2019 What A Year

As the year winds down, a time to reflect on the year. January seemed so long ago. The end of 2018 was not good for me. I was falling apart, could not concentrate and was messing up simple tasks.

The start of 2019 was no better. On the very first day I almost electrified myself. I was in need of help. On the weekend I went to the access centre and told my NP and she granted me time off. I had never done this before. Mentally I was not functioning well and the longer it went the worse it became. I took 2 weeks away from work for my mental health. I went to EAP, went to Mood Disorders group session visited with close friends. Read books, watched TV, went walking, did crosswords and blogged.

At the end of the 2 weeks my NP asked if I needed more time. I probably could have used more time however, I felt good and refreshed and went back to work. Back at work I settled into a routine and avoided mistakes. My colleagues noticed a change, a change for the better.

In March I turned 55 and became a senior and enjoyed and still are enjoying my senior discounts. Shelley and I spent a great month with our grandson. He is the best little bundle of joy in the world. Love you Ollie.

Over the summer I started dealing poker two nights a week. Each time out I feel more and more confident and quicker in my decision making abilities. I believe it also has made me a better poker player. Poker is a game of skill and strategy and you are not just playing your cards, but each player and their cards.

In the fall I developed pneumonia and this literally kicked me in the teeth both mentally and physically. All my resources felt depleted. No energy, no desire to do anything. Simple self care aspects were ignored like hygiene, reading, walking. I just wanted to sleep and watch mindless trash on tv. To show the state of mind I was in, one day stopped at McDonalds for a snack and left the car running in the parking lot. For about 30 minutes. I realized when I looked for the car keys. When I got back into the store after shutting the car off. I laughed and laughed. This is in stark contrast to what I would have done years earlier. I would have beat myself up, festered and stewed about how stupid I was and on and on.  I have come so far and yet still a work in progress.

Some positives to finish off the year started around my favourite holiday (American Thanksgiving). Successfully donated blood, got word that pneumonia had cleared. I shared my story at several schools which always brings me great solace and inspiration. I started a class on dealing with difficult emotions. Learning about mindfulness, wise mind, positive emotions and the outcomes. Another 4 great weeks to go and learn new tools.

Shelley and I are looking forward to a great positive year and decade as we venture forth. I have an idea for my 2020 theme. This years theme was focus on abundance and we did.