I Am Still Here

Twenty years ago today, I almost left this earth by my own hand.  It was Easter weekend, I was on vacation in and around Las Vegas. I was by myself and no I didn’t blow all my money on the slots or at the roulette table.

I was feeling very low and despondent and not enjoying myself. I was walking around in a stupor. I thought here I am in the middle of nowhere far from home, no one would ever care if I came home.

I had a plan and prepared myself to carry it out. I went to go watch a movie American Psycho. Good movie however, probably not the best choice given how I was feeling at the time. After the movie, I went back to the hotel and closed the curtains turn off the lights had a towel in my hand that I clenching and wringing furiously. The TV was on and I could hear CNN and they were showing live coverage of a reunion between a little boy and his father.

I reached out to my father. I picked up the phone to dial, it rang and rang and then my Dad answered in his booming voice. As soon as I spoke he knew something was wrong and asked how can I help, what do you need.  I told him and he helped save the remaining days of my vacation. I thanked him and for the last 5 years of his life we had an extremely close bond. We would have lunches regularly. We would watch sporting events in particular soccer games together. I loved my father and miss him every day.

The other person who I owe my life to is that little boy being reunited with his father. That little boy Elian Gonzalez is a courageous boy now young man who is happily married and living in Cuba. However, back in 2000, he was an unwitting pawn in a diplomatic game that ended up in the US Supreme Court.

The last 20 years have been an incredible journey of life, learning and opportunities some that I took others passed me by.  Especially the last 10 years. See I found my soulmate, true unconditional love, doors were opened and I walked through them gaining confidence and a new outlook on life.

I have increased my passion for sports all sports added curling to the mix as favourite sports. During this time of global pandemic, I am missing my sports, my daily fix, through games live and on tv, following scores, betting and reading about the games. I am very optimistic that when we do get back to playing sports athletes will no longer take the fans for granted. They will view fans in a different light. They have seen who the real stars are and we thank those stars everyday. They have kept us alive, and going through this crisis.

I have a wonderful partner, I am a grandparent a stepfather. I have a great circle of friendships. I have many varied interests and volunteer opportunities. One of my volunteer opportunities is sharing my mental health journey with middle and high school students. Last year, after speaking to a class one of students wrote a comment that said I am so glad you didn’t end your life because you wouldn’t be here to share your story of hope and inspiration.

Life is a journey not a destination and even though once I wanted to end it. I know now that I still have a lot of life left in me. I want to grow old with my sweetie by my side. Love you Shelley. I want to see my stepchildren(love you Gerry and Kelsey) be the best they can be and I want to be there for my grandson(Oliver Ollie) at all the best moments of his life.

Life is full of ups and downs, good and bad, positive and negative. Take it all in. I learn from my mistakes and rejoice in my success. Be kind at all times. I am still here and hopefully will be for many more years to come.