March Forward

March is my favourite month. Why?  It is my birthday month. I will be 57. Yes not even concerned that everyone knows my age. Age is just a number, I feel about 10-15 yrs younger. I was asked by someone today about retirement. As long as I have my health I have another 8-10 years before retiring. My magic 80 is in 3 years time in my 60th year. Maybe I will go at that time. I love my career. It is challenging, stimulating and impactful. I am making a difference in people’s lives because of my work. I have a wonderful staff of 6 healthcare aides. The nurses, outreach, doctors, admin and managers I work with as well are all creative, talented professionals. We treat each other with respect and as professionals and have a good time doing it. 

The last year during the pandemic have been challenging. It seemed like every other week we were modifying our service model to fit the changing environment. We were deemed essential and went to work when a lot of people were being laid off. I often felt guilty about this. We were prescreened before we could enter the building. Masks are mandatory unless at our desk. The adjustments were and are constant. 

I am physically healthy. Mentally and emotionally I waver all the time. My mental health is tenuous at the best of times. Add the last year, and more often than not I want to burst into tears. I only fleeting thought about checking out twice. One of the things I have dearly missed has been physically volunteering at events and with my favourite organizations. I miss going to schools and sharing my mental health journey.  I miss the sporting and special events I volunteer for. 

I have become a very open person. In fact I have been accused by some people close to me of over sharing. To that I say crap on you. Last year Manitoba was supposed to be celebrating their 150th birthday. One of the events was honouring Manitoba’s 150 best volunteers which I was named one of. I was notified of this honour on March 2 and had to sit on this announcement for almost a full year. Man that was hard. 

Now the cat is out of the bag. I am incredibly humbled and stoked to be recognized for this. I thank my wonderful wife for the fantastic comprehensive nomination she submitted for me. I thank her also for her guidance, wisdom, strength, support, love and tolerance. She has helped me come to terms with my Depression and anxiety. She is amazing. Thank you for all your love. I am thankful to my amazing support network for always being there and holding me accountable. Love you all. 

2020 was an unbelievable year in so many ways. My mantra was to be kind always. For the most part I achieved this. 

There were moments when I started going down the rabbit hole of depression. In these moments I was everything except kind. My mouth run amok. My attitude, demeanour was so low I did not want to interact with people, I was afraid of what I might say or do. I was a real shit. Felt like I was before Shelley, intolerable to be around, no fun, angry, miserable with a huge unnecessary chip on my shoulder. Thankfully these dark moments did not last more than a few days. 

I hope the end of the pandemic is in sight. When we look back we will see the positives and how the world will have changed for the better. I hear “can we go back to normalcy”. Perhaps however masks and social distancing are the new normal. I long to travel again and what will that look like. I long to visit and hug my Grandson and hear those 4 beautiful words in person “I love you Grampa” 

I have come a long way in my mental health journey. I am embracing all aspects of it and hope to improve on my advocacy for better mental health. Actions and words are powerful. Be kind, supportive and respectful at all times. 

March is a month of change inspiration hope and renewal. Embrace it. It is also Women’s history month. So many wonderful, inspiring women who have come before us and will continue to lead us. My stepdaughter and wife are two of the finest, strongest, courageous women in the world today. Love you immensely.