and passed it off as her own.
Several years after this situation, I was running for an elected position with a volunteer organization. The people supporting the other candidate spread lies about me. This hurt me deeply. I turned inward and became depressed. I ended up losing the election.
A blessing in disguise. I am better off without that position. I realized that I was only hurting myself. I learned that I needed to maintain my integrity and my dignity. I learned to turn the other cheek and take the high road.I came to realize that karma works and there is always a price to pay for our actions good bad or indifferent.
Monday, 20 November 2017
Everyday.... Oh No Another One
It saddens and depresses me every time I hear about another noted person accused of sexual harassment. Today's noted people are Charlie Rose and Ryan Seacrest. Who will it be tomorrow? Who cares?
As a male who strives to always do my best and treat everyone the way I want to be treated I am appalled and disgusted. The more important question that needs to be asked is why. Why do males abuse their positions? Why do they feel the need to act so entitled over others?
I feel for every women who has been a victim. I can't begin to imagine the pain each women has endured. Having to relive their experience every day. While the predators run and hide behind legalese and call each women a liar.
Only one noted person has been sincere in his apology when confronted with the details. Al Franken's apology doesn't excuse his behaviour. He does get the pain and suffering he caused and is remorseful.
What makes me sad, is I understand why women find it hard to trust men. They are skeptical and jaded of a man's intentions. Acceptance, respect and trust become very hard things to earn in a man.
I want women to know that there are still good men out there. Kind compassionate, understanding men who are appalled and disgusted by the behaviour of their male brethren. I hope that my female friends will consider me to be one of these man.
Tuesday, 14 November 2017
It is the Little Things
As I dive deeper into my journey with depression, one area that repeatedly trips me up is the little things. The things most finite, trivial can at times cause the biggest level of frustration which can be a quick slope down to depression.
Let me explain, yesterday we were out and on the way home decided to stop for chocolate milkshakes. We got home and I sat down to have mine and could not get any of the shake to come out of the straw. I immediately started feeling frustrated, let some choice words fly. Shelley said what did that milkshake ever do to you.
She was right of course, what had that drink ever done to me. Nothing of course, it was a microcosm.
I over react to the simplest things. I become frustrated at the drop of a hat. I used to say this was a bad family trait. Frustration and depression go hand in hand for me. I have started to notice how often this happens and what the circumstances are. Unfortunately, it happens more often than I like.
I did enjoy my milkshake. Hopefully next time I can enjoy the whole milkshake experience.
Thursday, 9 November 2017
Fight the Fight Worth Fighting
It has been one year since the Americans did the unthinkable and elect Donald Trump as President. I am still shaking my head believing this is true. What a year it has been, almost every day new scandal, allegations are presented to the American public and yet he walks away unscathed. I think his time in office is short. you cannot continue to dodge the smoke, because where there is smoke there is always fire. I see the fire starting to rage across America.
The turn started this past Tuesday in the elections. Democrats were elected Governors in New Jersey and Virginia. Some states saw their first black mayors and their first transgenders elected. All positive steps in America's recovery.
The rhetoric and vitriol that continue to come from him is so inconsistent and harmful. For example the young radicalized US citizen that when on a rampage in New York City. He immediately wants to close the borders again and cut immigration programs. He forgets that he is a product of immigration. His parents moved to the US from Germany and Ireland respectively.
On the other hand, white males go on murderous rampages in Texas and Las Vegas and immediately blames their behavior on mental health issues. Heaven forbid if he upsets the blessed NRA and the Alt Right.
This is a direct slap in the face to anyone dealing with mental health issues. One out of every three people deals with mental health issues including myself. We are not prone to violence because of our mental health issues or any other reason.
We do not wish our issues on anyone else. We are functioning people out to make a positive impact on the world. All we ask for is understanding, compassion, opportunity to deal with our issues in a free non judgemental non oppressive world.
We need to be collaborative to work together to end the stigma of mental health. It is an illness like cancer, diabetes etc. What we do not need is blowhards like yourself Mr Trump making a mockery of mental health and the people dealing with it.
The struggle is real, everyday and worth fighting.
The turn started this past Tuesday in the elections. Democrats were elected Governors in New Jersey and Virginia. Some states saw their first black mayors and their first transgenders elected. All positive steps in America's recovery.
The rhetoric and vitriol that continue to come from him is so inconsistent and harmful. For example the young radicalized US citizen that when on a rampage in New York City. He immediately wants to close the borders again and cut immigration programs. He forgets that he is a product of immigration. His parents moved to the US from Germany and Ireland respectively.
On the other hand, white males go on murderous rampages in Texas and Las Vegas and immediately blames their behavior on mental health issues. Heaven forbid if he upsets the blessed NRA and the Alt Right.
This is a direct slap in the face to anyone dealing with mental health issues. One out of every three people deals with mental health issues including myself. We are not prone to violence because of our mental health issues or any other reason.
We do not wish our issues on anyone else. We are functioning people out to make a positive impact on the world. All we ask for is understanding, compassion, opportunity to deal with our issues in a free non judgemental non oppressive world.
We need to be collaborative to work together to end the stigma of mental health. It is an illness like cancer, diabetes etc. What we do not need is blowhards like yourself Mr Trump making a mockery of mental health and the people dealing with it.
The struggle is real, everyday and worth fighting.
Friday, 27 October 2017
School Days
Yesterday I shared my mental health story to a class of grade 9 students. Each time I present I come away feeling inspired and encouraged for the youth of today. They are knowledgeable, engaged and interactive.
The questions they asked were extremely insightful and poignant. One student asked knowing what you know now about mental health what would you say to your younger self about mental health. I would say that I wished they had this format when I was going to school. It would help me understand what was happening and what I was experiencing.
In my high school days I was just trying to fit in which was difficult because I was shy and introverted. I was also angry, moody and temperamental. In other words I was a shit.
Where I did fit in was with basketball. I was not much of a player and ended up being the team manager. The coach took a special interest in me and on several occasions stepped into my comfort zone to offer support and guidance. I appreciated this and still see him as one of my role models.
Another student asked how did your family respond when you told them about my depression. Both of my brothers were supportive of me and one admitted that he has had his own mental health issues.
My mother who is aged and losing her filter said, well you didn't get it from me. In that I countered with you cant give someone depression however ones behavior can contribute to causing depression. She has since in her own way been supportive.
I always encourage the students to have the courage to come forward and tell someone what they are feeling and seek out the resources and support they need.
A work colleague who I hadn't seen in a while saw me the other day and said have you lost weight and what have you been doing to lose weight. I said diet, exercise and positive life.
I posted about speaking yesterday on social media and one of my friends responded by saying he was proud of my work for mental health.
I am loud and proud for promoting mental health. My partner wishes I could be louder and prouder for her the same way I am for mental health.
The questions they asked were extremely insightful and poignant. One student asked knowing what you know now about mental health what would you say to your younger self about mental health. I would say that I wished they had this format when I was going to school. It would help me understand what was happening and what I was experiencing.
In my high school days I was just trying to fit in which was difficult because I was shy and introverted. I was also angry, moody and temperamental. In other words I was a shit.
Where I did fit in was with basketball. I was not much of a player and ended up being the team manager. The coach took a special interest in me and on several occasions stepped into my comfort zone to offer support and guidance. I appreciated this and still see him as one of my role models.
Another student asked how did your family respond when you told them about my depression. Both of my brothers were supportive of me and one admitted that he has had his own mental health issues.
My mother who is aged and losing her filter said, well you didn't get it from me. In that I countered with you cant give someone depression however ones behavior can contribute to causing depression. She has since in her own way been supportive.
I always encourage the students to have the courage to come forward and tell someone what they are feeling and seek out the resources and support they need.
A work colleague who I hadn't seen in a while saw me the other day and said have you lost weight and what have you been doing to lose weight. I said diet, exercise and positive life.
I posted about speaking yesterday on social media and one of my friends responded by saying he was proud of my work for mental health.
I am loud and proud for promoting mental health. My partner wishes I could be louder and prouder for her the same way I am for mental health.
Monday, 2 October 2017
We Will Not Back Down
Today was a tough day, waking up to the news of another senseless tragedy/massacre of innocent lives. They were going about living and enjoying their lives to the fullest.
This comes on the heels of another attack on innocents. Thankfully, no loss of life. The emotional scars will last long after the injuries have healed.
The cities of Las Vegas and Edmonton are grieving and hurting today. There are more questions than answers today and for many days to come. I have emotional attachments to both cities. I love the vibrancy and identities of both cities. I have visited both cities on many occasions.
I am hurting today.
The question I am asking myself and the question the perpetrators want you to ask is " Are you going to live in fear"? They want us to live in fear.
Are we going to live in fear? I am not prepared to live in fear. When we live in fear we let these people win.
I am angry at what happened today and this weekend. We have two options, we can cocoon ourself and hibernate or we can not back down and stand up and fight. Fight for our life and the way we can do this is by living our lives without fear, without backing down and letting these bastards win.
I choose the words of Tom Petty, I will not back down. RIP Tom you were a true pioneer and will be missed.
Sunday, 1 October 2017
Making Mountains Out of Molehills
A little while ago at work, I made a simple error. I tried to fix it right away, what I thought would be a simple fix. I ended up creating a mountain out of a mole hill.
My thought was I can fix this right away and not impact service. My better judgement needed to kick in.
What was I thinking, I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgement. This happened on a Friday afternoon and it effected me the rest of the day. I ended up making more mistakes which were not evident until Monday.
One of my colleagues asked me a question and I snapped at her. On the Monday I apologized to her. She told me we all have bad days and make errors. I appreciated that.
That Friday afternoon impacted my whole weekend, I was miserable, irritable and not my regular self. I snapped at my partner and my family.
Mistakes can get the better of me and lead me down a rabbit hole of depression. Yet at other times, I am able to shake them off and move forward positively. Thankfully, the rabbit hole was short lived this time.
Why does this happen? It happens because, I think and feel that I can solve the mistake. Past history has shown that I always create a bigger problem by doing this. I allow my body to fester and stew over the mistake thus creating the mountain. This is he beauty and curse of my depression. It is under control, however, it sneaks up on me to disrupt me and keep me on my toes at all times.
My thought was I can fix this right away and not impact service. My better judgement needed to kick in.
What was I thinking, I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgement. This happened on a Friday afternoon and it effected me the rest of the day. I ended up making more mistakes which were not evident until Monday.
One of my colleagues asked me a question and I snapped at her. On the Monday I apologized to her. She told me we all have bad days and make errors. I appreciated that.
That Friday afternoon impacted my whole weekend, I was miserable, irritable and not my regular self. I snapped at my partner and my family.
Mistakes can get the better of me and lead me down a rabbit hole of depression. Yet at other times, I am able to shake them off and move forward positively. Thankfully, the rabbit hole was short lived this time.
Why does this happen? It happens because, I think and feel that I can solve the mistake. Past history has shown that I always create a bigger problem by doing this. I allow my body to fester and stew over the mistake thus creating the mountain. This is he beauty and curse of my depression. It is under control, however, it sneaks up on me to disrupt me and keep me on my toes at all times.
Tuesday, 26 September 2017
Why Can't We All Just Get Along
These words were spoken by Rodney King in the aftermath of the not guilty verdicts against the 4 four police officers that sparked the LA Riots in 1992. The words seemed appropriate for the state of our world today.
From the events of Charlottesville last month where a young lady Heather Heyer's life came to an end. She was exercising her right to free speech and protest. To the sabre rattling done between world leaders.
There have been some bright moments of people going above and beyond to help out their fellow people. Hurricane Harvey caused tremendous damage to Houston and surrounding areas. In the aftermath, we have heard outstanding stories of average people going above and beyond, sometimes risking their own safety to help those in need. Whenever, there is tragedy it brings out the best and worst of humanity. Some people trying to profit off of it and others compromising their own safety for others.
The one thing I do know is that the effect all of this plays on and with our mental health. In the face of all the negativity we hear through the media it is especially hard to keep a positive outlook and not get mired down in depressive thoughts and actions.
I remember years ago driving in Orlando witnessing a car accident. One car ran a stop light and crashed into another. The driver of one of the cars gets out running up to the other car and says in a loud voice I am going to sue your ass. He was not in the least bit concerned about the well being of the driver, only concerned about his own well being from a financial perspective.
We all need to take a step back and say can we all get along. I know I have learned that some things are not worth getting worked up over. As my fiancee reminds me what is the worst possible outcome. Somebody will get mad and bent out of shape, or if you make a mistake did anyone die. We spend too much time and effort getting worked up for most of the time no reason at all. All it does it just depletes our energy and body from focusing on what is really important, which is being the best person I can be in light of everything around us. Dealing with whatever hand we are dealt in a positive way.
From the events of Charlottesville last month where a young lady Heather Heyer's life came to an end. She was exercising her right to free speech and protest. To the sabre rattling done between world leaders.
There have been some bright moments of people going above and beyond to help out their fellow people. Hurricane Harvey caused tremendous damage to Houston and surrounding areas. In the aftermath, we have heard outstanding stories of average people going above and beyond, sometimes risking their own safety to help those in need. Whenever, there is tragedy it brings out the best and worst of humanity. Some people trying to profit off of it and others compromising their own safety for others.
The one thing I do know is that the effect all of this plays on and with our mental health. In the face of all the negativity we hear through the media it is especially hard to keep a positive outlook and not get mired down in depressive thoughts and actions.
I remember years ago driving in Orlando witnessing a car accident. One car ran a stop light and crashed into another. The driver of one of the cars gets out running up to the other car and says in a loud voice I am going to sue your ass. He was not in the least bit concerned about the well being of the driver, only concerned about his own well being from a financial perspective.
We all need to take a step back and say can we all get along. I know I have learned that some things are not worth getting worked up over. As my fiancee reminds me what is the worst possible outcome. Somebody will get mad and bent out of shape, or if you make a mistake did anyone die. We spend too much time and effort getting worked up for most of the time no reason at all. All it does it just depletes our energy and body from focusing on what is really important, which is being the best person I can be in light of everything around us. Dealing with whatever hand we are dealt in a positive way.
Monday, 11 September 2017
Take a Minute, Change a Life
Today is September 11 a day that we will never forget. Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day.
Everyone at some point in their lives has been touched by suicide. Yesterday I remembered my cousin who took her own life 28 years ago. She was so young, vibrant and full of life, yet hid her demons from the outside world. I still think of her. At the time I didn't know what I know today about suicide and mental health. I spent many years searching for answers that never came. I would leave the room if the TV showed, her method. I was also afraid to hear the mention of her name out loud. Especially, if that person was young.
If you are dealing with issues that feel overwhelming and not wanting to continue, please reach out. You are loved, you are supported. You are valued, You are special.
17 years ago, I was in a dark place and I contemplated ending my life. I was on vacation in the southern United States by myself. I was having a miserable time. Thoughts crossed my mind about here I am in the middle of nowhere, no body would care if I never came back. What stopped me? In my hotel room I had CNN on and they were showing live continuous coverage of young Elian Gonzalez being reunited whit his father.
I reached out to my father. I called him and without judgement he sensed could hear in my voice something was wrong. He said how can I help.
A couple of months ago, I was sharing my mental health story with a middle school class. The class can ask questions or make comments on cards. After I finished, one comment said, I am so glad that you didn't end your life. I thanked the young student and said so am I. Not a day passes without me thinking how lucky and blessed to be here and hope to be here for another 30-40 years.
The people who lost their lives on September 11, 2001 were going about their normal routines just getting started on their day. It proved how fragile our life is.
Everyone has a special story to contribute to life and it is worth sharing.
Live it, love it and share it.
Everyone at some point in their lives has been touched by suicide. Yesterday I remembered my cousin who took her own life 28 years ago. She was so young, vibrant and full of life, yet hid her demons from the outside world. I still think of her. At the time I didn't know what I know today about suicide and mental health. I spent many years searching for answers that never came. I would leave the room if the TV showed, her method. I was also afraid to hear the mention of her name out loud. Especially, if that person was young.
If you are dealing with issues that feel overwhelming and not wanting to continue, please reach out. You are loved, you are supported. You are valued, You are special.
17 years ago, I was in a dark place and I contemplated ending my life. I was on vacation in the southern United States by myself. I was having a miserable time. Thoughts crossed my mind about here I am in the middle of nowhere, no body would care if I never came back. What stopped me? In my hotel room I had CNN on and they were showing live continuous coverage of young Elian Gonzalez being reunited whit his father.
I reached out to my father. I called him and without judgement he sensed could hear in my voice something was wrong. He said how can I help.
A couple of months ago, I was sharing my mental health story with a middle school class. The class can ask questions or make comments on cards. After I finished, one comment said, I am so glad that you didn't end your life. I thanked the young student and said so am I. Not a day passes without me thinking how lucky and blessed to be here and hope to be here for another 30-40 years.
The people who lost their lives on September 11, 2001 were going about their normal routines just getting started on their day. It proved how fragile our life is.
Everyone has a special story to contribute to life and it is worth sharing.
Live it, love it and share it.
Thursday, 31 August 2017
Do You Remember When?
Today marks the 20th anniversary of Princess Diana's death. I remember where I was when I heard the news. It was the Saturday night of the long weekend, had just gotten home from an evening at the races with some friends. I was flipping channels and CNN had breaking news.
I felt compelled to watch as the world did.
In the days that followed, the mountains of flowers, tributes and memorials sprung up outside Buckingham Palace and the deafening silence from within the Palace only fueled the theories as to what really happened. Was it just an accident of tragic proportions or something more sinister.
I admit I jumped on the conspiracy bandwagon and still today have my own theories as to what happened. I was not a fan of the royal family.
Flash forward to today, my views of the royal family have changed and I have more of a sympathetic view of them now led by the shining example of her sons Princes William and Harry. They have grown up and matured into being wonderful and prominent people in the world.
They both had to deal, process their mother's death in a public setting. They have both come public about the effects their mother's death had on them and are paying it forward. Harry especially described his experiences as total chaos which we now understand some of his bizarre behavior in previous years. They have started the Heads Together campaign to bring attention to Mental Health issues.
20 years ago Diana was the most photographed and sought after woman in the world. Her every move was made public and criticized rightly or wrongly. Since then the world has allowed people in the public eye to have and lead a more private life. This is a good thing. They are regular people with the same issues as you and I.
Again led by the Princes example, they lead almost normal lives and there whereabouts are not chronicled with the same scrutiny. Here is the link to their website.
https://www.headstogether.org.uk/about-heads-together/
To honor Princess Diana we can all put our heads together to end the stigma of mental health. Be open and honest and don't suffer in silence. See good in all people and don't judge them until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
I have and I am a better person for it today.
I felt compelled to watch as the world did.
In the days that followed, the mountains of flowers, tributes and memorials sprung up outside Buckingham Palace and the deafening silence from within the Palace only fueled the theories as to what really happened. Was it just an accident of tragic proportions or something more sinister.
I admit I jumped on the conspiracy bandwagon and still today have my own theories as to what happened. I was not a fan of the royal family.
Flash forward to today, my views of the royal family have changed and I have more of a sympathetic view of them now led by the shining example of her sons Princes William and Harry. They have grown up and matured into being wonderful and prominent people in the world.
They both had to deal, process their mother's death in a public setting. They have both come public about the effects their mother's death had on them and are paying it forward. Harry especially described his experiences as total chaos which we now understand some of his bizarre behavior in previous years. They have started the Heads Together campaign to bring attention to Mental Health issues.
20 years ago Diana was the most photographed and sought after woman in the world. Her every move was made public and criticized rightly or wrongly. Since then the world has allowed people in the public eye to have and lead a more private life. This is a good thing. They are regular people with the same issues as you and I.
Again led by the Princes example, they lead almost normal lives and there whereabouts are not chronicled with the same scrutiny. Here is the link to their website.
https://www.headstogether.org.uk/about-heads-together/
To honor Princess Diana we can all put our heads together to end the stigma of mental health. Be open and honest and don't suffer in silence. See good in all people and don't judge them until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
I have and I am a better person for it today.
Tuesday, 1 August 2017
Reflection and Rememberence
Since 2005, July has been a very tough month and in particular Friday's in July. For the last couple of years, I have been dealing with the July blip in a positive way. My focus has turned to remembrance and reflection, instead of the calendar days.
I used to tense up and be afraid of Friday's in July. I was nervous about answering the phone or checking email for fear that something bad would have happened. I would eagerly await for Friday to roll into Saturday and let out a sigh of relief that I survived again. Fearing the worst instead of dealing with whatever life presented itself. Now I am learning to roll with the punches and accept whatever transpires transpires.
You see ever since 1989 over the years relatives and close friends have died on Fridays in July. A cousin, uncle, father and best friend. Especially 2005 and 2008. in these years my father and best friend died. It took me a long time to come to terms with their passing and I now honor both of them in the best possible way.
Honor them in my father's case with a scotch salute and wearing a shirt that bears reference to his college days at Oxford in England. Honor Mike by drinking a Ft Garry dark, his favorite beer and having a toast in his honor.
I know that they are watching over me and I feel their presence almost every day. It is comforting to know that they are still around me.
This July four people who I knew or were associated with passed away. One of these people was a lady taken far too soon at 52. I associated with her in the 1980's, hadn't seen her for 30 years. I felt compelled to go to her funeral. Her father had passed years ago and his was the first funeral I had been at where the coffin was in the church. Another was one of the finest basketball players to play Canadian College ball. Bloody cancer.
A close friends father whose funeral (celebration of life) was yesterday and he lived a full rich life with so much love and acceptance. He was a great husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather and sports writer. All of this was captured so authentically by his family and friends. It made me wish I was part of his family. The first time I met him was at a bbq and he was the grill master. He introduced me to how to bbq. The key is to have a beer in your hand whenever you need to flip whatever was on the bbq.
This past Sunday a lady in the block where I live passed away. only 62, she let her demons get the better of her life. This July once again has proven that life is too short and we need to make the most of it and how we deal with it.
I am in the best health I have been in for years. My weight hit a low of 188 for the first time in 15 years. My blood work were at levels that indicate that my diabetes is not even a factor for my health and I gave blood for the 25th time. My mental health mood is great. I know all this sounds good, however, I am being vigilante with my lifestyle both physically and mentally. I know how easy it is to slip and I know that I will slip, its human nature. I also know how to react when I do slip. My support is only a phone call away.
I don't get hung up on the small stuff and don't allow my life to be driven by fear and the unknown. Important lessons I learned and keep on learning from my grandson.
I used to tense up and be afraid of Friday's in July. I was nervous about answering the phone or checking email for fear that something bad would have happened. I would eagerly await for Friday to roll into Saturday and let out a sigh of relief that I survived again. Fearing the worst instead of dealing with whatever life presented itself. Now I am learning to roll with the punches and accept whatever transpires transpires.
You see ever since 1989 over the years relatives and close friends have died on Fridays in July. A cousin, uncle, father and best friend. Especially 2005 and 2008. in these years my father and best friend died. It took me a long time to come to terms with their passing and I now honor both of them in the best possible way.
Honor them in my father's case with a scotch salute and wearing a shirt that bears reference to his college days at Oxford in England. Honor Mike by drinking a Ft Garry dark, his favorite beer and having a toast in his honor.
I know that they are watching over me and I feel their presence almost every day. It is comforting to know that they are still around me.
This July four people who I knew or were associated with passed away. One of these people was a lady taken far too soon at 52. I associated with her in the 1980's, hadn't seen her for 30 years. I felt compelled to go to her funeral. Her father had passed years ago and his was the first funeral I had been at where the coffin was in the church. Another was one of the finest basketball players to play Canadian College ball. Bloody cancer.
A close friends father whose funeral (celebration of life) was yesterday and he lived a full rich life with so much love and acceptance. He was a great husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather and sports writer. All of this was captured so authentically by his family and friends. It made me wish I was part of his family. The first time I met him was at a bbq and he was the grill master. He introduced me to how to bbq. The key is to have a beer in your hand whenever you need to flip whatever was on the bbq.
This past Sunday a lady in the block where I live passed away. only 62, she let her demons get the better of her life. This July once again has proven that life is too short and we need to make the most of it and how we deal with it.
I am in the best health I have been in for years. My weight hit a low of 188 for the first time in 15 years. My blood work were at levels that indicate that my diabetes is not even a factor for my health and I gave blood for the 25th time. My mental health mood is great. I know all this sounds good, however, I am being vigilante with my lifestyle both physically and mentally. I know how easy it is to slip and I know that I will slip, its human nature. I also know how to react when I do slip. My support is only a phone call away.
I don't get hung up on the small stuff and don't allow my life to be driven by fear and the unknown. Important lessons I learned and keep on learning from my grandson.
Monday, 17 July 2017
Lessons Learned From My Grandson
I am a grandfather. Frankly, I never thought I would ever say those words out loud. I do not have kids, however, my fiance has 2 beautiful kids that I have come to know and love. I wasn't sure what to expect as I was not expecting to be a grandfather so soon as Kelsey was a teenage mother.
Oliver and Kelsey have finished a wonderful 38 day visit where I learned many valuable life lessons. I learned what unconditional love is all about. He just wanted to be loved with no strings and he wanted to give the love back. He doesn't hold it against you when you don't change his diaper on time or feed him his lunch on time. He just loves you unconditionally.
I knew I was in for a special experience. The first night we were watching TV and I was in the reclining chair and Kelsey gave him to me. Within 5 minutes he was snuggled up against my chest and asleep. I was in heaven. What a blissful moment.
Up until the visit I had never changed a diaper. As the month went on, I became quite adapt at changing diapers. He even peed on me one day with the biggest smile and giggle. He was proud of what he did. I took it as a badge of honor.
He would come to you with has hands wide open wanting to be picked up and hugged, looking for love and acceptance and once he got it from you he would give it right back.
He is adventurous and inquisitive. He crawled everywhere. We had to baby proof the cabinets so he couldn't explore, he still tried his best to open the cabinets.
He is resilient and unafraid. He could go from still and quiet one minute to crying like it was the end of world the next to back to still and quiet.
After a couple of weeks he took his first steps. He would look to make sure no one was watching him and then take the step. After a couple of days he didn't care whether anyone was watching he just walked everywhere. He is fearless. He waved and smiled at everyone. Pure joy.
At 15 months he is special and hopefully continues to be special. He has so much love inside and out. We went to the zoo and he was totally enthralled with the dinosaur alive exhibit. the only thing he didn't care for was the splash pad, didn't like getting wet, yet he enjoyed having baths with all his bath toys.
I love Ollie and miss him and can't wait to see him again and learn more life lessons.
I love Ollie and miss him and can't wait to see him again and learn more life lessons.
Friday, 9 June 2017
If you like it, Put a Ring on it
The other day I watched one of my favorite movies of all time. I will tell you right now it is not your typical movie that resonates with the male population. However, for me it played a very important role at a dark time in my life.
After many failed relationships with women, I wanted to really learn what makes women tick? What do women want in a relationship? What makes women stay in a relationship? So in order to answer these questions where does a single male turn to, or where did this single male turn to?
I started reading Cosmopolitan magazine monthly and watching Sex and the City TV series weekly, When the movie came out in 2008 it was a no brainer that I went to see it. There I was one evening at a late showing sitting by myself with my drink and popcorn. There were a handful of other people in the theatre mostly women except for another male, who obviously was dragged there by his wife/ girlfriend, he looked like this was the last place on earth he wanted to be. He kept looking around hoping that no one he knew would be there.
I liked the movie, it was flaky and campy on the surface, however, beneath the surface it was full of subtle observations about life, love, relationships, sex, what women want and what men want, feelings, emotions, making mountains out of molehills.
I have now watched the movie about 10 times and last week was first time viewing it as an engaged man. I saw it in a different light. We are getting married next year in Vegas. I would be perfectly happy with the Elvis drive thru chapel or the Taco Bell 600$ wedding or whatever. The important part is spending the day, the moment, the rest of my life with my beautiful and inspiring Shelley whom I love more than anything.
When you have too much extravagance, you start losing touch with reality and that is what happened to Carrie and her wedding to Big. It became a monster that neither of them were able to handle.
The most important thing is saying I love you forever, with the one you love.
After many failed relationships with women, I wanted to really learn what makes women tick? What do women want in a relationship? What makes women stay in a relationship? So in order to answer these questions where does a single male turn to, or where did this single male turn to?
I started reading Cosmopolitan magazine monthly and watching Sex and the City TV series weekly, When the movie came out in 2008 it was a no brainer that I went to see it. There I was one evening at a late showing sitting by myself with my drink and popcorn. There were a handful of other people in the theatre mostly women except for another male, who obviously was dragged there by his wife/ girlfriend, he looked like this was the last place on earth he wanted to be. He kept looking around hoping that no one he knew would be there.
I liked the movie, it was flaky and campy on the surface, however, beneath the surface it was full of subtle observations about life, love, relationships, sex, what women want and what men want, feelings, emotions, making mountains out of molehills.
I have now watched the movie about 10 times and last week was first time viewing it as an engaged man. I saw it in a different light. We are getting married next year in Vegas. I would be perfectly happy with the Elvis drive thru chapel or the Taco Bell 600$ wedding or whatever. The important part is spending the day, the moment, the rest of my life with my beautiful and inspiring Shelley whom I love more than anything.
When you have too much extravagance, you start losing touch with reality and that is what happened to Carrie and her wedding to Big. It became a monster that neither of them were able to handle.
The most important thing is saying I love you forever, with the one you love.
Monday, 22 May 2017
Redemption
This past weekend Pippa Middleton was married. The world was introduced to her at her sister Kate's wedding to Prince William in 2011.
Her wedding was a royal affair in every sense of the word. The Prince's were in attendance along with her niece and nephew and the King of Tennis Roger Federer.
In my younger days I disliked everything that had to do with the royals. They were the ultimate in disfinctional families. The biggest hypocrisy of all was that the heir to the throne of England (Prince Charles) had to marry a virgin. Her sole responsibility was to bear a son to continue the male legacy of the family.
Charles and Diana's marriage in 1981 was the ultimate in hypocrisy. Diana the naive 20 year old nursery school teacher was smitten with Charles. He was more interested in his girlfriend Camlla and his behaviour was accepted by the royal family.
As Diana matured and became a mother she became the people's princess. At every opportunity she tried to have a normal life and raise her kids with as normal a life as possible. This was extremely hard. She was the most photographed women in the world and her every move was a breaking news story. She succeeded in doing and living life to the fullest in deference to the royal family.
It is 20 years since her death and she is still one of the most influential people of our time.
Her sons have developed into wonderful, caring, responsible young men. Princes William and Harry are the reasons why I have become a Royal watcher and follower. They are authentic, real. Their mother's influence is evident.
It hasn't been easy for them, growing up in the spotlight. Everything they do is under the microscope and yet they turned out very well. I admire and respect them.
Harry recently acknowledged his dark moments in the years since his mother's death. Looking back we now understand his rebellious phase and acts. He was discovering and understanding his life.
It is not easy to acknowledge that their is something wrong. We all have flaws. Until I was diagnosed with depression and started looking back on my life, i was angry, irritable a real shit full of negativity.
Embracing my depression and being open about it has changed my life. I am indebted to my fiancée for leading me out of the darkness and into the light.
I still have bad days and low moments. Thankfully these are shorter and fewer. Be brave and open, do not suffer in silence. It is important to reach out and get help.
Her wedding was a royal affair in every sense of the word. The Prince's were in attendance along with her niece and nephew and the King of Tennis Roger Federer.
In my younger days I disliked everything that had to do with the royals. They were the ultimate in disfinctional families. The biggest hypocrisy of all was that the heir to the throne of England (Prince Charles) had to marry a virgin. Her sole responsibility was to bear a son to continue the male legacy of the family.
Charles and Diana's marriage in 1981 was the ultimate in hypocrisy. Diana the naive 20 year old nursery school teacher was smitten with Charles. He was more interested in his girlfriend Camlla and his behaviour was accepted by the royal family.
As Diana matured and became a mother she became the people's princess. At every opportunity she tried to have a normal life and raise her kids with as normal a life as possible. This was extremely hard. She was the most photographed women in the world and her every move was a breaking news story. She succeeded in doing and living life to the fullest in deference to the royal family.
It is 20 years since her death and she is still one of the most influential people of our time.
Her sons have developed into wonderful, caring, responsible young men. Princes William and Harry are the reasons why I have become a Royal watcher and follower. They are authentic, real. Their mother's influence is evident.
It hasn't been easy for them, growing up in the spotlight. Everything they do is under the microscope and yet they turned out very well. I admire and respect them.
Harry recently acknowledged his dark moments in the years since his mother's death. Looking back we now understand his rebellious phase and acts. He was discovering and understanding his life.
It is not easy to acknowledge that their is something wrong. We all have flaws. Until I was diagnosed with depression and started looking back on my life, i was angry, irritable a real shit full of negativity.
Embracing my depression and being open about it has changed my life. I am indebted to my fiancée for leading me out of the darkness and into the light.
I still have bad days and low moments. Thankfully these are shorter and fewer. Be brave and open, do not suffer in silence. It is important to reach out and get help.
Sunday, 23 April 2017
Volunteering, Why I Do It.
The week of April 23-29 is National Volunteer Week in Canada. This year it holds added significance because it is Canada's 150th birthday. There will be many ways to get involved to celebrate the country through volunteerism.
I already do my part. I am involved in sports organizations, festivals, associations and every major event that comes to Winnipeg. The last couple of years our city has played host to FIFA Women's World Cup and Grey Cup. This summer is the Canada Summer Games and I will be apart of it.
I have a basic rule for volunteering, the minute it stops being fun and becomes a chore or like work that is the time to move on from that volunteer involvement. In the past few years I have not had to do this. The organizations I am involved with hold special meaning for me.
I am back for my 15th year with the Winnipeg Folk Festival. For most years I was on the traffic Crew directing traffic and parking cars. Now I am in hotel hospitality. The cool aspect to this festival is that the entertainers both well known and newly known and everyone is cool and down to earth. Over the years I have met Steve Earle, Xavier Rudd, Bruce Cockburn to name a few..
I remember talking win Steve Earle and he had nothing but rave reviews for all the volunteers. Regular folk coming together over music. My best friend Mike, God rest his soul, every April would ask me if this was the year. I finally said yes and have regretted it at all.
For the last 11 years I have volunteered with Manitoba Soccer Association in many capacities. I served on the Board for 2 years. Serve as disciplinarian for the local Senior Men's League and served as 1rst VP for 7 years. This past winter I was honoured with the senior volunteer award for outstanding contributions to soccer. I wasn't much of a player, coach or referee, however, found my niche as a volunteer. It is a beautiful game.
For the last five years I have volunteered with various Sport Manitoba events especially the Hall of Fame dinner. I fell in love with this dinner in 2003 when my father was inducted into the hall. After attending many of the dinners, the logical step was t volunteer at it. The beauty of this event you have professional atheletes mixing with amateur atheletes and everyone's ego is checked at the door. My role at the dinner is to monitor the artifacts of all the inductees. This past year Mike Keane 3 time Stanley Cup winner was inducted complete with minature Stanley Cup on hand.
For the last 3 years I have been involved with Canadian Mental Health Association Winnipeg/Manitoba region. I volunteer at special events, booths, leading discussions and I am a MILE 5 speaker, where I go into schools and share my mentaL health story. When I first signed up this I was unsure of my role and said to the staff person, do I fit in here. You see all the other people learning to share their story except for one were much younger than me. Taylor reassured me that I do have a story to tell.
I had spent 25 years in Toastmasters learning how to speak in public and within 3 months of sharing writing, preparing and sharing my story along with everyone else's story I learnt more about speaking in public than I every did in Toastmasters.
This has been the most rewarding volunteer experience for me. Each time I share my mental health story I help myself and hopefully help others.
April 22nd was Earth Day, I read that service to others is the rent you pay to earth for occupying a space. I have found the more you give in volunteering the more you get back.
I already do my part. I am involved in sports organizations, festivals, associations and every major event that comes to Winnipeg. The last couple of years our city has played host to FIFA Women's World Cup and Grey Cup. This summer is the Canada Summer Games and I will be apart of it.
I have a basic rule for volunteering, the minute it stops being fun and becomes a chore or like work that is the time to move on from that volunteer involvement. In the past few years I have not had to do this. The organizations I am involved with hold special meaning for me.
I am back for my 15th year with the Winnipeg Folk Festival. For most years I was on the traffic Crew directing traffic and parking cars. Now I am in hotel hospitality. The cool aspect to this festival is that the entertainers both well known and newly known and everyone is cool and down to earth. Over the years I have met Steve Earle, Xavier Rudd, Bruce Cockburn to name a few..
I remember talking win Steve Earle and he had nothing but rave reviews for all the volunteers. Regular folk coming together over music. My best friend Mike, God rest his soul, every April would ask me if this was the year. I finally said yes and have regretted it at all.
For the last 11 years I have volunteered with Manitoba Soccer Association in many capacities. I served on the Board for 2 years. Serve as disciplinarian for the local Senior Men's League and served as 1rst VP for 7 years. This past winter I was honoured with the senior volunteer award for outstanding contributions to soccer. I wasn't much of a player, coach or referee, however, found my niche as a volunteer. It is a beautiful game.
For the last five years I have volunteered with various Sport Manitoba events especially the Hall of Fame dinner. I fell in love with this dinner in 2003 when my father was inducted into the hall. After attending many of the dinners, the logical step was t volunteer at it. The beauty of this event you have professional atheletes mixing with amateur atheletes and everyone's ego is checked at the door. My role at the dinner is to monitor the artifacts of all the inductees. This past year Mike Keane 3 time Stanley Cup winner was inducted complete with minature Stanley Cup on hand.
For the last 3 years I have been involved with Canadian Mental Health Association Winnipeg/Manitoba region. I volunteer at special events, booths, leading discussions and I am a MILE 5 speaker, where I go into schools and share my mentaL health story. When I first signed up this I was unsure of my role and said to the staff person, do I fit in here. You see all the other people learning to share their story except for one were much younger than me. Taylor reassured me that I do have a story to tell.
I had spent 25 years in Toastmasters learning how to speak in public and within 3 months of sharing writing, preparing and sharing my story along with everyone else's story I learnt more about speaking in public than I every did in Toastmasters.
This has been the most rewarding volunteer experience for me. Each time I share my mental health story I help myself and hopefully help others.
April 22nd was Earth Day, I read that service to others is the rent you pay to earth for occupying a space. I have found the more you give in volunteering the more you get back.
Thursday, 20 April 2017
Coming Clean
it is good to be back. It is time to come clean. I have made some really stupid decisions in my 53 years. Some of these decisions have caused great anguish to myself and some have caused anguish to others.
I was a slave to money for the longest time. This is starting to change. As of January 2017 my personal debt was 56,000$. For the last several years I had tried my best to hide my debt. Who was I fooling? I was only fooling myself, my partner knew.
Last year she gave me an ultimatum. She knew I wanted to get married. She told me get your debt under control and then we can get married. So in early January I proposed.
It is April 20 and to this date my debt has decreased by 11000$. I have been focused, I have counted every penny, made sacrifices and with teamwork from my partner.
Has it been difficult, yes and no. Have there been hiccups, most definitely. I am starting to have a greater appreciation for money and how to use it positively. I opened up a second RRSP with monthly contributions. My mental health has wavered through this process. What has helped me through this has been my partner walking side by side with me supporting and loving me. She has provided the framework and plan. She has kept me focused and on track. I love this lady very much. I am looking forward to marrying her and growing old together.
I have embraced my debt in the same way I have embraced my depression. The plan is early 2018 to be debt free.
For me the first step was getting real with myself and how significant money played in my life. How I valued money was putting it above everything else in my life especially my partner. Money was identified as a problem early on in our relationship. I worked really hard at reducing my debt only to increase it by 1000$. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, it is a sign of strength.
My partner made me do things that made me angry and uncomfortable. I called my bank and creditors asking for financial help through lower interest rates. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my debt.
These calms had mixed results, however, I am no longer ashamed, embarrassed or angry about my debt. I will keep trying to negotiate with the creditors for better rates.
Through this experience I have learn valuable life lessons and finally see that money can be a compliment not a hinderance to life.
There is no magic wand ( I wish there was) to wave and have everything go away. Commitment, focus, positive energy and a plan will make the debt go away.
Creating this blog has not reduced my debt, however, coming clean with myself has made me feel lighter. I have also discovered the secret to paying off debt is to actually pay off debt.
I was a slave to money for the longest time. This is starting to change. As of January 2017 my personal debt was 56,000$. For the last several years I had tried my best to hide my debt. Who was I fooling? I was only fooling myself, my partner knew.
Last year she gave me an ultimatum. She knew I wanted to get married. She told me get your debt under control and then we can get married. So in early January I proposed.
It is April 20 and to this date my debt has decreased by 11000$. I have been focused, I have counted every penny, made sacrifices and with teamwork from my partner.
Has it been difficult, yes and no. Have there been hiccups, most definitely. I am starting to have a greater appreciation for money and how to use it positively. I opened up a second RRSP with monthly contributions. My mental health has wavered through this process. What has helped me through this has been my partner walking side by side with me supporting and loving me. She has provided the framework and plan. She has kept me focused and on track. I love this lady very much. I am looking forward to marrying her and growing old together.
I have embraced my debt in the same way I have embraced my depression. The plan is early 2018 to be debt free.
For me the first step was getting real with myself and how significant money played in my life. How I valued money was putting it above everything else in my life especially my partner. Money was identified as a problem early on in our relationship. I worked really hard at reducing my debt only to increase it by 1000$. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, it is a sign of strength.
My partner made me do things that made me angry and uncomfortable. I called my bank and creditors asking for financial help through lower interest rates. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my debt.
These calms had mixed results, however, I am no longer ashamed, embarrassed or angry about my debt. I will keep trying to negotiate with the creditors for better rates.
Through this experience I have learn valuable life lessons and finally see that money can be a compliment not a hinderance to life.
There is no magic wand ( I wish there was) to wave and have everything go away. Commitment, focus, positive energy and a plan will make the debt go away.
Creating this blog has not reduced my debt, however, coming clean with myself has made me feel lighter. I have also discovered the secret to paying off debt is to actually pay off debt.
Sunday, 9 April 2017
Vimy Ridge
Today is Aprl 9th. We as Canadians celebrate the battle of Vimy Ridge, 100 years ago Canadian military regiments from coast to coast came together to fight the Germans. Over the course of 3 days the Canadians did what the French and English could not do. They repelled the Germans at Vimy Ridge. The victory led to the end of World War 1. The victory helped create a strong national identity.
Canadian leaders later referred to the battle of Vimy Ridge as " Our Greatest Victory, Our Bloodiest Day". Three thousand five hundred and ninety eight men gave their life and another seven thousand and four were wounded.
I watched with tears of happiness and sorrow as the anniversary was remembered. The memorial at Vimy Ridge is poignant and dignified. When Prince William and Harry laid the finally set of soldiers boots and poppies on the memorial, I felt extremely proud to be Canadian.
I came to Canada as a boy of four in 1968 and am pleased that my father accepted his career position in Canada. We owe our freedoms and liberties to the young military personnel who fought in the World Wars.
To this day whenever, I see military personnel in uniform I thank them for their service. It is a noble and heroic honor to serve your country. We need to do more to recognize, respect and honor the commitment and sacrifice of our military personnel.
The reality is that our military service did not end 100 years ago at Vimy Ridge. The military continues to serve to protect. In peace keeping roles throughout the world. Through their sacrifice and service they sometimes experience horrors which often leads to their lives being marred by mental health issues. We need to do more to support and let them know the pride we feel in their service.
Lest We Forget.
Canadian leaders later referred to the battle of Vimy Ridge as " Our Greatest Victory, Our Bloodiest Day". Three thousand five hundred and ninety eight men gave their life and another seven thousand and four were wounded.
I watched with tears of happiness and sorrow as the anniversary was remembered. The memorial at Vimy Ridge is poignant and dignified. When Prince William and Harry laid the finally set of soldiers boots and poppies on the memorial, I felt extremely proud to be Canadian.
I came to Canada as a boy of four in 1968 and am pleased that my father accepted his career position in Canada. We owe our freedoms and liberties to the young military personnel who fought in the World Wars.
To this day whenever, I see military personnel in uniform I thank them for their service. It is a noble and heroic honor to serve your country. We need to do more to recognize, respect and honor the commitment and sacrifice of our military personnel.
The reality is that our military service did not end 100 years ago at Vimy Ridge. The military continues to serve to protect. In peace keeping roles throughout the world. Through their sacrifice and service they sometimes experience horrors which often leads to their lives being marred by mental health issues. We need to do more to support and let them know the pride we feel in their service.
Lest We Forget.
Tuesday, 4 April 2017
The Dream is Still Alive
On this day 49 years ago Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated in Memphis by James Earl Ray. He was in Memphis to lend his support for the African American public service workers. Dr King's life had been well documented and his legacy assured for his advancement in the civil rights movement.
The Lorraine Hotel is the backdrop for the National Civil Rights Museum. If you are visiting Memphis this museum is a must see. It highlights the civil rights movement culminating with room 306 preserved as if it was April 4, 1968.
Also 2017 is the 50th anniversary of the movie Guess Who's Coming to Dinner starring Sydney Poiter as a black Doctor engaged to a white women. At the time of the movies release interracial marriages were stil, illegal in 17 states.
We have come a long way in 50 years or have we. Here in Canada, Aboriginal Canadians live on reserves with poor socio economic issues. Lack of proper housing, clean running water can be contributing factors in high incidences of diabetes, tuberculosis, mental health issues and a high rate of suicide among youth.
Even here in Winnipeg, which is a diverse ethnic city full of many cultures and opportunity. Yet the their day near my office I overheard the following conversation: a gentleman in a pick up truck was stopped at a red light. A family probably new to the city speaking in their own dialect were crossing the street the light turned green before they could cross the road. The gentleman in the pick up truck rolled down his window and told them to go back to their country.
Unbelievable, I went up to the family and offered my apologies for the other gentleman's comments and reactions. In the words of Rodney King why can't we all get along.
Dr. King talked about inclusion, inclusion for everyone all races, all genders everyone as equals. Why can't we strive for this. All it takes is stepping forward and doing the simple things whether it be a simple hello on the street, helping them learn English or providing schooling or employment.
People are seeking a sense of belonging, self esteem, pride, and identity. Everyone wants to be valued. We are all striving to have good mental health. However, sometimes the hill seems insurmountable with a continued systemic level of hate.
The Lorraine Hotel is the backdrop for the National Civil Rights Museum. If you are visiting Memphis this museum is a must see. It highlights the civil rights movement culminating with room 306 preserved as if it was April 4, 1968.
Also 2017 is the 50th anniversary of the movie Guess Who's Coming to Dinner starring Sydney Poiter as a black Doctor engaged to a white women. At the time of the movies release interracial marriages were stil, illegal in 17 states.
We have come a long way in 50 years or have we. Here in Canada, Aboriginal Canadians live on reserves with poor socio economic issues. Lack of proper housing, clean running water can be contributing factors in high incidences of diabetes, tuberculosis, mental health issues and a high rate of suicide among youth.
Even here in Winnipeg, which is a diverse ethnic city full of many cultures and opportunity. Yet the their day near my office I overheard the following conversation: a gentleman in a pick up truck was stopped at a red light. A family probably new to the city speaking in their own dialect were crossing the street the light turned green before they could cross the road. The gentleman in the pick up truck rolled down his window and told them to go back to their country.
Unbelievable, I went up to the family and offered my apologies for the other gentleman's comments and reactions. In the words of Rodney King why can't we all get along.
Dr. King talked about inclusion, inclusion for everyone all races, all genders everyone as equals. Why can't we strive for this. All it takes is stepping forward and doing the simple things whether it be a simple hello on the street, helping them learn English or providing schooling or employment.
People are seeking a sense of belonging, self esteem, pride, and identity. Everyone wants to be valued. We are all striving to have good mental health. However, sometimes the hill seems insurmountable with a continued systemic level of hate.
Sunday, 2 April 2017
MILE 5
MILE 5 is a five day program developed for high and middle school students. It stands for Mental Illness Literacy Program and is a 5 day school based stigma reduction program. I am a volunteer speaker with Canadian Mental Health Association Manitoba/Winnipeg Region and go into schools on day 4 and share my story.
Students learn what can contribute to mental illness and they learn what factors contribute to the development of mental illness. Statistics show that 1 out of every 5 people have a mental health illness.
I have shared my story now at 6 schools now and each time I come away feeling empowered and inspired. I am overwhelmed at the intelligence, knowledge of the students and realize that the worlds future is in good hands. The students are inquisitive and engaged. They ask informative insightful questions.
I share my story of dealing with depression and how I sought out professional help and have learned to deal in a positive way with my depression. My lows are not nearly as low or as long as they used to be.
The students write questions down on cue cards and then I answer them. The questions range from What is your favourite sport? Who is your favourite basketball player? to What are the signs and symptoms for you? What is it like taking medications for depression? Who has helped you deal with your depression?
I wish there was this type of program when I was going to school. Anything that can be done to break down the stigma of mental health is important. Mental health is an illness like cancer or diabetes. It is often silent and can affect anyone at any time.
For me the symptoms are two fold. I either become silent, withdrawn or distant. Or I become angry, loud, belligerent and swear lots. My triggers are an unexpected social situation which does not go as anticipated. This can also be a work situation. When I am dealing well with my depression I just roll with it. I can tell my depression is managing me when I react in one of 2 ways as mentioned above. Also I have found that laughter truly is a wonderful medicine. It is not my only medicine in my toolbox. It is good to have it in my repotoire.
Students learn what can contribute to mental illness and they learn what factors contribute to the development of mental illness. Statistics show that 1 out of every 5 people have a mental health illness.
I have shared my story now at 6 schools now and each time I come away feeling empowered and inspired. I am overwhelmed at the intelligence, knowledge of the students and realize that the worlds future is in good hands. The students are inquisitive and engaged. They ask informative insightful questions.
I share my story of dealing with depression and how I sought out professional help and have learned to deal in a positive way with my depression. My lows are not nearly as low or as long as they used to be.
The students write questions down on cue cards and then I answer them. The questions range from What is your favourite sport? Who is your favourite basketball player? to What are the signs and symptoms for you? What is it like taking medications for depression? Who has helped you deal with your depression?
I wish there was this type of program when I was going to school. Anything that can be done to break down the stigma of mental health is important. Mental health is an illness like cancer or diabetes. It is often silent and can affect anyone at any time.
For me the symptoms are two fold. I either become silent, withdrawn or distant. Or I become angry, loud, belligerent and swear lots. My triggers are an unexpected social situation which does not go as anticipated. This can also be a work situation. When I am dealing well with my depression I just roll with it. I can tell my depression is managing me when I react in one of 2 ways as mentioned above. Also I have found that laughter truly is a wonderful medicine. It is not my only medicine in my toolbox. It is good to have it in my repotoire.
Saturday, 1 April 2017
Final Four
Today in Phoenix is the Final Four, the culmination of the March Madness NCAA college basketball tournament. At the same time in Dallas the women are holding their final four. This tournament has produced some of the most memorable games, the greatest upsets of all time.
This year in the women's tournament produced the greatest upset of al time. University of Connecticut had won 111 consecutive games until yesterday. Mississippi State beat them 66-64. The streak dated back to 2014 and included a victory by 60 points over the same team at last years tournament.
In my days with the basketball team we lost a lot of games never by more than 30-40 points. I can't even fathom a loss of such magnitude. However, for that team it galvanized and became a rallying point for them ultimately paying off in their victory yesterday.
All streaks do come to an end. The Chicago Cubs won the World Series after 108 years, Detroit Red Wings have failed to qualify for the playoffs for the first time in 27 years. Oregon Ducks are playing today in their first final four in 78 years. Edmonton Oilers are in the playoffs for the first time in 11 years.
Last year the city of Cleveland, often referred to as the mistake by the lake, won 2 sports championships and nearly a third for the first time since 1954. Earlier this year it looked like Atlanta would break through with the Falcons, however, sports proved that it is never over until it is over, especially when you have a great player like Tom Brady.
Sports brings out the best and the worst in people. The suicide rate increases in Brazil for a couple of weeks every time the soccer team is eliminated before winning the World Cup. The streak is now at 15 years and counting. I used to take losses personally and cheer for teams to lose. Now I cheers good plays and effort on both sides. I have my favourites Liverpool, Australia, University of Manitoba, San Diego Chargers. I also have teams that I take great pride in when they lose Manchester United, New Zealand. I remember seeing a sign at a World Cup rugby game in Melbourne in 2003 between Canada and New Zealand which said. We cheer for two teams Australia and anyone New Zealand is playing against.
I love all aspects of sports. It produces great drama and back stories, unsung heroes emerge, great players shine and under dogs prevail. Unlikely champions often prevail like Leicester City last year in English Football, NC State and Villanova in the 1980's ncaa college basketball, LA Kings 2013 NHL, Greece 2004 Euro's.
That is why I will be watching the final four this evening and cheering for the underdogs or the teams that have never won. Go Gonzaga.
This year in the women's tournament produced the greatest upset of al time. University of Connecticut had won 111 consecutive games until yesterday. Mississippi State beat them 66-64. The streak dated back to 2014 and included a victory by 60 points over the same team at last years tournament.
In my days with the basketball team we lost a lot of games never by more than 30-40 points. I can't even fathom a loss of such magnitude. However, for that team it galvanized and became a rallying point for them ultimately paying off in their victory yesterday.
All streaks do come to an end. The Chicago Cubs won the World Series after 108 years, Detroit Red Wings have failed to qualify for the playoffs for the first time in 27 years. Oregon Ducks are playing today in their first final four in 78 years. Edmonton Oilers are in the playoffs for the first time in 11 years.
Last year the city of Cleveland, often referred to as the mistake by the lake, won 2 sports championships and nearly a third for the first time since 1954. Earlier this year it looked like Atlanta would break through with the Falcons, however, sports proved that it is never over until it is over, especially when you have a great player like Tom Brady.
Sports brings out the best and the worst in people. The suicide rate increases in Brazil for a couple of weeks every time the soccer team is eliminated before winning the World Cup. The streak is now at 15 years and counting. I used to take losses personally and cheer for teams to lose. Now I cheers good plays and effort on both sides. I have my favourites Liverpool, Australia, University of Manitoba, San Diego Chargers. I also have teams that I take great pride in when they lose Manchester United, New Zealand. I remember seeing a sign at a World Cup rugby game in Melbourne in 2003 between Canada and New Zealand which said. We cheer for two teams Australia and anyone New Zealand is playing against.
I love all aspects of sports. It produces great drama and back stories, unsung heroes emerge, great players shine and under dogs prevail. Unlikely champions often prevail like Leicester City last year in English Football, NC State and Villanova in the 1980's ncaa college basketball, LA Kings 2013 NHL, Greece 2004 Euro's.
That is why I will be watching the final four this evening and cheering for the underdogs or the teams that have never won. Go Gonzaga.
Thursday, 23 March 2017
Struggling to Smile
I am sharing with you my story that I share when I speak to high and middle school age classes. It is always extremely rewarding and I come away feeling empowered and very encouraged for the future generations. I wish they had the MILE 5 program when I was going through high school. The students ask informative and engaging questions. Enjoy and I welcome all feedback.
Good day, I stand before you today a 53 yr old middle aged
man who has a great partner, good career in healthcare, wide circle of friends,
interests and hobbies with a positive outlook on life.
However, for most of my life, it wasn’t always this way. I
have been dealing with depression most of my life since my teenage years. I was
undiagnosed until 6 years ago.
One beautiful fall afternoon my partner and I went for a
walk along the Forks riverwalk. She abruptly came to a stop, looked at me
straight in the eyes and said I think you have low grade depression.
Low grade depression, what is that, she explained it to me.
When we got home I looked it up on the internet. The signs and symptoms were
staring at me and it defined me exactly.
My eyes were wide open and the light bulb burned bright
inside my brain. I started looking back at my life and believe that I first
became depressed at age 15.
At this age, I was entering grade XI, my oldest brother had
just gotten married and a week later my parents separated.
On the day my father left, we had lunch together, when we
got home he told me to go to the basement and watch TV, while he went upstairs
to pack a suitcase. The next thing I knew the door shut behind me. I called out
and went and looked. No one was there. My dad left without saying goodbye.
It would be several months before I would see him again. I
felt crushed, hurt, betrayed and started blaming and hating myself. My father
didn’t make this part any easier, he sent letters to my mom, me and my brothers
attempting to explain why he left. The letters came across as if we were to
blame for his leaving. I proceeded not to tell anyone for months. I withdrew
into a world of make believe. I would create stories about my life and my
family that were easy to believe. Lying became the easiest thing to do.
I was not the smartest student in the class and my grades suffered.
I would become disruptive in class when I would go, served a lot of detention.
I started smoking cigarettes which eventually led to harder stuff such as hash
oil and marijuana. One of my saving graces at this time was that cigarettes and
drugs had no effect on me and tasted and smelled bad so this experiment didn’t
last long.
I was escaping trying to be anyone but myself. I tried to
take refuge in sports. I was a marginal soccer player and wanted to play
basketball. Well I didn’t make the team; however, the coach liked my work ethic
and asked me to be the team manager. I relished and embraced this opportunity
it made me feel worthy.
Months went by and I was hanging around the gym and coach
asked me if I had class, no I said I had a spare. Several days went by and he
saw me hanging out, he took me aside and said you don’t have a spare you have
French class. Why are you not attending French class? I had been outed.
I came clean with coach and told him the French teacher
doesn’t like me and favors the girls in the class. He intervened and brokered a
deal for me with the teacher. I would not skip class, participate and do my
best and then I would pass. I held up my end of the bargain and passed French
class.
I confided in him about my family situation and he was very
supportive and continues to be to this day whenever I see him.
Relationships were difficult; I didn’t have a lot of
friends. I wore glasses and had an acne problem which made me very insecure and
shy especially around girls. The girls I really liked were the ones with
boyfriends, some reason I felt comfortable around them knowing that there was
no way a relationship would develop.
For the rest of my high school time, I just went through the
motions. I was unhappy and irritable, swore lots and would become angry at a moment’s
notice. The only joy was basketball and in grade XII the last game I dressed
and played a couple of minutes scoring a basket. My basketball stats read 1
game played 1 for 1 100% shooting 2 points.
After high school I went to university straight away, I had
the opportunity to be the university men’s basketball team manager. This was a
great experience. I spent 5 years and have a lifetime of experiences and
lasting friendships.
A couple of moments stood out; in my first year we had a
Christmas party at the coach’s house. The team gave me a present a shirt and
tie combo. I came to be appreciative of this gift however, at the time I was
resentful and said words that I wished I could take back as soon as they came
out of my mouth. In the New Year I apologized and explained my situation to the
team. Some of the damage lingered. Several months went by and I was hanging
around with some of the team before practice. My teammates told me that I was
trying to hard not to be myself and they didn’t like it. They wanted me to be
me not someone else. You are a good person they told me. They said fake it to
you make it.
Relationships on the home front had somewhat improved. I was
communicating with my father. We found common ground in soccer, current events
and history. My next oldest brother got married and moved away for school.
That left my mom and me
under one roof. We coexisted however it was not easy. She became
dependent on me and me on her. Looking back it was uncomfortable to the outside
world, except I at the time didn’t see it that way. To some extent this was the
same with my brothers who were both off married.
One of the people who saw this was my father, however, even
though we had a better relationship since he left. I didn’t see it until later.
One time while away with him we had a long talk about everything and I started
to see my father in a different light. That maybe it wasn’t totally his fault
for breaking up the family. We would meet regularly for lunches and visits and
phone each other on a regular basis.
In the spring of 2000, I went on a trip to the USA. My
friend bailed out at the last minute and I went by myself. The trip was a
disaster and I was really feeling low. I had never contemplated suicide before;
however, the thought crossed my mind several times during this trip. I thought
here I am in the middle of nowhere. No one would care if I never returned. I
walked around for hours and sat in the dark in my hotel room for most of the
day.
What stopped me, the TV was on in the hotel room. CNN was
showing live coverage of the reunion between a little boy and his father. I
reached out to my father.
They say bad things happen in threes, well 2005-2006 proved
that is the case. My father who I had become very close to dropped dead, 4
months later my best friend was diagnosed with cancer. I let myself go in
grieve and ballooned to 230 lbs, as a result I developed type 2 diabetes.
I made lifestyle changes, ate better, exercised regularly
and lost 30 lbs. My depression had stabilized and then within 2 weeks in 2008
my best friend succumbed to cancer and the women I was seeing ended our
relationship.
This time I reached out to employee assistance and saw a
counselor for several months. When I picked up the phone to call, they wanted
to see me right away. They could hear the desperation, anxiety in my voice.
People come in and out of our lives at certain times for
certain reasons. In 2010, a friend at the time suggested to my girlfriend
before she became my girlfriend what about Andrew. He has his demons; however,
he has a heart of gold.
I am glad she followed her heart and accepted my email
request to a date. We complete each other. I am now engaged to her with a destination wedding planned for 2018. After her diagnosis on that walk, I
proceeded to find out everything about mental illness and depression.
A year and a half later I saw a psychologist who helped me
understand and deal with my depression. I have my EAP counselor on speed dial for whenever I need to see him. I changed my lifestyle, cleaned up my act, and developed a positive
support network. I am very open about my depression and have been on medication for almost 2 years. I volunteer with
Canadian Mental Health Association Manitoba/Winnipeg region. I have a
blog about depression.
I deal with my depression every day. Some days are better
than others. I now recognize the signs and symptoms that hopefully will prevent
me from going into a major depressive state. If you are knocked down, just get
back up because life has many chapters; one bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the
end of the book.
Thank you.
Wednesday, 15 March 2017
March Madness
My interest in the annual NCAA men's basketball tournament started in 1978 with final from the Checkerdome in St. Louis when Jack Givens scored 41 points as Kentucky beat Duke to win the championship. I became a fan for life. The annual 3 week ritual affectionately known as March Madness has been turned into a holiday for me. Every year I take the Thurs and Fri off to watch 12-15 hours of basketball.
My bucket list goal is to go to a first and second round site and indulge in the atmosphere of the moment. I will reach this goal within the next 3 years. For the last 17 years I have been filling out my brackets and hoping like everyone else that by Thursday night they haven't been totally busted. About 10 years ago I finished in the top 1,000 on ESPN bracket challenge. The challenge where millions of entries are submitted each year.
Let's back up a bit, my love of basketball started in 1978 with that championship game and I was cut from the high school basketball team. The coach asked me to be his student manager. I was the manager for 2 years and subsequently the university basketball teams manager for 5 years.
In those days I took losses personally. I would slam doors, bang basketballs against walls, throw water bottles. I let my emotions get the better of me. Even watching the games on TV I would yell at the screen, swear at the refs. You did not want to be around me when I was watching a game back then. Now I enjoy the game root for the underdog and applaud good plays on both teams
A lifetime of lasting memories and lifetime friendships was the best part about being involved with those teams. Thirty-two years ago, our team made the national final four. We were treated like rock stars, I as the team manager was even signing autographs for the kids after practice. We lost the semi final game, however, won the 3rd place game. We completed the greatest year to year turn around in Canadian history.
The reason why I love the game is the fraternity, brotherhood that you gain from your teammates, opponents. Even years later you run into a former teammate, opponent, ref or coach and you pick up the stories, the friendship the games the rivalry like it was yesterday. Not only this, you can talk to anyone in the world about March madness. It binds us all together. Everyone will have a different view, a different favorite team, a different way to fill out a bracket. That is the essence of March madness. This years tournament will be no different. My favorite team is Kentucky however, this year my allegiance is summed up in 2 words Go Zags.
My bucket list goal is to go to a first and second round site and indulge in the atmosphere of the moment. I will reach this goal within the next 3 years. For the last 17 years I have been filling out my brackets and hoping like everyone else that by Thursday night they haven't been totally busted. About 10 years ago I finished in the top 1,000 on ESPN bracket challenge. The challenge where millions of entries are submitted each year.
Let's back up a bit, my love of basketball started in 1978 with that championship game and I was cut from the high school basketball team. The coach asked me to be his student manager. I was the manager for 2 years and subsequently the university basketball teams manager for 5 years.
In those days I took losses personally. I would slam doors, bang basketballs against walls, throw water bottles. I let my emotions get the better of me. Even watching the games on TV I would yell at the screen, swear at the refs. You did not want to be around me when I was watching a game back then. Now I enjoy the game root for the underdog and applaud good plays on both teams
A lifetime of lasting memories and lifetime friendships was the best part about being involved with those teams. Thirty-two years ago, our team made the national final four. We were treated like rock stars, I as the team manager was even signing autographs for the kids after practice. We lost the semi final game, however, won the 3rd place game. We completed the greatest year to year turn around in Canadian history.
The reason why I love the game is the fraternity, brotherhood that you gain from your teammates, opponents. Even years later you run into a former teammate, opponent, ref or coach and you pick up the stories, the friendship the games the rivalry like it was yesterday. Not only this, you can talk to anyone in the world about March madness. It binds us all together. Everyone will have a different view, a different favorite team, a different way to fill out a bracket. That is the essence of March madness. This years tournament will be no different. My favorite team is Kentucky however, this year my allegiance is summed up in 2 words Go Zags.
Tuesday, 14 March 2017
Change is the One Constant
As I grow older, I notice that my body is changing. One of the things I have noticed is that my body has become lactose sensitive. I say lactose sensitive because I am not quite ready to admit that I may be lactose intolerant.
Most nights I come home and enjoy a nice glass of milk in the evening. I am starting to accept the fact that these days are over. This change is hard on me.
In the past, when change happened, I would fight against it. I would become angry at the world mostly myself. My anger turned inward exasperating my depression. Since change is a constant, this became a vicious cycle.
Today, I am concentrating on things that are positive in my life. I have a lot to be grateful for. My health is overall very good. I will more confident now than I have been in my 53 years. I have a strong support network that includes a wonderful partner and a one year old grandson.
Overall I feel healthy, confident, self assured and not 53 years old.
Changes are hard, but they are inevitable. When changes would occur in the past I reacted negatively and lashed out. I took change personally. I would stew, fester and let the situation linger. I would try to illicit sympathy when none was warranted. And for what. It just got me worked up for no reason.
It is not what happens to you it is how you react to it.
Now I am more willing to accept change to look at it from the positive. To embrace change, even though changes are difficult. The easier change is accepted the better the outcome will be. I focus on what I can control and I leave what I can not control to fate.
Most nights I come home and enjoy a nice glass of milk in the evening. I am starting to accept the fact that these days are over. This change is hard on me.
In the past, when change happened, I would fight against it. I would become angry at the world mostly myself. My anger turned inward exasperating my depression. Since change is a constant, this became a vicious cycle.
Today, I am concentrating on things that are positive in my life. I have a lot to be grateful for. My health is overall very good. I will more confident now than I have been in my 53 years. I have a strong support network that includes a wonderful partner and a one year old grandson.
Overall I feel healthy, confident, self assured and not 53 years old.
Changes are hard, but they are inevitable. When changes would occur in the past I reacted negatively and lashed out. I took change personally. I would stew, fester and let the situation linger. I would try to illicit sympathy when none was warranted. And for what. It just got me worked up for no reason.
It is not what happens to you it is how you react to it.
Now I am more willing to accept change to look at it from the positive. To embrace change, even though changes are difficult. The easier change is accepted the better the outcome will be. I focus on what I can control and I leave what I can not control to fate.
Wednesday, 8 March 2017
Grasping At Straws
As a proud Canadian, I have been following the gong show that is occurring in the United States. A once proud nation is being brought to its knees by an egomaniac, buffoon, blowhard dictator. He has only been in office for 6 plus weeks and already he has done more damage to the country than all other Presidents combined. His slogan Make America Great Again is farcical.
It is affecting my mental health, in a world surrounded by negativity, I have made every effort to stay as positive as possible. To see the good in myself and those around me and not be brought down to his level.
It is affecting my mental health, in a world surrounded by negativity, I have made every effort to stay as positive as possible. To see the good in myself and those around me and not be brought down to his level.
The scary part is how all the other Republicans are just blindly following likes lemmings going over a cliff. At the top of the list is the weasel Paul Ryan, had tough talk last year during the campaign and now is complicit in the undoing of America. From the travel ban to insisting on building a wall at the Mexican border. Does he not realize that America was built on immigrants coming to the country. In fact his own parents are immigrants. Did he forget this fact? No wonder there are daily illegal crossings of US immigrants into Canada.
The last straw is his insistence that President Obama tapped his phones at Trump tower. Of course he just spouts this without any substance. The mark of a desperate man who is unraveling and proving that he is not in the least qualified to be President.
Mr Obama, was a shining example of positivity. Everyone around him was taking pot shots at him especially the media and the Republicans and yet all he did was take the high road and concentrate on doing what was right for all the people of America.
If President Clinton can be impeached, only to be acquitted, for perjury and obstruction of justice than it will only be a matter of time before Trump is meeting the same fate. All we need is a voice of reason to step forward. The voice of reason usually comes from the unlikeliest of sources.
1998, remember Larry Flynt, who offered any female 1 million dollars to come forward with a tale of extra marital liaisons with any Republican. Well he did pay a sum of money to one of Bob Barr's ex wife's. Bob Barr was one of the lead Republicans heading up the impeachment. The Senate house leader Bob Livingston abruptly resigned before his extra marital affair came to light.
Maybe through my constant promotion of good mental health and being positive I can be that voice of reason.
America is a great country, I enjoy visiting and will continue to visit. However, you need a leader who shows leadership by inclusion and not exclusion. A leader for all the people not select groups. A leader who can accept criticism and not run to Twitter every time someone speaks negatively of him.
I speak for all of us in saying if the heat in the kitchen is too hot than get out and allow us all to have good mental health. Because right now we are all grasping at straws trying to stay positive.
Mr Obama, was a shining example of positivity. Everyone around him was taking pot shots at him especially the media and the Republicans and yet all he did was take the high road and concentrate on doing what was right for all the people of America.
If President Clinton can be impeached, only to be acquitted, for perjury and obstruction of justice than it will only be a matter of time before Trump is meeting the same fate. All we need is a voice of reason to step forward. The voice of reason usually comes from the unlikeliest of sources.
1998, remember Larry Flynt, who offered any female 1 million dollars to come forward with a tale of extra marital liaisons with any Republican. Well he did pay a sum of money to one of Bob Barr's ex wife's. Bob Barr was one of the lead Republicans heading up the impeachment. The Senate house leader Bob Livingston abruptly resigned before his extra marital affair came to light.
Maybe through my constant promotion of good mental health and being positive I can be that voice of reason.
America is a great country, I enjoy visiting and will continue to visit. However, you need a leader who shows leadership by inclusion and not exclusion. A leader for all the people not select groups. A leader who can accept criticism and not run to Twitter every time someone speaks negatively of him.
I speak for all of us in saying if the heat in the kitchen is too hot than get out and allow us all to have good mental health. Because right now we are all grasping at straws trying to stay positive.
Monday, 6 March 2017
A Year Older...
Last week was my birthday and I turned 53. In some circles I can qualify for the senior's discount. I do feel anywhere near 53. I feel closer to 40. I am in good physical health, carrying a few extra pounds. Who isn't these days.
Mentally and emotionally I feel the best I have ever been. Life is pretty good. Since the start of 2017 I have become engaged and won a major volunteer award for soccer. I continue to find ways to promote good mental health and improve relationships with my family, friends and work peers.
My fiancée and I have set some lofty goals for this year and a little over 2 months into the year we are ahead on our goals. A promising start and in the past I would have rested on my laurels and been satisfied with the accomplishments so far. I am determined to se the goals through to the finish.
What has changed, well I am more confident, self assured and more positive. After being a notorious night owl. I am listening to my body and going to bed earlier and getting more sleep. This has allowed me to have more energy and ready to tackle whatever challenges I am presented with.
Even though I am healthier and happier, I know I have to remain vigilant to prevent myself from slipping. I know those moments will come and when they do come they will not be as severe and low as in the past.
Sunday, 26 February 2017
What a Difference a Day Makes
A couple of weeks ago, I had a very bad day at work. One of my co-workers did not accept responsibility for an error which we both had a hand in creating. The error ended up being insignificant in terms of service provided. That is not the point, the tone and inflection used is the point.
All the co-worker had to do was accept responsibility for their actions. Instead, I was thrown off course for the next several hours. The attitude towards me affected me for the rest of the day. I know I had a choice to not let it affect me. However, this is easier said than done. Someone said shake it off, again easier said than done.
I am getting better at dealing with rough patches and still have a ways to go. When something goes wrong or upsets me like this situation I do get rattled and take awhile to dust myself off and get back in the saddle again. By the evening, I was back to regular.
The next day around 10 in the morning received a phone call indicating I had won an award a volunteer award for the local soccer association. I was deeply honoured and touched. For the next several hours I didn't tell anyone because I wanted my fiancée to be the first person I told and she was in a meeting until mid afternoon. I almost spilled the beans when a colleague asked why I was all smiles. She finally texted me, I asked her to call me. She was so happy for me. I was so happy for me. Everyone I told had the same reactions. The rest of the weekend I walked around on cloud nine letting it sink in.
I volunteer because it is fun, meaningful and a chance to give back and share. It is a passion and a love. The minute a volunteer situation stops being fun, that is the time to move on and try something different.
Sometimes a new day makes all the difference in one's attitude and outlook.
All the co-worker had to do was accept responsibility for their actions. Instead, I was thrown off course for the next several hours. The attitude towards me affected me for the rest of the day. I know I had a choice to not let it affect me. However, this is easier said than done. Someone said shake it off, again easier said than done.
I am getting better at dealing with rough patches and still have a ways to go. When something goes wrong or upsets me like this situation I do get rattled and take awhile to dust myself off and get back in the saddle again. By the evening, I was back to regular.
The next day around 10 in the morning received a phone call indicating I had won an award a volunteer award for the local soccer association. I was deeply honoured and touched. For the next several hours I didn't tell anyone because I wanted my fiancée to be the first person I told and she was in a meeting until mid afternoon. I almost spilled the beans when a colleague asked why I was all smiles. She finally texted me, I asked her to call me. She was so happy for me. I was so happy for me. Everyone I told had the same reactions. The rest of the weekend I walked around on cloud nine letting it sink in.
I volunteer because it is fun, meaningful and a chance to give back and share. It is a passion and a love. The minute a volunteer situation stops being fun, that is the time to move on and try something different.
Sometimes a new day makes all the difference in one's attitude and outlook.
Tuesday, 21 February 2017
How Easy for Mental Health to Waiver.
This month my mental health has waivered and taken a hit. The month started with a fight with my fiancée over the most trivial of matters. My appointment with my counsellor was cancelled at the last minute. I was looking forward to it.
This afforded me the opportunity to see a client. A client I had trepidation over seeing and it turned out to be much ado about nothing.
Before I saw the client I met my fiancée and her best friend after work. I was moody and temperamental and let it show. It left a bad taste in all our mouths. I apologized profusely to both of them.
I allow myself to let the little things get the better of me and it can affect me in such a negative way that I either take it out on myself or those closest to me.
My fiancée didn't need the added stress. She was preparing for surgery and was in constant pain. I do not like seeing her this way. I felt helpless and wanted to help. Instead I ended up being no help what so ever. The help I offered was not what she wanted.
I can't imagine the pain she was in. It was painful to watch and be around. I wanted to transfer her pain to mine, however, I didn't want that to happen. The surgery was delayed once and I didn't want another delay.
The fear of the unknown was driving me. I know it was routine surgery, however, any surgery is still not routine. I wanted to be there every step of the way and yet I didn't.
One of the nurses I worked with in the days leading up to the surgery asked me how I was. I answered I am depressed and worried about Shelley's surgery. She said you hide it well. I had a smile on my face. Some days I hide it and other days I embrace it. Yet other days I let it show. The it is my depression. The depression I deal with everyday, taking the good with the bad and the neutral.
Thankfully, the surgery was a success. I was on tender hooks all morning waiting for the call. It came at 11:20 three and a half hours after surgery. Recovery will be a struggle and I intend to be there every step of the way. Whatever journey that takes us. I know we will get through this. We have already had one interaction where she said I was acting like her ex husband. That hurt and it got my attention. I refuse to be selfish.
Thursday, 26 January 2017
Let's Talk and Keep Talking
Yesterday in Canada was Bell Let's Talk day. A national fundraising and awareness building for mental health by Bell Media. It raised over 6 million dollars. In their campaign they use Olympic champion Clara Hughes and comedian Howie Mandel. They share their stories of dealing with mental health.
It is a good idea, however, why just one day, why not every day or at least every day in January. In order to eliminate the stigma of mental health it needs action and talk every day. For me I have embraced my depression and talk about it every day.
Before I was diagnosed I was angry, irritable, moody and powerless. Post diagnosis I have become positive and powerful.
The other day I was leading a group discussion at an evening workshop on mental health. We were talking about the resources available to people dealing with mental health issues. We do not have enough resources and the waiting lists are long. When this happens people fall through the cracks. The system is overworked and fraught with holes.
They say it takes a village to raise a child. One in five people deal with mental health issues. A community grassroots approach is needed. Communities like churches, community centres and schools need to take the lead to create safe havens for people to come together to talk, do and support each other.
For me, I was trapped by the stigma of mental illness. I was like many people are cognizant that deep down something was wrong, however, I was too afraid to explore it. I was ashamed of admitting for fear of being labeled.
Yet ironically, once I was diagnosed I started to embrace my depression it became a freeing experience. I feel I am living prove of Let's Talk.
Once I started sharing, I connected with many people and realized that I had nothing to be afraid of and I was not alone. I began to have deeper relationships with people who before I only had superficial ones. The more I talked and listened I heard powerful stories of people supporting each other. I also heard tragedies of people reaching out and unable to get the help they sought.
I will continue to talk every day. This is a life long journey and you never know when someone needs to hear that they are never alone. I am always a work in progress, sometimes I also need a little extra support. In the beginning, talking was risky, now it is both freeing and rewarding.
It is a good idea, however, why just one day, why not every day or at least every day in January. In order to eliminate the stigma of mental health it needs action and talk every day. For me I have embraced my depression and talk about it every day.
Before I was diagnosed I was angry, irritable, moody and powerless. Post diagnosis I have become positive and powerful.
The other day I was leading a group discussion at an evening workshop on mental health. We were talking about the resources available to people dealing with mental health issues. We do not have enough resources and the waiting lists are long. When this happens people fall through the cracks. The system is overworked and fraught with holes.
They say it takes a village to raise a child. One in five people deal with mental health issues. A community grassroots approach is needed. Communities like churches, community centres and schools need to take the lead to create safe havens for people to come together to talk, do and support each other.
For me, I was trapped by the stigma of mental illness. I was like many people are cognizant that deep down something was wrong, however, I was too afraid to explore it. I was ashamed of admitting for fear of being labeled.
Yet ironically, once I was diagnosed I started to embrace my depression it became a freeing experience. I feel I am living prove of Let's Talk.
Once I started sharing, I connected with many people and realized that I had nothing to be afraid of and I was not alone. I began to have deeper relationships with people who before I only had superficial ones. The more I talked and listened I heard powerful stories of people supporting each other. I also heard tragedies of people reaching out and unable to get the help they sought.
I will continue to talk every day. This is a life long journey and you never know when someone needs to hear that they are never alone. I am always a work in progress, sometimes I also need a little extra support. In the beginning, talking was risky, now it is both freeing and rewarding.
Saturday, 14 January 2017
Taking the Plunge
2017 has started with a bang, I proposed to my partner of 6 and a half years. She said yes.
I was confident of her positive response. In true Shelley fashion, she milked the situation by having an awkward silence of about 20 seconds.
I got down on one knee and presented the ring saying how much she means to me and how far we have grown together. How far we will go together. I love her very much and we complete each other. Shelley is my rock, keeps me grounded, provides inspiration and is not afraid to kick me in my ass when I need it.
Most of my friends had an inkling this moment was coming and are very excited for the 2 of us. One of my social media friends said it was my best move in years. I have been calling Shelley my fiancé and we both have smiles on our faces. I think she is more excited for me as it is my first marriage (second engagement) and her second marriage.
One of my work friends said " well you are no longer on the market" I have not considered myself in the market even when I was single. You see for the longest time I was shy and reserved and had trouble communicating with women. Strong women I found myself intimidated by and had a hard time relating and interacting with them.
I was not a player, didn't have many girlfriends 7 in total before Shelley. I have had a few dalliances and 2 one night stands. Around women I wad always full of hope and ended up trying to hard to impress that I would screw it up. I had many first dates, a few second dates and 7 girlfriends. Shelley has been my longest relationship.
So yes I was not in the market, I was on the periphery of the market. Everything changed when I met Shelley and more importantly after I came in touch and diagnosed with my depression.
I began to understand and recognize how messed up I was. Another work friend said " she has not seen me happier and confident than at this time in my life". A third work friend said " I am glad to know you, you are a great guy Andrew".
In the past, I would have dismissed compliments and done everything to negate the compliment. Now I am accepting of compliments. It is true, what you put out people see and you get back.
I am loving life right now and accepting of how life affects me and how I affect other people.
I was confident of her positive response. In true Shelley fashion, she milked the situation by having an awkward silence of about 20 seconds.
I got down on one knee and presented the ring saying how much she means to me and how far we have grown together. How far we will go together. I love her very much and we complete each other. Shelley is my rock, keeps me grounded, provides inspiration and is not afraid to kick me in my ass when I need it.
Most of my friends had an inkling this moment was coming and are very excited for the 2 of us. One of my social media friends said it was my best move in years. I have been calling Shelley my fiancé and we both have smiles on our faces. I think she is more excited for me as it is my first marriage (second engagement) and her second marriage.
One of my work friends said " well you are no longer on the market" I have not considered myself in the market even when I was single. You see for the longest time I was shy and reserved and had trouble communicating with women. Strong women I found myself intimidated by and had a hard time relating and interacting with them.
I was not a player, didn't have many girlfriends 7 in total before Shelley. I have had a few dalliances and 2 one night stands. Around women I wad always full of hope and ended up trying to hard to impress that I would screw it up. I had many first dates, a few second dates and 7 girlfriends. Shelley has been my longest relationship.
So yes I was not in the market, I was on the periphery of the market. Everything changed when I met Shelley and more importantly after I came in touch and diagnosed with my depression.
I began to understand and recognize how messed up I was. Another work friend said " she has not seen me happier and confident than at this time in my life". A third work friend said " I am glad to know you, you are a great guy Andrew".
In the past, I would have dismissed compliments and done everything to negate the compliment. Now I am accepting of compliments. It is true, what you put out people see and you get back.
I am loving life right now and accepting of how life affects me and how I affect other people.
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