Is It Worth It?

Yesterday, I was out to pick up breakfast and an ambulance was behind me so I switched lanes as did all the other cars. At a traffic light one of the cars moved into the turning lane to avoid the ambulance.    The light turned green and I waited to allow this driver to get back into the lane he was in before the ambulance. The car behind me started vigorously blaring his horn urging me to move. I waited for the car to get back into the correct lane. Throwing the driver behind me into complete rage blaring his horn and giving me the famous Pierre Elliott Trudeau salute otherwise known as flipping the bird. He double fisted it even.

As the car behind me now past me the driver threw up his hands in disgust and flipped me the bird again. I would not want to be the person this man meets up with. He is probably still full of rage.

I can relate because I used to be that man. I would fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. I would let it bother me for hours or days.  Why?

I was full of anger, irritable, withdrawn, lonely, just mad at the world. I was not happy with my lot in life. I was feeling entitled when I had no reason to be. Wishing, hoping that the cards I was dealt in life were better that my position in life was better. I was fixated on the wrong things. Too much emphasis was placed on money and status which I had neither of.

I was searching. My coping mechanisms were non existent. I was trying to be a different person. I was living a lie.

Nine years ago this all changed. I had been unlucky in love and relationships, questioning my sexuality, my identity. Through the help of a friend at the time. I took a risk and ask a beautiful lady out on a date. Of course, I didn’t do this in person, or over the phone. It was via email. After a couple of hours of no response, I got discouraged and couldn’t deal with another rejection. Thinking it was never going to happen. I was in a bad way.

Than she said yes. Well the first date went okay not great by any means. We gave it another try and well 9 years later we are very much in love and have a great life. It has not all been roses and sunshine. We have tested each other’s nerves frequently. She has been my rock, my salvation. I have embraced her family, wish my family could do the same. We have an awesome grandson who brings so many positives to our lives.

Every day I feel more and more blessed having you Shelley in my life. Everyday I move more and more away from that angry man flipping birds at anonymous drivers. I am still a work in progress. I continue to move forward in a positive way. Flipping birds in traffic, getting angry over nothing is not worth it. Being positive, being kind, being supportive, being in love and loved is. It is simple.