What is Your Core Emotion?

I  have 3 core emotions that affect my life. Fear, angry and the effect money has over me are my core emotions. I will tackle the role fear plays in my life in this entry.

From a very early age I have lived in fear. The first house I lived in we had a garage we were told never to go into. It was inhabited with some of Australia's deadliest spiders and insects. When we came to Canada we had to deal with winter. My mom would always tell me be careful the roads are icy, the sidewalks are icy you could fall and hurt yourself. Be careful, be safe. I heard these words over and over again. Four years ago I fell on the ice and broke my ankle. I heard my mother's voice inside me saying I told you so, you needed to be more careful. 

Even today I hear my mother's voice saying don't talk to strangers, be careful, be safe, don't take risks. Years ago I changed jobs. I took a risk and it didn't work out the way I wanted it to. My mom said you gave up your pension, your seniority and now have to start all over. I said so, I will and I have.  Thankful, her voice is diminishing. When my father was alive he was the opposite he encouraged me to take risks to try new opportunities.

Years ago I visited the CN Tower in Toronto, on the observation floor they have a glass floor portion. There were children sitting on the glass portion. I was sweating, afraid that the floor would give way and wanted to pick up the kids and move them off the glass floor. In 2016, I went back to the tower and stood on the glass floor and looked down for several minutes. 

At one moment in my life, I was scheduled to go sky diving. I had paid my money and was looking forward to the day. Then the day arrived and got called in to work and lost the desire to do this. However, in recent years, my nephew has gone and former President Bush went on his 90th 

birthday. My thought if they can do it so could I. My nephew didn't tell my mom or his dad until after the event happened. They still talk about the fear of skydiving.  I commend my nephew. 

I am happy to say that I am dealing with my fears in a positive way, dismissing the voice of negativity and fear that has prevailed much of my life. However, I am not perfect, and that fear still creeps in when I am feeling depressed and low. When I am depressed I am afraid that no one will help me and I will not get out of my depressive state. I understand that this is the depression allowing the fear into the brain. 

Life is about moving forward positively. I understand and respect the role fear has played in my life. I choose to not let it affect me.