Listening To Your Body

My body aches. I have fallen on the ice several times over the last couple of weeks. I am sore on the upper left arm, my left hip and right thigh  and knee area.

What this tells me I am not as young as I used to be. In 2 and a half weeks I am turning 55, the double nickel. Senior discounts at a number of places kick in at this age. I can hardly wait. I am looking forward to being carded.  The last time I was carded was in 1991 at the Metrodome in Minneapolis for an NFL game. I went to buy a beer and they carded me. I had ID proving that I was of age. However, our provincial driver's license didn't have photo ID. No beer for me. Soon after we got picture ID for driver's license.

The last week has been a struggle for me. I was not practising self care. I was being fearful of everything.  Yesterday and today were better days. Feeling more confident on the drive in to work. Had a good productive day, got multiple tasks done. Let's hope the rest of the week goes as well.

Depression is a real bitch at times. It throws you for a loop.  It is an internal power struggle your brain has with itself. Depression says no one cares for you, no one supports you, no one wants to see you get better. You are better off being depressed. On the other hand your inner strength is fighting the depression off with positive, supportive talk, self care and action.

Sometimes the depression wins, it saps the energy out of you. Sometimes the only strength you have is to wake up and get out of bed. Other times it will not even let you do that. I get it why people self harm or die by suicide. It is to stop the pain or deflect the pain. I have never self harmed, however, I did seriously contemplate taking my own life. I was away on vacation, I had a plan. I really believed no one would have cared if I ever returned.

What stopped me. A news story about a reunion between a father and his son. I reached out to my father. When I picked up the phone to call him, my whole body was shaking. He answered on the third ring. My voice said it all. No judgement, he asked what can I do to help you. He helped saved the rest of my trip.  I love and miss him. He has been gone 14 years now. He is never very far from my thoughts. Keep on watching over me.

Our body and mind tells us how we are feeling, thinking. It tells the story of my life. Everyone has a story. We don't know what people are going through. Life is simple, be kind, be positive, listen to your body.