Here in Canada tomorrow is Bell Let's Talk Day. It is a day of national awareness, education and fundraising for mental health by Canada's largest telecom provider. They will donate 5 cents from every text message sent on this day to mental health agencies across Canada.
Their ad campaign has been running all month showing employees talking and sharing about mental health with fellow employees and their managers. I commend Bell for this initiative however, it is only one day. People like myself, deal with mental health issues every day. It is an everyday and everyone issue. Mental health needs the resources of companies not just for one day of the year, however, for every day of the year.
I recently took 2 weeks off for mental health me time. It was refreshing, restorative and reflective. I am also glad that I had the support of my employer to allow me to do this.
I had never done this before, circumstances over the last month led me to that decision. In telling people I was amazed and humbled at the support I received.
Tomorrow and the days that follow think about the millions of people who are dealing with mental health issues every day and continue to offer support, to be positive and kind and walk a mile in some one else's shoes. We all have a story to share. Allow the people to share their story. Healing comes from sharing. Sharing scatters seeds and creates abundance.
So let's talk not just tomorrow, however, everyday of the year and every year.
Tuesday, 29 January 2019
Sunday, 27 January 2019
No Matter How Cold Outside, My Heart Is Warm on the Inside
One of our Sunday evening rituals is watching 60 Minutes. Tonight 2 great stories stood out. The first Howard Schultz former CEO Starbucks strongly considering running for President in 2020. He would not be running for either the Democrats or Republicans, however as an independent with a centrist viewpoint. Of course some of the 20 declared Democrats have said he would siphon votes from them and create an easy repeat victory for the Orange Menace.
Good for him putting himself forward as a valuable and viable alternative. I believe that more famous people will enter the race. How about Michael Bloomberg, Dwayne Rock Johnson with sidekick Tom Hanks. Don't be surprised if some Republicans challenge the Orange Menace for the nomination. He will go down as the worst President ever, if he even survives till next year.
The other story was about a Michigan couple with a savvy for basic math who outsmarted 2 state lotteries and won millions all legally. They are still living modest lives and paid for their children and grandchildren tuition. Good for them. They created abundance and scattered their seeds for so many to benefit.
My theme for this year is to create abundance. This past week has shown that putting it out there you receive it back. Abundance comes in many forms. Right now I am experiencing an abundance of love and positive energy.
Last Thursday I had another great day sharing my story to 2 grade seven classes. The students ask great questions and have great comments. One of questions was about how did my partner know I had depression before I knew it. She is a social worker with awesome assessment skills. The other thing is that karma is either a curse/blessing and what you show is what people see. I was presenting a depressive aura which was easy to detect. I didn't see it though.
Another question was can you be cured from depression. In my opinion, the short answer is no. I believe you learn to deal with depression so that it doesn't drag you deeper. I still have depressive moments, days etc, however, they are not as long as they used to be. In the past they could last for weeks. I enjoyed wallowing in self pity. Now I am aware of my core emotions and triggers and my network is also aware when I start having them affect me. My sweetie is the first to notice and react.
We have had a great weekend staying inside and restoring and recovering. We are also reminiscing about our wonderful cruise experience last year. Fresh air is a positive stimulant as is fresh outlook.
Be kind and be positive so you can scatter seeds and share abundance.
Good for him putting himself forward as a valuable and viable alternative. I believe that more famous people will enter the race. How about Michael Bloomberg, Dwayne Rock Johnson with sidekick Tom Hanks. Don't be surprised if some Republicans challenge the Orange Menace for the nomination. He will go down as the worst President ever, if he even survives till next year.
The other story was about a Michigan couple with a savvy for basic math who outsmarted 2 state lotteries and won millions all legally. They are still living modest lives and paid for their children and grandchildren tuition. Good for them. They created abundance and scattered their seeds for so many to benefit.
My theme for this year is to create abundance. This past week has shown that putting it out there you receive it back. Abundance comes in many forms. Right now I am experiencing an abundance of love and positive energy.
Last Thursday I had another great day sharing my story to 2 grade seven classes. The students ask great questions and have great comments. One of questions was about how did my partner know I had depression before I knew it. She is a social worker with awesome assessment skills. The other thing is that karma is either a curse/blessing and what you show is what people see. I was presenting a depressive aura which was easy to detect. I didn't see it though.
Another question was can you be cured from depression. In my opinion, the short answer is no. I believe you learn to deal with depression so that it doesn't drag you deeper. I still have depressive moments, days etc, however, they are not as long as they used to be. In the past they could last for weeks. I enjoyed wallowing in self pity. Now I am aware of my core emotions and triggers and my network is also aware when I start having them affect me. My sweetie is the first to notice and react.
We have had a great weekend staying inside and restoring and recovering. We are also reminiscing about our wonderful cruise experience last year. Fresh air is a positive stimulant as is fresh outlook.
Be kind and be positive so you can scatter seeds and share abundance.
Sunday, 20 January 2019
Abundance and Gratitude
I am going back to work tomorrow after being off for two weeks for me and my mental health. My sweetie asked if I am ready. I said yes. Am I nervous and apprehensive you bet.
Some of the questions going through my mind are what shape will my caseload be in? How will my coworkers react to having me back? How will the manager be towards me? Am I ready?
It has been a good two weeks focusing on me. Had EAP, group session at Mood Disorders, coffee with good friends. Chance meeting with Dawn. Played poker several times and won twice. Did some blogging, resting, reflection. Shared my story at a middle school for two classes. Supportive of Shelley and all she does.
Take aways for me are that I am loved and supported. I am strong, kind, positive and give of my time to support and help others. I am grateful for so much in this world and in my life. I am grateful for my sweetie Shelley. I don’t give her enough credit for everything she does. I am grateful for our grandson Ollie who has taught me so many life lessons. He gives and wants love. Ollie hugs are the best. Even when he is not with us physically we talk to him and act like he is with us. I am grateful for my career in healthcare and the support from my staff and colleagues. I am grateful for the many friends who have reached out to offer support. I am also grateful that Shelley’s children are cutting their own niche in life and are contributing positively to society. I value and appreciate you all.
I have learned to appreciate my life is full of abundance and gratitude. This took awhile for me to come around.
I have learned to appreciate my life is full of abundance and gratitude. This took awhile for me to come around.
My life is full. I have an abundance of friends, activities, interests that are varied and different. It is still a work in progress. My mental health took a hit over the last 4 weeks. I am more aware of the signs, symptoms and triggers.
Triggers for me are my fears. Fear of the unknown, fear of money (being a slave to it) putting too much emphasis on what I don’t have. Learning to sacrifice. Placing Shelley and my life a priority. Doing what is right and positive. Learning to think before I act/speak. Stand up to people who don’t treat us properly. Create boundaries with people who are negative, narcissistic and toxic.
Be kind, be positive, be alive and active. Live from abundance and gratitude. All easier said than done. I am flawed and a work in progress. I am enjoying my life warts and all.
Be kind, be positive, be alive and active. Live from abundance and gratitude. All easier said than done. I am flawed and a work in progress. I am enjoying my life warts and all.
Tuesday, 15 January 2019
Listen to Your Body
Yesterday was not a good day. I had no energy and no motivation. All I wanted to do was stay in and do nothing. So that is what I did. I was listening to my body and it told me to I was tired. Tired emotionally, physically and mentally. It was a kick in the pants day.
That is the funny thing about depression. Some days and sometimes you just can’t explain it. You just have to listen to your body. The thing with me is that I wouldn’t and just make an effort to power through it. The problem is at what cost am I doing this. I have been off work for over a week and I can tell you if I powered through it the choice to be off might not have been mine.
This way I am working to get my strength mentally, emotionally and physically back. If you don’t listen to the signs depression can grab hold and take you down to a dark hole that is hard to escape from. I have been there and what did it get me. I have fought and crawled my way back from that dark place.
I would be angry, withdrawn, irritable. Sometimes for weeks on end. I refuse to address it. I had stigma about reaching out and getting help. I told myself I was okay. I was not and didn’t realize. The sad part is other people saw it. Some people reached out. I was the horse being led to water, only I didn’t drink the water. I would turn around and go back to where it was safest. This was not the healthiest place but it was safe for me. I knew what to expect even if I didn’t like it.
All of this changed eight years ago when Shelley walked into my life and got me to see the real me. The real me was one who was depressed, angry, irritable and withdrawal. She got me to face my demons, address my depression and turn my life around. Since her intervention, I have turned my life around become open with my depression.
I started listening to my body, understanding the signs my body was telling me. Like when I am tired go to bed, when I am tired rest. To understand that there are some people and forces who are out there to create drama in my life and how to deal with it. I am indebited to Shelley for being there for me. The lessons I have learned and continue to learn are shaping a bright future. It also helps to have an incredible amazing grandson who continues to teach lessons to me.
Continue listening to the body. Be positive be kind and be authentic. I am working on all these aspects. Days like yesterday will continue to happen. They need to be acknowledged and do what you can to get through the day. I am feeling significantly better than yesterday
I am working on leading my depression and leading with gratitude.
That is the funny thing about depression. Some days and sometimes you just can’t explain it. You just have to listen to your body. The thing with me is that I wouldn’t and just make an effort to power through it. The problem is at what cost am I doing this. I have been off work for over a week and I can tell you if I powered through it the choice to be off might not have been mine.
This way I am working to get my strength mentally, emotionally and physically back. If you don’t listen to the signs depression can grab hold and take you down to a dark hole that is hard to escape from. I have been there and what did it get me. I have fought and crawled my way back from that dark place.
I would be angry, withdrawn, irritable. Sometimes for weeks on end. I refuse to address it. I had stigma about reaching out and getting help. I told myself I was okay. I was not and didn’t realize. The sad part is other people saw it. Some people reached out. I was the horse being led to water, only I didn’t drink the water. I would turn around and go back to where it was safest. This was not the healthiest place but it was safe for me. I knew what to expect even if I didn’t like it.
All of this changed eight years ago when Shelley walked into my life and got me to see the real me. The real me was one who was depressed, angry, irritable and withdrawal. She got me to face my demons, address my depression and turn my life around. Since her intervention, I have turned my life around become open with my depression.
I started listening to my body, understanding the signs my body was telling me. Like when I am tired go to bed, when I am tired rest. To understand that there are some people and forces who are out there to create drama in my life and how to deal with it. I am indebited to Shelley for being there for me. The lessons I have learned and continue to learn are shaping a bright future. It also helps to have an incredible amazing grandson who continues to teach lessons to me.
Continue listening to the body. Be positive be kind and be authentic. I am working on all these aspects. Days like yesterday will continue to happen. They need to be acknowledged and do what you can to get through the day. I am feeling significantly better than yesterday
I am working on leading my depression and leading with gratitude.
Saturday, 12 January 2019
Dawn of a new era: The Journey Continues. The Struggle Is Real
Dawn of a new era: The Journey Continues. The Struggle Is Real: It has been 1 week since I went to my NP to ask for time off work. I asked for two weeks off, she wanted me to have 3. She could see how muc...
The Journey Continues. The Struggle Is Real
It has been 1 week since I went to my NP to ask for time off work. I asked for two weeks off, she wanted me to have 3. She could see how much mental anguish I was in. I felt so bad for taking the time off work that I went in on the Monday to try to do what I could to make it easier for whoever was covering for me.
The journey continues. More to come.
My colleagues could see that I was hurting and were very supportive. I supervise 6 HCAs and there is this aura of a supervisor to have it all put together. Who’s kidding who. I don’t have it all put together. I can fake it with the best of them. One of my newer HCA’s said you better come back or I will transfer out of the department.
I have slept in every morning. Today was the first day I woke up without my head feeling foggy or heavy. It is hard to remember which day it is. I am working on getting better. I am struggling, stirring up emotions both positive and negative. At one minte I feel antsy to do something and the next minute I feel calm and still. Kind of like our apartment, one minute hot the next cold.
I am struggling with this entry because I struggle with everything right now. My sweetie has been an immense support. My support network has reached out to me. I have gone to EAP. I have gone to a group at Mood Disorders. The people I was hoping would reach out to me haven’t and that hurts and that is what I am struggling with.
Wednesday, 9 January 2019
Day 1 Is In The Books
Day 1 of self care recovery is in the books. Overall it was a good day. Spent the morning and afternoon grocery shopping, laundry and reading. Last evening I had my EAP appt. it is always a good session. I have connected with my counsellor.
I shared with him what was happening and he commended me for taking the time to do self care and work on getting myself better. I shared what has been happening with me. We ended up doing a role play where I was asked how to deal with the same situation. It was very refreshing and reaffirming to hear me share my insights into my own situation. It gave me insight and strength on how to proceed with my own situation.
The other positives from day 1 were the love and support from my sweetie knows no bounds. We are totally and wholly in love with each other. My network reached out to me and have coffee appointments with several of them to look forward.
My sweetie has a morning ritual of watching The View. In today's show Terry Crews was sharing his story. One of the take home messages is that we cannot heal without concession. He is a survivor and recognizes that all the male bravado is all hot air. Males are not more important, males are not superior. The notion of male privilege does not exist. Women are more emotionally intelligent than men. Men can be emotional and it is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.
Life is so short, take the time to heal, be kind, choose your words carefully and enjoy the view. The view of life. Sometimes the view will be cloudy, foggy, rainy, snowy and sunny. Whatever the view is we can make the most out of our day.
It seems that I have too much going on to focus on just one thing. I am hoping over the next two weeks to listen to the universe to be able to focus on what I need to focus on. Either way Day 1 is in the book and day 2 is here.
I shared with him what was happening and he commended me for taking the time to do self care and work on getting myself better. I shared what has been happening with me. We ended up doing a role play where I was asked how to deal with the same situation. It was very refreshing and reaffirming to hear me share my insights into my own situation. It gave me insight and strength on how to proceed with my own situation.
The other positives from day 1 were the love and support from my sweetie knows no bounds. We are totally and wholly in love with each other. My network reached out to me and have coffee appointments with several of them to look forward.
My sweetie has a morning ritual of watching The View. In today's show Terry Crews was sharing his story. One of the take home messages is that we cannot heal without concession. He is a survivor and recognizes that all the male bravado is all hot air. Males are not more important, males are not superior. The notion of male privilege does not exist. Women are more emotionally intelligent than men. Men can be emotional and it is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.
Life is so short, take the time to heal, be kind, choose your words carefully and enjoy the view. The view of life. Sometimes the view will be cloudy, foggy, rainy, snowy and sunny. Whatever the view is we can make the most out of our day.
It seems that I have too much going on to focus on just one thing. I am hoping over the next two weeks to listen to the universe to be able to focus on what I need to focus on. Either way Day 1 is in the book and day 2 is here.
Tuesday, 8 January 2019
Moving From Illness to Wellness
The last couple of weeks have taken a huge toll on my mental health. It has lead me down a path to a deep place. I was not concentrating, coping. I would make stupid mistakes and having trouble processing information.
I put in a call to my EAP counsellor, I am seeing him tonight. I also made an appointment with my Nurse Practitioner could only get in at the end of the month. I saw her on the weekend when she was working walk in clinic.
I made the decision after discussion with my sweetie and NP to take some time of work. Two weeks starting today. I have a plan to prevent me from going deeper. This includes counselling, group discussions, meeting with my positive support network. Exercise, since the beginning of the year I am tracking my steps.
This is uncharted territory for me. A necessary resource for me at this time. My mental health and wellness is important. I have a two year old grandson who means the world to me. I don't want him to struggle the way I have. I want to be that positive male role model in his life. I also don't want him to see me like this. Just thinking about him puts a smile on my face and a warmth in my heart.
It is also January which means Bell let's talk month here in Canada promoting awareness about mental health. Good for Bell for doing this. I want more companies to step up and recognize what an issue mental health is. I was talking to a friend last night who indicated that his company may not be as supportive when it comes to mental health.
I yesterday, went to work and told my manager what was happening. She was very supportive. This morning I received a call from the OESH dept from work. Very progressive and proactive. I am going to continue to be proactive and progressive with my mental health.
This will be a painful, positive journey and you all will come along for the ride. It is time to recharge the batteries. I can't wait to get started.
I put in a call to my EAP counsellor, I am seeing him tonight. I also made an appointment with my Nurse Practitioner could only get in at the end of the month. I saw her on the weekend when she was working walk in clinic.
I made the decision after discussion with my sweetie and NP to take some time of work. Two weeks starting today. I have a plan to prevent me from going deeper. This includes counselling, group discussions, meeting with my positive support network. Exercise, since the beginning of the year I am tracking my steps.
This is uncharted territory for me. A necessary resource for me at this time. My mental health and wellness is important. I have a two year old grandson who means the world to me. I don't want him to struggle the way I have. I want to be that positive male role model in his life. I also don't want him to see me like this. Just thinking about him puts a smile on my face and a warmth in my heart.
It is also January which means Bell let's talk month here in Canada promoting awareness about mental health. Good for Bell for doing this. I want more companies to step up and recognize what an issue mental health is. I was talking to a friend last night who indicated that his company may not be as supportive when it comes to mental health.
I yesterday, went to work and told my manager what was happening. She was very supportive. This morning I received a call from the OESH dept from work. Very progressive and proactive. I am going to continue to be proactive and progressive with my mental health.
This will be a painful, positive journey and you all will come along for the ride. It is time to recharge the batteries. I can't wait to get started.
Tuesday, 1 January 2019
A Look Back to Look Ahead
The first day of 2019 and I am watching the winter classic featuring Boston Bruins and Chicago Blackhawks at Notre Dame stadium. Awesome sight to behold. Chills run up my back. Bruin greats Cam Neely, Johnny Bucyk and Ray Bourque. Blackhawk greats Denis Savard, Tony Esposito, Bobby Hull and Stan Mikita's widow. Jim Brown all time football great dropped the opening puck. Very classy. The legendary voice of Mike Doc Emerick to call the game. What a great way to start the year.
I don't understand why we have an official start to the new year, when every day is a new year. An opportunity to do better, to set goals, resolutions. A report said that the average Canadian holds 1.74$ of every dollar in debt. I hold .71 cents of every dollar in debt. I am below average and proud of it. At one time I had a crippling debt load. Now my debt is just south of 40,000$. Significant but not suffocating. My sweetie has the plan to decrease and eliminate. I trust her implicitly.
Shelley is my rock, my inspiration, my love of my life. She has stood by me through thick and thick. I haven't always been the best partner. I have faults and am deeply flawed. I am learning to atone for my mistakes and stand up for her and myself. It took awhile.
We did some amazing thugs in 2018. Our first cruise together through the Caribeean was amazing and so was the week in Vegas volunteering at the World Men's Curling Championships. Shelley is the uber curling fan and met all of her idols in the game. We also spent a great portion of the year with our amazing grandson. A toddler of 2 who has taught me so much about life and continues to do so.
My mental health has wavered throughout the year. I continue to see my counsellor, take my meds, be open, supportive and listen to my body and my support network. Thank you, you know who you are. Love all of you. I shared my story at 10 schools and have 7 lined up in the first couple if months.
Be kind, be supportive, be positive, be open. Just be. Have a wonderful 2019 everyone.
I don't understand why we have an official start to the new year, when every day is a new year. An opportunity to do better, to set goals, resolutions. A report said that the average Canadian holds 1.74$ of every dollar in debt. I hold .71 cents of every dollar in debt. I am below average and proud of it. At one time I had a crippling debt load. Now my debt is just south of 40,000$. Significant but not suffocating. My sweetie has the plan to decrease and eliminate. I trust her implicitly.
Shelley is my rock, my inspiration, my love of my life. She has stood by me through thick and thick. I haven't always been the best partner. I have faults and am deeply flawed. I am learning to atone for my mistakes and stand up for her and myself. It took awhile.
We did some amazing thugs in 2018. Our first cruise together through the Caribeean was amazing and so was the week in Vegas volunteering at the World Men's Curling Championships. Shelley is the uber curling fan and met all of her idols in the game. We also spent a great portion of the year with our amazing grandson. A toddler of 2 who has taught me so much about life and continues to do so.
My mental health has wavered throughout the year. I continue to see my counsellor, take my meds, be open, supportive and listen to my body and my support network. Thank you, you know who you are. Love all of you. I shared my story at 10 schools and have 7 lined up in the first couple if months.
Be kind, be supportive, be positive, be open. Just be. Have a wonderful 2019 everyone.
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