Feeling Distraught Part 1

This week has been extremely tough. I am feeling angry, frustrated, heartbroken, distraught  and incredibly sad about the events unfolding around me. I am also not sure what I am really thinking I see the images of people taking to the streets for what is a peaceful protest which turns violent. I feel numb. From my bubble I feel emboldened to do something. Enough is enough.

In my home city of Winnipeg we are not immune either. This past week a man was stabbed to death on a city bus. An unprovoked attack. A naked man stealing an ambulance and crashing it into a building. A taxi cab driver was brutally and brazenly murdered. We are on pace for another record of homicides.

In Minneapolis, the death of  George Floyd has sparked protests and violence throughout the city and around the country.  The good people of Minnesota don’t need this. I consider their state more Canadian than American, it is the logical stopping off point and first entry point. I know many great people from Minneapolis who are heartbroken by the events of this past week. Tons of unanswered questions. Why did it need 4 officers to converge on George? Why was unnecessary force needed by a police officer who has a longer sheet of violence than many career criminals? Why was he still on the force?  Why when he was finally charged only 3rd degree manslaughter? Seems like a slap on the wrist more than a serious charge.

You have the dumpster fire orange menace occupying the Oval Office calling the protesters thugs and yet when white people armed to the hilt converged on the capital of Michigan he called them good people.

I am sickened by the hypocrisy of it all. This comes on the heels of Ahmed Aubrey out for a run hunted down and lynched by a father and son. This happened in February and it took to May for charges to be brought and a video to surface. Yet the young lady who captured what happened to George Floyd on her phone was harassed, vilified and bullied the next day. Why is Colin Kapernick blacklisted and vilified for standing up for his beliefs. Yet if he was white he would be hailed as a hero for standing up for his beliefs.

Yes I am white as a result have had some white privilege and entitlement. I do not know what it is like to be unfairly treated strictly based on colour, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity. I do not know what is like to feel marginalized or mistreated.

I grew up in a bubble of fear and vulnerability and being aware of the boogeyman and dangers that lurk in society. Yeah and for 45 years what did that get me. I was fearful of relationships, I pursued a love of material things which created a mountain of debt which I am crawling out of.

This week would have been pride week in Winnipeg. A great celebration. I was going to walk in the pride parade for the very first time. Years ago when I was single and had a multiple of failed relationships I wanted to learn about the female gender so what did I do. I watched Sex and the City and read Cosmopolitan magazine. I became well educated in what makes women tick and yes they are the smarter gender by far. I talked to members of the LGBT community, I took Aboriginal Cultural Awareness classes, I read about social, racial and ethnic injustice and became culturally aware of the differences.

I am outraged and don’t want to sit idle by and do nothing. I want to do something but don’t know what or where to start. I am outraged that this pattern has repeated itself and we all state we will do something and yet it is still happening. I am angry that we look to the wrong people for leadership. Politicians are only concerned about getting elected and then re-elected. For culture to change we the grassroots need to take a stand and create action.

I met a wonderful lady who opened my eyes and showed me how to be less fearful, More aware and compassionate and empathetic. I understand unconditional love and practice it. I engage with as many people as I can, say hi to everyone. I am open and have embraced my depression and anxiety. I am still a work in progress and want to be part of the solution. We can do this. We are resilient and we know better. We are all imperfect perfect people deeply flawed trying to make sense of our injust world and doing our best.

Since I deal with depression and anxiety I am very aware of my vulnerability. Going through this pandemic has been frightful. Not doing my sports and volunteering. I don’t want to go down the rabbit hole and have fought back to remain positive. This week has hit me like a big punch in the gut and I am struggling not to bottom out.

In the word’s of Rodney King “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along”