Spring Cleaning

March 6th was the start of Lent. Forty days before Easter. The phrase what are you giving up for Lent is synonymous in society today. I heard of one person say “ I am not giving up anything, I am going to give 40 items I no longer wear or use to the less fortunate.

I said to my partner, I can do this. Well it is one week post Easter and I am no closer to starting my spring cleaning. I had good intentions, follow through is my stumbling block. Talk to my partner she will tell you I enjoy spring cleaning.  So what is stopping me?

It’s simple, I am depressed. I put on a brave facade to go to work, to go out with friends, talk to my family. I come home from work and don’t want to do anything other than watch TV or go to bed early. Weekends come and go with good intentions and I end up being a bump on the log.

I do not want to feel this way. I keep doing self talk. I am alert, alive, aware and amazing. It works for a little while, I have a burst of energy, unfortunately it is short lived.

I look outside, we overlook a creek with a walking path, and see people walking running cycling. I think to myself I can do this. I say to my partner let’s go for a walk. We plan and yet we can’t get past the apartment door.

I have no problem going out to get comfort food, doing something healthy well that’s another thing. As I write this I have a headache which I have taken Advil for and had a nap. Work will be here in 12 hours and I am hoping my afternoon nap will not prevent me from sleeping tonight. It has in the past.

Depression is a real bitch/bastard. Everyday brings a new adventure with a lot of self talk to help me get through the day.