Blue Monday and the Week That Was

Last Monday January 19 was what the media refers to as Blue Monday (the so called saddest day of the year). Why? Well it doesn’t have to be. It was only the saddest day if you allowed it to be.

It was also Martin Luther King Jr. day. A day to celebrate and remember a man taking senselessly too soon. A man who preached equality, respect, kindness and justice for all. A man ahead of his time.

It was also the week where the dumpster fire called the Orange Menace went on trial for impeachment and further created divisiveness among Americans. After all the egregious actions he has committed for some reason the Republican Party still stands by him. I do not get it.

Also here in my Province we are in shock about how an ex-Canadian military officer could have such extreme views that led him to being arrested in the states on domestic terrorism charges. It will be a long time since he sees the light of day.

Closer to home my wife was fortunate to win some money and then was publicly shamed for not tipping enough. Totally unnecessary and unfounded. It shows the ignorance in others and how easy it is to hide behind comments on social media. Shameful. Shelley is wonderful, kind, generous person who would go to great lengths to support her friends and loved ones. She is liked by many and enjoys having a good time. Strangers will say hi to her at every opportunity because they recognize the good in her. If you can’t say anything nice about someone don’t say anything at all.  The good in people has also shined brightly as many people have reached out offering positive support.

Yesterday was Chinese New Year, the year of the Rat, it is the first year of their zodiacal horoscope. People born in these years are usually energetic and fiscally responsible. They are optimistic, great thinkers. All those born in this year enjoy.

Today is Australia Day and as a native born I celebrate. It has been a terrible year for wildfires in the country. Thousands of acres burned, over 1 billion animals perished, many people lost their lives and displaced and no end in sight. Yet people will still deny the effects of climate change. It makes my head spin. I pain for Australia. Beautiful country with beautiful people.

The week ends with the sudden tragic news that Kobe Bryant and his daughter were 2 of 5 people killed in a helicopter crash. Only last night he was surpassed by LeBron James and is now the fourth most prolific scorer in NBA history. All LA Lakers. Extremely talented player. He scored the second most points in a game ever at 81 in 2006 against Toronto Raptors.

A sad week for sure. A sad start to the year in the sports world. We will persevere, we are kind, supportive and positive.

The Trinity of Wholesomeness

These three outstanding human beings are no longer with us, however, their impact and legacy lives on. Their one simple trait was kindness. They saw kindness everywhere and in everyone.

Steve Irwin was a fellow Aussie who was always kind to animals who had a conservation park. He was all about education, preservation and protection of all wildlife. His family carries on his legacy.

Fred Rogers and his neighborhood was king to others. From his TV show and famous red sweater he promoted the good in everyone. Simplicity dictated his live. He didn’t drink or smoke was a Christian. Went to bed at 9:30 slept 8-10 hours a night. He believed in the number 143 which stood for I Love You.

Bob Ross was a painter an Air Force Veteran. He had a TV show called the Joy of Painting. He painted landscapes, trees, nature. He taught us how to paint and how to love nature. Years after his death his popularity soared as people found the simple aspects of his life and creative talent as a way to be kind to others.

I will not be as talented as these 3 outstanding mentors, however, they have shown me that it is easy and simple to be kind. What does being kind mean? To me it is the way I treat people. Saying hi to strangers, caring, supporting the people I love. Giving of my time through volunteering. Offering unconditional love. Offering support to those who need. Being respectful. Being a good team player at work and being a great partner at home (Happy Wife equals Happy Life).

I am not perfect, however, I try to be the best version of myself. I slip up and when I do it is a reminder that I am in need of a recharge, reenergize, get back to the basics. I used to beat myself up when I slipped up. That never turned out well. Now my sweetie holds me accountable and is the first to notice when I slip up. She is my voice of reason and doesn’t let me beat myself up.

Some of the signs for me are irritability, anger, withdrawal and freezing at the slightest situation that normally would be instinctive to do. I am grateful that I have a wonderful support network in my life to hold me accountable and in check.

It’s Okay to Not be Okay

Started the new decade/new year with Pneumonia for the second time in 4 months. Antibiotics quickly kicked in, as did my depression and anxiety. My anxiety which hadn’t reared its head in awhile came with a vengeance. It messed with my sleep, messed with my daily routine.

It messed with every aspect and still is.  My worries and fears overcame me and clouded my thinking and feeling with doom and gloom scenarios.  All negative what if’s pervaded. Words like can’t, never, and lots of f-sharps. took over. I was frustrated, irritable, mean and judgemental.

Case in point the other day I was bringing in shopping into our building. I was struggling to get the swipe card out and dropped some of the groceries on the ground. Inside the door was a gentleman sitting on the bench. Once I got in and picked up the groceries I almost said “thanks for your help”. Choose not to however, my face showed that I was judging him.

It took Shelley who is always the voice of reason to set me straight. She said you can’t judge him, “ do you know his story”. She was right of course. Judging people is never the answer. I have been on the other side of judgement and it is no fun.

I was in such a bad way that I booked an EAP appt and went on Thursday.  They ask the questions and rightfully so, have you thought of harming yourself or others. I admit that the thought about ending it by harming myself was more than a brief thought. Thankfully the thought was fleeting.

I do have lots to live for. I ran into a friend who I hadn’t seen in awhile, although we are on social media together. She was buying a birthday card for her son turning 25. I knew him as a little boy and watched him grow up. My friend said how much she enjoys reading my posts and blogs.

The correlation between physical and mental health is so intertwined. Today I ran the gamut of emotions. For a period of a couple hours I felt ill, stomach churning, headache. Felt like leaving for the day. Than I realized I had this wave of doom and gloom and fear. It was a sickening feeling. Just as quickly it came on it went. All it took was a breathe of fresh air to move my car and a phone call with Shelley.

Today I was also remembering 5 years ago, I fell on the ice and broke my ankle. This experience became a watershed moment for me. Motivational speaker Mitchell said “ it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you deal with it”.  There have been a lot of things happen to me, sometimes I beat myself up (I am really good at doing this) other times I learn from what happens to me and turn it into a positive.

I am working on doing more of the latter. I am learning to become less frustrated, less judgemental, and not let things get to me. They still do. One thing I am learning to do is to be kind to myself and others.

2010’s...A Decade of Discovery

Now that we have turned the corner on a new year and a new decade, I wanted to share with you my top ten and more personal positive moments of the decade. It was quiet a ride. On my social media I will have pictures to correspond to the events.

It was July 2010 and I was interested in a young lady we were texting and talking on the phone when she abruptly stopped. I listened to my inner voice and what my dad told me “in order to get ahead in life be prepared to take risks”. A female name popped into my head. Since I had a huge fear of rejection, I did what any male would do, I asked her out on a date via email. A day later she accepted my request and 2 days later we were on our first date. Well the date was okay, yet we left it open for the future. A week later we got together again and this time everything went very well. We shared our first kiss which sent me tingling throughout my body. We drank champagne and had a wonderful evening. Well we are still going strong as we enter our second decade together.

On a beautiful fall afternoon we went for a walk at the Forks when she stopped me and said I think you have low grade depression. Later that night doing research on the signs and symptoms of depression they were staring me in the face. I knew there was something wrong just couldn’t put my finger on it. Well months later I was formally diagnosed and asked about medication. I politely declined believing that once you were on meds you never came off meds. I decided to face this head on and embrace it. I would tell everyone, most people were supportive, others not so much, as evidenced by a family member who said you can’t blame that on me. My support network changed. I saw a Psychologist for 6 months and learned about DVT. Yes I eventually went on medication. I chronicle my mental health journey in a blog.

In 2012 my high school had their 100th anniversary. What an amazing weekend, reconnecting with schoolmates and discovering that other people from work, social activities went to the same school. I still connect with these people through social media.

The following year I started work on creating the Manitoba Soccer Hall of Fame. I was shocked to find that we were the only team sport in Manitoba without a Hall of Fame. It wasn’t until 5 years later  a committee was formed and the Hall formally created in 2029. A great legacy. My father would be proud smiling down.

In winter of 2014 two ladies from CMHA were offering a course through work called Living Life to the Fullest. I signed up and embraced this course so much that after the course was done. I signed up to volunteer with CMHA which led me to working mall displays, special events and as a speaker with the Speak Up program going to schools, universities and companies to share my mental health story. Always an amazing experience and each time come away inspired and empowered.

January 13, 2015 while walking back from a meeting at the hospital to my car. I fell on the ice and broke my ankle. Two ladies saw this and offered assistance. I was too proud to accept their help. I got up walked to my car and drove to my office. The pain was excruciating. After having a couple of nurses take a look I was driven to urgent care. Ten minutes later an X-ray was done. Three days later I had surgery. My plan was to be back at work the following week crutches cast and all. Sadly how wrong this would prove. Well I embraced my situation and chronicled my recovery on Facebook. I was off work for seven weeks and only had two bad days the whole time. Thank you Shelley for your TLC and putting up with through this ordeal.

In 2016 I met my grandson Oliver “Ollie” and fell in love with him the moment I saw him. Even one day when I was changing his diaper and he peed on me. Shelley, Kelsey and Ollie had a great laugh over that one. One night he came and crawled up on my chest and fell asleep. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. He has taught me about unconditional love and many other things. One of the greatest moments is to be on the receiving end of his hugs.

Shelley and I had talked about marriage for a few years. Well in 2017 I proposed to her and those that know me know that I was afraid she would say no. Well she said yes. We decided to have a social 6 months later. An amazing night. We had food every hour representing 5 different themes. 50/50 draws every hour. Over 150 people attended and the best part was my new family was all in attendance.

In 2018 Shelley and I went on a Caribbean cruise. It was her first time. When we reached the cruise port in Miami and she saw the boats, Shelley mouthed the words “OMG”. That set the tone for an amazing week. Also in 2018 we volunteered at the World Men’s Curling Championships. Shelley is the Uber curling fan and met all her curling idols. John Schuster fresh off his Olympic Gold medal performance was there. Before the opening ceremonies we went and watched the marshalling. Schuster was there we waved to him and came to us and had a great 10 minute conversation. He non chalently pulled out the gold medal and was eager to have to show it off. A very nice and humble man.

I have more meaningful and closer relationships. People I was associated with in a different era have said to me and Shelley that I have changed and for the better. No more angry frustrated insecure man.
I admit I am still a work in progress and will slip up and this is a good thing. It keeps me humble and accountable. I am still discovering and learning. I am excited about the new decade and I am excited I will be with Shelley my rock and her family. My theme for this year is twofold and they go hand in hand. Be kind to myself and others and atonement. My depression is in a good place, however, it is a daily reality. Some days are better than others. Some years will be better than others. We will see what 2020 brings. Whatever happens I will keep you all posted. Cheers and Happy New Year.