The Well Feels Empty

 My anxiety is through the roof, I feel constantly overwhelmed, emotionally and mentally drained. When this combination the only thing I want to do emotional eat. Not just eat but eat comfort food. Mine is a big bag of popcorn and a couple of cans of ginger ale. I am diabetic so these are not good for me. My resilience is at an all time low. 

My resilience to fight off my triggers for depression and anxiety. My resilience to fight off cravings to food drink and unhealthy activity. My resilience to fight off negative influences. I am afraid I will spout off words and actions that will be harmful to myself and others. 

Back in August I felt like checking out. September is Suicide Prevention Month and evening though I haven’t felt like checking out I haven’t felt right either. Cases are rising all around. I just feel like cocooning again and riding out the pandemic. Reality kicks in and I am an essential worker so some days I drag my ass into work when I don’t feel like it. They tell us to stay home if we are sick (physically) what about if you are not feeling right mentally or emotionally as I have on more than my share of days during the pandemic.

It also doesn’t help when you see more and more people bucking the science and becoming anti maskers and anti pandemic believers. Saying it is a hoax or will just go away. Here in both Canada and south of the border. I see more people not wearing masks than wearing them  the other night I went to a Trivia night and our table of four were masked and one other person masked  the rest of the crowd  were younger were not masked  

I am a current event news junkie, however, now I hardly ever turn it on  the same old same old. US election rhetoric and pandemic news from all viewpoints. I can’t wait for November 3rd to be over and done. The vicious campaigns, no wonder good honest people don’t want to seek office. The media scrutiny is not worth it for most people. I once thought of running for public office, not anymore. It is not about policy it is about who can smear the other person the best/worst. That’s why politics attract the rich or the narcissistic people.

I finished an online course today about Indigenous Cultural Training. It was informative, insightful, and made me think about how incideous and horrible we were and still are to marginalized communities. I definitely have had my eyes and ears opened. As the adage goes When We Know Better, We Do Better . From now on I will do better  my theme for this year has been to Be Kind. I have been and respect that everyone has a story to tell that we know nothing about  

Be Kind Always, Respect Others

 and Wear A Damn Mask