Not Feeling The Love

For the last couple of weeks I haven’t been feeling the love. I have been feeling outraged, despondent, distraught. I have also been feeling like how am I supposed to continue and what can I do to show support first for flattening the COVID 19 curve,  than in support of the Black Lives Matter movement and now feel for the Indigenous people here in Canada.

My mental health has wavered severely and I am concerned about going down the rabbit hole of depression. It didn’t help last week when I shared some good news with a family member. This family member seemed supportive until they said “ I hope you didn’t mention that mental health crap”. I immediately called this member out and how hurtful that comment was. This family member said “ I have upset you and I love you “. I quickly ended the phone call.

My immediate thought was I can’t believe they said this and than I thought yes I can. No filter. No insight, no support.

The next day video evidence surfaced of police kicking a suspect in Winnipeg surfaced as did a video of a physical altercation against an Indigenous leader in Alberta. Plus a second murder of an Indigenous person in New Brunswick. Systemic racism is rampant within Canada and in many sectors of our society not just within police. If you think it isn’t than you are part of the problem.

I am outraged that a man was shot after being asleep in his car in a restaurant drive through in Atlanta and two men found hanging from trees In Los Angeles. This is why people are marching the streets. They are tired, angry, outraged and want change. Systemic racism is rampant.

Today a VP of an American news network was suspended for racist comments. This POS women was middle aged and probably had her views passed on down to her.  Systemic racism.

I am no saint and ashamed of myself as I have had judgements about people in the past. I am making a conscious effort to be aware of my words before they come out of my mouth. It has cost me painful moments and a few friendships over the past years.

I have been deeply affected and my sweetie and I have had some great conversations about the state of the world and how we can do our part. And how we can do better and be better human beings.  I make a point of saying hi to everyone I can on the street. I smile and wave at people in fellow cars when stopped at lights. I am appalled that here we are in 2020 and systematic racism is as prevalent as it is.

I want to feel better, I want to remain positive. I want to not feel like crying every day. I want to go to bed every night and wake up the next morning feeling happy, positive and energetic. My sweetie and I have a saying every morning “ Rock the Day “.

In a world where we can be anything Be Kind. It is simple.