Powerless

 Last week my wife had a panic attack. I was scared, petrified and powerless. Powerless to help. Powerless    to make it stop.

I was scared for myself and for my wife. I was scared because I didn’t know what to do, say or act. I was scared of being harmed. I was scared of my wife harming herself. I was scared of myself. I was scared of flying into rage. 

I yelled stop it. I felt myself getting angrier and angrier. I wanted her to stop and by yelling at her I hope that would accomplish it. It didn’t, I felt the blood boiling. I needed a time out. We both needed a time out.

My wife became grounded which enabled the panic attack to stop.

What I had to have happen was to stop, allow her to breath, catch her breathe. Offer support. Touch her gently and be with her. To take my cues from her and go at her pace while she worked through it.

 I needed to have my emotions in check. This was not about me, however, it became about me. We talked about it and I learned that what worked this time may not work the next time and not make it about me. 

It was scary. I was scared. Now I know what was happening and can act in a different way next time. When we know better we do better.