Walk of Shame

I did the walk of shame the other day, for the second time in 3 years. I know what your thinking, what drunken stupor was he in and what did he do. It was the walk of shame where I could not make a contribution.

For the last 5 years, I have been making a regular blood donation every 56 days. In order to donate blood you need to be screened by filing out a questionnaire. Then they check your blood pressure, temperature and hemoglobin. My hemoglobin was too low. There is a threshold of 130 and with 2 pricks of the finger one on either hand I was close however, was short.

I said to the Donor associate I now have to do the walk of shame.  After the screening room if everything is good you turn right to donate. I turned left and had to walk past all the people waiting to be screened.
It is a horrible feeling, because everyone knows that you have been declined. You feel like a scmuck.

The worst part is I had to wait 30 minutes because my partner was donating. I didn't even feel like having the consolation donut they were offering post donation. Then to top it all off I have to wait another 56 days to even try again. My partner has been deferred on more than one occasion because women's iron store levels are lower.

I know what she felt like when she took the car keys and went for coffee while waiting for me to donate. I felt ashamed, guilty that I was letting people down. I started doubting and blaming myself. I wanted to run away and never come back. I wanted to wallow in self pity. This is what the old Andrew would have done. I might have used this experience to spiral down the rabbit hole of depression. I didn't.

After about 10 minutes of beating myself up, I wanted to get right back up on the bike and donate right away. I realized that this is only a blip. This moment will pass. It shows how far I have come and far I still have to go. That's the benefits and burden of living with depression.

I enjoy giving blood and have done 26 times. I have a rare blood type which only 7% of the population have. My partner had done 70 donations. I wish I had started earlier than 5 and a half years ago.

If you can donate, please do, because it is in us to give and every time one donates you have the chance to save up to 3 lives.