Feeling Vulnerable

I am feeling vulnerable and have been since the world stopped in mid March. Feeling vulnerable after a friend of mine contracted and recovered from COVID. Feeling vulnerable upon hearing an acquaintance of mine was one of the deaths from COVID. Feeling vulnerable every time I have a cough, sneeze or fever that I am going to contract COVID.

My anxiety and depression some days are through the roof. I reach out to 3 friends everyday to see how they are doing. I am doing my best a physical distancing. I wear a mask when entering a store to go grocery shopping. I am missing my sports, my volunteer opportunities. I miss going to the bar for drinks, catching a game. I miss dealing and playing poker. I have trouble sleeping.

I am feeling vulnerable that the things I like most may never return. This vulnerability caused me to reach out to my counsellor and my Nurse Practitioner seeking remedies and solutions. Their advice and suggestions were much appreciated.

I am blessed to have a roof over my head and food on the table. I am blessed to have an awesome partner in my life. I am blessed to have a grandson and stepdaughter to talk to a couple of times a week. It is great to hear that little boy’s voice.  Shelley last night reminded me of last year when he stayed with us. We were both tired and went to bed early. Ollie comes and gets his blocks and plays quietly on the bed until he falls asleep. I love him so much and can’t wait to see him and hug him. Hopefully soon.

I am feeling vulnerable as we think and support the great people of Nova Scotia who are reeling in the aftermath of the terrible mass shooting (the worst in Canadian History). The perpetrator was a man in his early 50’s who was a professional and business owner. Seemed like me, that is what I am feeling vulnerable about. We will probably never know the reasons.

I am feeling vulnerable seeing images of Caucasian males and females armed to the hilt protesting on the steps of capital buildings and the orange menace dumpster fire egging them on. I hope we are more even keeled that this type of protest will not happen here. Then again I didn’t expect a mass shooting in Canada either.

Even though I am feeling vulnerable, I am also feeling optimistic, encouraged by the fact that most of us are doing our part to flatten the curve. I am feeling optimistic that some countries have flattened the curve. New Zealand I am looking at you for being the example of how it can be done. No surprise they are lead by an extraordinary leader Jacinda Arden.

I am feeling optimistic that some of the physical distancing measures put in place are here to stay and they are long overdo.

Stay at home, stay healthy, stay safe, be kind, be supportive. We will get through this and be better, stronger and more humane.