Feeling Depleted

 I am emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally depleted. It has been a very long series of months since the pandemic started and we are nowhere near the end. 

I work in the healthcare field and have been deemed essential since the start of the pandemic. For the first couple of months we had to undergo screening before admitted to the office. However, since July we have been asked to self screen and undergo spot auditing. I have now been audited twice. I am asked how I arrived at the decision I am well enough to come to work. I ask myself and check how I am feeling. No headache, nausea, diarrhea, new cough etc. 

In telling the auditor all of this, I said that it doesn’t gauge our mental and emotional state. I have come to work physically healthy however, not mentally or emotionally. It is getting harder and harder to keep a stiff upper lip about my mental state. 

Thankfully, I have a great manager and nurses as colleagues who we check in with each other on a regular basis. Some days I feel extremely overwhelmed and ponder should I go to work or not as a result. I have read lots of articles about the effects the pandemic is having on our mental health. I know I can relate first hand. 

The events of the world take a heavy toll on our health. I live in Canada and are inundated with news from south of the border. This past weekend Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg lost her courageous battle with pancreatic cancer. Almost immediately the Dumpster Fire and his cronies were salivating over the fact of nominating a new Justice before the election. Hypocrites all of them. You see 4 years earlier when Justice Anthony Scalia died and Obama was President they fought tooth and nail to prevent him from nominating a successor. Now the tables have turned and the rules have changed. Really, it is disgusting, hypocritical, inappropriate, shameful and all of these elected officials suddenly have the worst case of amnesia. 

How can this type of behaviour not have an affect on our health. How can someone consistently lie and lie? As George said to Jerry on Seinfeld “ If you believe a lie long enough it becomes truth” How does the President and the Republican Senators look at themselves in the mirror everyday? I must admit I know because for me years ago lying became the easiest thing to do. One day when my partner was my girlfriend I had an awakening and took responsibility for my actions and embraced my anxiety and depression.

It is hard not to have the events of the world not play with our mental health. My partner and I both noticed me slipping last week. I reached out and made an appt with my counsellor. Next week can hardly wait. I also connected with my Nurse Practitioner. I went back to the basics by practicing self care and reaching out to my support network. 

As I have blogged before, I talk to strangers, say hi to everyone I encounter with a smile on my face, I make every effort to be kind. It does work, I have strangers Say hi to me before I have a chance to say hi to them. Overall life is good. However, I have to work twice as hard everyday to remain positive and not go negative. I do feel depleted and lacking energy motivation yet at the same time staying buoyant and hopeful for a brighter future. It sure does help to have a great grandson in my life. Shelley said I was calling out his name in my sleep. That is a sign, karma is at work. Life will get better. Hope springs eternal.