You Can Wrte Your Destiny

 The other day I gave my partner a romantic passionate kiss and she told me I love you very much. My response was I know, I love myself very much.

This was quite a revelation for myself, because for the longest time I didn't like or love myself.

A year ago in January I fell on the ice and broke my right ankle and surgery was required. After a couple of weeks with a cast and crutches I wanted to go back to work. LIttle did I know it would be 8 weeks off work and another 5 weeks on modified duties before back to work full time.

It was a pretty severe injury, however, I keep on telling myself it could have been worse. It could have been worse.

Looking back on it, it was a positive experience, I had an excellent WCB case worker who eased my navigation through the system.

I decided to make my recovery public by reporting on it every day via social meda. Each day whether it was good, bad or ugly it was chronicled. I had many comments from all my friends and one day when I didn't post friends would comment about that.

There were only 2 real ugly days when I hit the wall and was very low. Both days within an hour of posting friends and family called offering support. The first call was Larry my funky lawyer.

A couple of weeks ago I went for a post surgery follow up with WCB. My ankle has completely healed except for the permanent scar and some changes in range of motion.

I keep on telling myself it could have been worse. It could have been worse because of the way I  dealt with it. The old Andrew would have wallowed in self pity and asked myself why me. Instead I accepted and embraced it like I am doing with my life now.

It's not what happens to you, it is what you do about it.

Dawn of a new era

The other day a picture popped up on my Facebook wall, a memory from six years ago. I am wearing a tuxedo at a formal affair. I thought I looked amazing, good and confident.

What struck me the instant I saw that picture was Ugh. I looked that way. That way was smug, arrogant and no smile.

I had nothing to be smug or arrogant about. In fact, I was at the opposite end of the spectrum. Behind that smug and arrogant look was a man who was appearing to be something he wasn't.

I was putting up a brave front, appearing to be self confident and positive when I wasn't. After seeing that picture, cameras do not lie and I didn't like what I was projecting.

This picture was taken within a year of being diagnosed with depression. I never thought being diagnosed with a mental health issue would have such a positive effect on my life.

Let me explain, my partner and I were out for a fall walk when she stopped mid-stride and said " I think you have low grade depression"

"What is it " I responded. She told me. When we got home I looked up the info and the signs and symptoms were staring back at me in black and white.

The light switch had been turned on and I saw what I was dealing with. Several weeks later I had my diagnosis confirmed by my doctor.