Revelations

Last week I was interviewed for a campaign video. A company will use this video to entice their employees to donate money for the local United Way campaign in conjunction with the local CMHA chapter.

I shared my story, my personal story on dealing and living with depression.  Although formally diagnosed in 2010, I have dealing with depression since I was 15.

At this age my parents separated. My father left and I lived with my mother. I love my mother dearly, however, she had no capacity to raise a teenager. She did her best, it wasn't what I needed and soon found myself being co-dependent on her as she was on me. It was not healthy. I did not see it.

I was too wrapped up in my little world of being shy and introverted and withdrawn. While at the same time I was also angry, irritable, frustrated and mad at the world. I could explode with outbursts at any time. Thank god they were verbal not physical outbursts. The words could be damaging and inappropriate.

Most of my anger was directed at my father for leaving the family. I bought into what my family was saying about him. The interactions I had with my father at this time were strained and forced. He was trying and I wasn't. It would be a couple of years until I got through the BULLSHIT.

In my early 20's I was presented with a great opportunity and made the most of it. The opportunity was to be the student manager for the University Men's basketball team. I grew up and matured and learned about myself. I came away from that experience with a lifetime of memories and lifelong friendships.

In my first year I almost blew it because I was trying to hard to impress. I was a people pleaser. Several times my emotions would get the better of me and I would lash out at my teammates for no reason.

They were my saving grace. They were a few years older than me and I learned valuable life lessons. They said just be myself, we like you when you are. On a road trip, after a tough loss I shared my story. They were supportive and offered advice on how to improve my relations with my father .

I took heed and after a short period of time my father and I found common ground in sports, history, current events and crossword puzzles. It took a few years, I did repair my relationship with my father.