From Darkness To Light

 There are 4 common reactions to situations and I have perfected all of them. Not always in a good way. I learned about the 4rth one earlier this week. The reaction of Fawning. Fawning is a response rooted in trauma. Bending over backwards to please someone.

It is immediately reacting to try to please others to avoid any conflict. Otherwise known as people pleasing. This was me for most of my life. 

I am starting to break away from this however, when it has been deep rooted and ingrained it’s going to take some time and therapy. 

I was under the spell of a narcissistic parent. This parent was manipulative, bullying and at a young age I absorbed the feelings and emotions and became enmeshed. It was hard because I grew up not fully experiencing life. I was always concerned of not making the parent angry or upset. I would agree with the parent. I was more concerned of making the narcissistic parent happy than taking care of myself. 

My interactions with a certain gender suffered. My relationships suffered. I became a broken person. I was led to believe to be afraid and scared of everything. This parent made it seem that they were the only one who could save and rescue me. This parent lorded it over me by buying me things and going on trips which neither of us could afford. As a result I ended up with money issues. Credit card debt. I became ashamed of and only now am I actively getting a handle on this. 

I had an inclination that something wasn’t right with all this. However, I was too entrenched to see the light at the end of tunnel. It wasn’t until 12 years ago that I met a wonderful lady who helped me see the light and is still leading me out of darkness. 

One of the best things that ever happened to me was being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I now knew what I was dealing with all those years ago. 

From darkness to light I keep moving forward and I recognize the 4 prominent reactions Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn and the role they play in my life and how I react to situations. 

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