Hello August

July is always the toughest month of the year for me to get through. I have learned to deal with the fear of the month. It no longer paralyzes me, however, I am still affected by the events that happened to me in July. In particular Friday’s in July.

Let me explain. Over the last 30+ years family and friends have died in July and on Fridays.

 The first one was my cousin. She died by suicide. I had only met her a few times in our lives. However, a few years before her passing we spent considerable time together. As young adults we spent hours talking about the future and attempting to solve the world’s problems. Her death affected me greatly. The first time someone I knew died by suicide. For years when I saw a TV show or movie that showed her method I would leave the room, turn away or cover my eyes. When I hear someone died by suicide, I think of her. 

The second one was my uncle, her father. Almost 5 years to the day later and of course on a Friday. He was a wise and proud man who never got over the death of his youngest child. I believe that he died mentally and emotionally the day his daughter died and it took 5 years for his body to give in.

The third one was my father. A surreal day to say the least. He was my hero. My voice of reason. A leader, innovator, trailblazer, administrator, historian and survivor. I feel his presence everyday. You got it he died on a a Friday. 

Finally, my best friend of 25 years. Mike was a mini version of my father. We met in University when I was the student manager and he was the athletic trainer for the University Men’s Basketball team. A free spirit who lived life to the fullest culminating in 2003 when he climbed the second largest mountain in the world. I miss our weekly gathering of the bishops at the Cathedral for choir practice. Yes he died on a a Friday.

I was fearful of Friday’s in July asking myself the question who is next or would I be the next.  Living in fear was no fun. It consumed me, I didn’t want to go out, let alone work. I would work and then come home and not leave until Friday had passed. I credit my support network led by my soulmate and counselling to successfully overcome my fear. 

I now remember each person in a special way with a Scotch salute to my father and Hoisting a dark ale for Mike. My uncle and cousin I remember through my mental health awareness and my own journey with depression and anxiety. I recognize the importance of using the right terminology for mental health and work to educate people especially students by sharing my story to middle and high school aged students. 

It is okay to not be okay. The more we share and our open, the less the stigma will become. More people are being open about their struggles from the famous to you and I. We are all courageous for coming forward and recognize that sometimes our struggle has too strong a hold on us that the only way out is the ultimate way. There is nothing weak about this choice. People are choosing to end their pain through strength.  One of the famous people I admire was Robin Williams. A tremendously gifted and creative comedic genius who used his gift of comedy to mask his real feelings. Looking back at old movies and clips I can seen the pain and heartache. Lady Gaga an amazing entertainer who deals daily with anxiety and self worth images. Kristen Bell deals with post-Partum and works to create awareness around the disease. We can all do our part. The simplest and easiest thing to do is Be Kind and Be Supportive. We are all in the together.